Didn't we have cute wedding invitations? I saw something similar in a magazine, but interracial stick couples are hard to come by in your standard wedding supply catalogs. So, a friend made these for us. I loved them!
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In honor of our tenth anniversary and to encourage those who are still working on that first ten years (or whatever year they happen to be on, even if the tenth year was ages ago), I'd like to make a request. Could those readers who have been happily married for ten years or more (this includes past or present marriages, ones that were always happy or ones that weren't happy at 10 years but are now) please share some of the things that made your marriage a good one? Feel free to share practical tips, things you or your spouse did to benefit your marriage, verses that encouraged you, attitudes you chose to have, etc.
43 comments:
Happy Anniversary!
I'm only coming up on my fourth...
~Luke
For me focusing on what I could do to bless my beloved was a key turning point in how I felt in my marriage. And the fact that leaving is/was not an option.
Happy Anniversary Bethany and Tim. May you be blessed with many joyful years to come.
Happy Anniversary!
We're at 17.5 years, as of last week.
I have to admit that there were times in our marriage where the only thing that held us together was the fact that we each believe that divorce is only an option in the cases of abuse or infidelity. Most of the time we've been happy, though.
Biggest tip: each person should have a signal that they are THROUGH with the conversation for the time being--and the other person should honor it. If my husband leaves the room and goes up to sit on the bed and read, I know that means he's 'processing' and I need to give him time to calm down and think about whatever we were discussing/arguing about.
Second biggest: discover what things (as far as housekeeping, etc is concerned) are the most important to your spouse and make sure you do those, even if they aren't the ones that are most important to you.
Keep Christ the center of your marriage. Encourage each other, pray together, give LOTS of grace and mercy always and remember in all things, love deeply! Don't forget to have fun and laugh! Have faith in each other, and persevere through the "challenges" because it only makes you stronger! Patience produces character! Let God change you and your heart instead of you trying to change your spouse's. Pray that you will see in your spouse what God sees in him/her. Communicate, communicate, communicate! Ladies - at this point it's time to start changing up the lingerie again. ;o)
I Peter 4:8 - "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
11 years for Greg and I this November. :o)
Congratulations Tim & Bethany!!
Happy Anniversary, Tim and Bethany! What adorable wedding invitations!
We are coming up on our 15th wedding anniversary and I have to give my husband most of the credit. He is loving, accepting, always willing to work on himself and a great listener!
I am much more stubborn, but I would say that the one we thing we both are is committed. We are committed to making our marriage work.
Here is what I think makes a great marriage: some providence, some luck and a lot of hard work.
Have a great 10th anniversary!!
Melissa108 from SL
We have our 20th anniversary coming up later this year! The biggest thing we had to learn to do in order to make our marriage happy was to give up all selfishness and just forgive. Forgive every little bothersome thing - you can mention what bothers you, but you have to move on and see the bigger picture instead of dwelling on what you don't like. He will never be perfect, you will never be perfect, nobody else is perfect either, no matter what it looks like on the outside. Except Jesus, and He tells us to die to self and forgive others. That's the "in a nutshell" version! :o)
Happy Anniversary!!
We are coming up on 13 years and have learned...
Love is a choice, not an emotion! You must choose each day to continue to love the person you committed your life to.
FORGIVENESS is the key!!! Whether it is something small (really, what does it matter that the t.p. faces one way or the other? really?), or something big, you must remember to forgive all things. Jesus forgave me, which means I must forgive also. Remembering what He has forgiven me for is humbling enough for me to want to share that gift with my dear hubby. I may not always consider dh worthy, but then again, I am not either, so why should he not recieve what I have?
Have S3x more often than you want to! It is fun, and if he needs it more than you, indulge him, you will enjoy and he will be happier, which makes you happier, kids happier, and on and on!!
Keep God first, spouse second, kids third, and all else will fall in place.
Happy Anniversary bethanyandtim!!! We have been married 13 years, so not too much longer than you. Here is what I have to say on the topic of marriage.
Forgive willingly and often.
See the humor in life.
Be on the same side when things get tough.
Think about the characteristics you love in your kids that they got from your spouse.
Kiss a lot.
Remember to want what you have.
I have loved watching your family grow.
Jen/mamamoz
Happy Anniversary!
We are going on 13 years, ourselves. We both love Jesus, and that alone has gotten us through our ups and downs. And, like Peg said, never letting divorce become an option.
-Amanda
We have been married for 22 years. I think the biggest thing to keep your marriage happy, is to make time for each other. I now for us when our kids were little without even realizing it we were so focused on them we forgot about us for a while.
Happy Anniversary!
Happy Tenth Anniversary, Bethany & Tim!! What adorable invitations!!
We celebrated our 21st anniversary last month. We made it through a very rough patch and are happy again! My advice:
*Choose to love each day as love is a decision, not an emotion.
*Forgive often.
*Laugh together.
*Keep God at the center of your relationship.
*Find something that just the two of you love to do--together.
Remember, one day it will just be the two of you again so spend time together regularly. At empty nest time, you don't want to have to get to know your spouse all over again.
May you have MANY more years together!!
Happy Anniversary! We celebrated our 17th in February. I guess I'd say that the most important thing is to show respect at all times, do the things that are most important to the other person and always keep your inside jokes going. When we are going through a particularly rough time, our motto is "I'd rather be going through this with you than not going through it with anyone else."
May the next ten years be full of blessings!
Donna/3LittleKittens
I clearly remember your wedding day, it was beautiful that day in the park.
We are fast approaching 11 years, and I have 2 very practical tips, do laundry every day-your husband does not like to ask if he has any clean underwear for the day, AND keep your legs shaved. Smooth legs keeps your hubby happy & leads to more s-x, which REALLY makes them happy.
Happy Anniversary!
(We just hit our 19th, on Tuesday.)
One of the most important things we have done is to set rules for "fair fighting." They are:
1. We do not bring up past or extraneous issues.
2. We do not say things deliberately to wound or exacerbate the discussion. (Dh knows he is in trouble when I get really quiet--he knows I have nothing left to say that would not be hurtful.)
3. If one of us says, "I feel that...." it is not arguable. We might respond "I did not mean it that way," but the feeling is a fact, and has to be dealt with as such.
4. We will be intellectually honest, including admitting things that might bolster the other one's case.
These rules have really helped us, in those inevitable "discussions," to get through them well.
Well, I guess up to this point we have everyone beat -- it will be 39 years on July 11 for us ;)
Communication, commitment and keeping a positive outlook on life. Issues happen, but for the most part, happiness is a choice.
-And here's a little tidbit from Roger to all husbands out there -- when you do something stupid, admit it to her before she finds out some other way, and make her laugh about it :)
And that's our 2 cents worth...!
Happy Anniversary!!
We just celebrated 20 years - and the key for us has been learning how to treat each other with honor. When we honor each other; all the pieces fall into place.
Hugs and congrats!
Cheri
We've been married 12 years. I'm trying to think of the things that we do to make our marriage what it is, but I guess it all boils down to a few things.
1. We made a promise to each other to grow together spiritually.
2. We know that love is a verb, so we have to do things intentionally to love each other, like listening to each other, and making the effort to not be angry.
3. We keep talking.
4. Our marriage is just as important as our kids. So if kiddie activities are taking over our marriage, then something needs to change. And the kids are happier that way as well.
5. When things get tough, when one of you gets sick with a nasty disease, we keep remembering the promises we made to each other.
Happy Anniversary! May there be many, many more!
We've just passed our 20th. Doesn't seem that long, but since we have a 17 year old, I guess it has been!
The most important things for us are:
Keeping the Lord first. He has to come before I do in Deek's priority list, and the same for my list - he is first.
Remembering we are on the same team. When things get hard, we are working together to find a solution - not as enemies
Keep the communication going. When we have problems, they are exacerbated by one or the other of us shutting up.
Have fun! Enjoy the next ten years as much as the first. Praying for blessings on you both!!
Hi Bethany. Cary and I have been married 36 years. I can hardly believe it myself. He met me when I was 19. We have grown up and matured together. The main thing that has kept us together is that we took our wedding vow seriously-until death do us part. Also, we are a team and it's hard to imagine life without my teammate. On the practical side I think there are 3 main things that have helped: (1) we developed rules for ourselves on how to fight (sticking to the topic, no hitting below the belt, etc.) and we moved on (and forgave when necessary) after the conflict was resolved or at least compromised (2) a sense of humor always comes in handy (3) I helped Cary learn not to be afraid of my tears, that crying didn't denote a crisis, and it always made me feel better. Congratulations on you and Tim's 10 years. In this day and age that's a landmark! Who woulda thunk it?
Oh yeah, one more important thing! We have made a deal:I put up with him and he puts up with me
Happy Anniversary!
I have been HAPPILY married for 24 years. Sixteen-and-a-half to your mom and seven-and-a-half to another godly woman.
No special reasons or tips or tricks. I've just been fortunate.
Happy Anniversary! We were married in March of the same year, so we just had our 10th as well! Isn't it wonderful?
Coming from a family of divorce, yet being blessed to have a husband who's parents have been happily married for almost 4 decades, I've seen both sides of the fence! One thing we did when we got married was commit to each other that we are in this for the long haul, and we agreed that no matter how heated things got, we would never say "Divorce", whether we were joking, empty threats or genuinely meant it...it was NEVER an option. It has really made us think about how to get through those heated moments because we knew we were stuck with each other "for better or worse" so we better make it work! haha!
~Nicky aka minivanmom3 on the SL board
Happy Anniversary! I love your wedding announcement!
Dh and I have been married 14 years. We haven't had any really "bad" times, mainly because my dh puts up with a LOT and loves me anyway. :-) We've argued, but we've never had anything past that.
The two things that came to mind when you asked were:
1. He and I are two points of a triangle. The third is Christ. The closer we each get to Christ, the closer we get to each other. Church, religion (and religious differences -- looooong story, that) are all top priority in our marriage. Eph 5 and all that -- and not just about the wife submitting, but also about the husband giving himself up for the wife as Christ gave Himself up for the church. When dh and I are both exhausted and the kid is sick, he goes first. When there's a "funny noise" at 3am, he goes first. When I'm asked to submit, you'd better believe there's a darned good reason, other than he just doesn't feel like it. :-) It makes it easy to submit to his leadership.
2. Men and women speak different languages. I didn't realize just how different they are! So for the last 14 years, I've been teaching dh a course on "girl stuff/girl talk" and he's been teaching me a course on "guy stuff/guy talk." "Practicing" guy talk during a tv show helps me recognize it in life and vice versa. For example, when two guys have a knockdown dragout fight and then go have a beer together, I'll look at dh, raise my eyebrows and ask, "Guy stuff?" He'll reply "Oh, yeah." So I get it. It's completely foreign to me, but at least I understand how guys think and react, so when dh and I have an issue he can say, "This is guy stuff. Just let me be a guy, and when I'm ready to speak Girl Speak I'll come talk to you." It's saved a LOT of sorrow.
--CroppinIt from SL (sorry, I don't have any of the other IDs listed...)
My husband and I celebrated 13years of marriage this past March, but this October we will have been together for 20 years.
Complete Honesty - we don't keep secrets. I think that has been the most important thing in our relationship. It was a work in progress but has made a world of difference. After all this time, we are becoming best friends and it makes all areas of our relationship better.
Things have not always been great, but it seems to just keep getting better.
Blessings on your ten years!
Bethany and Tim,
Yay for you! Congratulations!
Michael and I are on year 17. We've had good years and then even better years. Thankfully I have a great husband.
Three things that come to mind when I'm faced with "What do you mean? It's not about me?!?" moments...
"...the wife must respect her husband." Eph. 5:33
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Phil. 2:3-4
"Love is patient. Love is kind..." I Cor. 13:4
As you know, we live a pretty unique lifestyle with Michael's job. We both live fairly independent of one another during a large portion of every week. It's important to us to make a big deal out of the time that we do have together. With that said, we try to have a "family day" -- family time, no cooking, no cleaning, no chores, no technology. Yup, no technology. (It's pretty crazy if you saw our house at the end of the day.) But what a blessing of a day to be together and share in our time and thoughts with nothing to tear us away. It was hardest for me at first because I still had the cleaning and chores to handle the next day but the payoff is worth it. I love Michael more today than when we got married and the kids benefit from it all!
Yay! :) Happy! Happy! :)
Happy Anniversary!
Be honest in love... be slow to speak, quick to listen... and find ways to surprise your spouse with little things (like notes hidden away to be found).
This is a great idea!!!!
We have been married for 15 years. The things that have helped us the most:
1)Never go to bed mad at one another.
2)Communication is the key to most every situation. When there is a problem it usually begins with lack of communication.
3)Remember things about when you first "fell" in love.I bought my husband a bottle of cologne he wore when we first started dating. I still melt when he wears it today.
4)If whatever you are disagreeing over won't matter in 100 years LET IT GO. It's not worth it. Embrace here and now and choose your hill to die on, there aren't many!!
I still feel the butterflies in my stomach for him today they same way I did when we first started dating 17 years ago. And I tell him so. It's not always easy, but it is always worth it.
Tasha
Happy Anniversary! We just celebrated 15 years...
erialicia from SL boards
We've been married over 12 years now, & are expecting our 5th child. I think most important are your relationships with God, both individually & as a couple. If I am not walking as I should with the Lord, it opens me up to the deception of the enemy. I begin to believe things that aren't true about my husband & marriage. I have to be looking at my marriage, my husband, my children & my life through God's eyes. Marriage (& parenthood) require me to look outside myself, to lay down my will & kill my selfishness (which I desperately need to do!). I think a big key to a happy marriage, & a happy life, is gratitude. To learn to be content & seek out the good in every circumstance & person is absolutely necessary! I try to remember that my thoughts determine my life much more than my circumstances do. I can choose to love, to forgive, to be thankful, to serve, to trust, etc., by the grace of Christ. 1st Cor. 10:5 says that we are to take our thoughts captive if they are contrary to Christ. I can choose to look at my husband & see his good qualities rather than dwell on the things that bother me. This shows him respect, which he needs as much as I need to feel he loves me. It helps when I remember the grace I live under...I am not perfect, & I am thankful for the grace Christ gives me as I grow & change. I want to extend that grace to my husband & children, & to the other people in my life.
So, to sum it up, be grateful, forgiving, gracious, & optimistic! Of course, no one can do these things at all times...we must lean on the Lord to live lives that glorify Him, & in turn we will reap the blessings!
Happy Anniversary! There is so much great advice, I don't know what more I could add. Eric and I have been married 19 years. I can't imagine my life without him. That might be good insight in itself! Love him, honor him, put him first (after Christ, of course!) and let him lead your family. It's not easy, but God made it that way for a reason.....it works!
Happy Anniversary! 10 years is an awesome milestone in a culture that seems to value marriage less and less. We will be celebrating our 25th anniversary this year. I am more in love with my husband today than the afternoon I walked the aisle with him. I think two things have served us well over the years ... one is to work regularly on the foundation of our relationship, which is our mutual relationship with Christ. We work hard to pray together daily as a couple and to keep Christ at the center of our home. The other is communication. We make a conscious choice to regularly talk to one other and share our hearts. And to the best of my knowledge, we have never gone to bed at night with an unresolved issue/anger between us.
May your marriage continue to be a living example of Christ's work in your hearts and home.
Blessings!
~Judy
Happy Anniversary! and congratulations! 10 years is a milestone! We've been married 15 years this past May and I can say that the best advice I got before marriage was "if you haven't prayed about it don't nag about it." I've seen God change either my heart or dh's so often and all without the nagging that would drive my dh away. The fact that divorce is never talked about or brought up as an option is huge too.
Praying blessings on your next 50 years!
Conni
Gary & Cheri,
We've been married 15 years this October!
We laugh together & We are each others best friend!!
I've been married 11 years and just recently realized how important it is that men need respect and women need love. I also try to feed him well =)
We've been married 19 years. The things that have helped me the most is to realize that love is a choice. After those mushy lovey feelings aren't there every day, I need to choose to love my husband. Love, it's a verb, not a noun ;)
And to not complain about my husband to my friends or family or IN MY MIND! My attitude is so much better when instead of muttering about having to pick up after him yet again, or do this or that for him I say, "I am so thankful to have a husband to pick up after." "Lord, bless my husband as he works so hard this week and can come home to clean socks and the meal he wants."
It is much better for me to have a positive thoughtlife about him. Especially since he is gone all week. I can work myself into a real bad place complaining about this or that he didn't do, wishing he were home to deal with these boys, etc., etc.
We've not always been happy. We've been in a bad, bad place before. We separated twice. We really didn't like each other on our 10th anniversary. But PTL that he did an awesome work in our lives and we are so incredibly happy now. It is a lot of work, but oh so worth it.
Wow, that's a lot of advice!! My advice? Ummmmmm, marry someone like Josh. :)
I love you. Happy Anniversary sister bear.
Happy Anniversary! We've been married for 16.5 years, and I have to admit it seems like yesterday.
I honestly think that it's just a choice, just like it's a choice to follow Christ. I choose to love, respect, be adoring and pray. He chooses to do the same. We asked God to bless our marriage when we got engaged 19 years ago, and have been blessed since.
We have had rough times, like everyone; but we always knew divorce wasn't an option so we could live together and be happy and best friends or be miserable.
May the next 10 years and beyond be a true blessing to you guys!
20 years this summer for us! Some keys:
A good sense of humor, especially be able to laugh at yourself.
Listen more--seek to understand. Build peace.
A little knowledge of football can go a long way! I could find something else to do on Sunday afternoons, but it's a lot more fun to read the sports columns ahead of time (they usually are creatively written), and then ask an insightful question or casually drop a statistic here & there--man, there's nothing better than seeing my dh's jaw drop, then seeing him get all mushy and say, "I LOVE you!"
See the person for their strengths--don't stare at their weaknesses through the lens of your own strengths. Likely you fell in love with an opposite--cherish the differences, don't try to make your spouse into another you. My dh--Mr. prepared & feet always on the ground--once told me that he never knew whether to remind me I was leaving my purse (yet again), or to say nothing, hoping to foster a sense of responsibility. I told him he was welcome to do either as long as he didn't mind going back for it, but that I hadn't learned in 35 years, and wasn't likely to now. Bless his heart, he reminds me--and cherishes his head-in-the-clouds wife!
Happy Anniversary!
Congratulations! June is a great month for anniversaries. We just celebrated our 14th two days ago.
The two things that hold our marriage together are God & grace. As long as we're both focused on pleasing the Lord and willing to give each other plenty of grace for our not so stellar moments, we do just fine.
Adorable invitations, and congrats on 10 years!
We've been married for 11.5 years. Key for us has been a relationship with Christ, and a desire to serve him as a family. Being good FRIENDS is also important, as we just plain ol' enjoy being together! :)
Happy anniversary!
DH and I have been married for almost 11 years. Our deep friendship and making sure we spend time together, even when things are really hectic, are the most important keys to our successful marriage. We really look forward to the time after the kids are in bed. We cuddle up and share our days - and our hearts - with each other.
Lydiasmommy on SL
We will celebrate 36 years in May.
Here are my little "tips":
1) Eliminate the "D" word from your vocabulary
2) Communicate
3) Eliminate the "D" word from your vocabulary
4) Be (and remain) committed
5) Eliminate the "D" word from your vocabulary
6) Remember, it isn't about YOU. (This will work better if you make it all about HIM and not either of YOU)
7) Eliminate the "D" word from your vocabulary
My sister got married last year, at her rehearsal dinner my dad stood up and gave his famous advice, "Love the one you are with."
But what was really neat, is how many people stood up after that to say how often in their marriage they had looked back on what my dad had told them, and used it to maintain a healthy marriage.
When he first advised me that way, I was still pretty young and stupid. I thought his advice was insulting. Like saying, 'Well, I only love you because you're the one I ended up with. I'm doing the honorable thing. Aren't you lucky?
Years of marriage, and raising the sprouts have shown me how wrong that initial impression was. Dad was right!
So to my dad's advice of loving who you're with, I'd like to remind everyone that love is something you DO, not feel. The feeling comes when you're doing it right.
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