BOOKS I FINISHED - DECEMBER 2021

The 13th Gift: A True Story of a Christmas Miracle, written by Joanne Huist Smith

A true story about a brief period of time in the author's life, this book serves as a strong reminder that looking for opportunities to bless others is really important and that small, ordinary gestures of kindness are often the most meaningful. It's a story of grief, healing, and the Christmas spirit.

p. 200, We don't all have to become gift givers dashing across darkened lawns in ninja outfits to experience the high that living a generous life can bring. But even in moments of deepest grief, we can turn off self-survival mode and share with others all that we've learned along the way. 

p. 201, I tell them one of the greatest gifts we all possess is the ability to give. Wealth isn't a prerequisite; compassion and a kind heart are all you need. < snip > A legacy of generosity can create memories that reverberate beyond the moment and outshine the brightest of heirloom ornaments. 

Just Open the Door: How One Invitation Can Change a Generation, written by Jen Schmidt

Opening our home to others is something I enjoy, and trying to make people feel welcome in various settings is something I'm very intentional about, but I want to grow in the area of hospitality. Reading this book was a way find new approaches to what I'm naturally wired to do, but it's also a kind (no judgment), helpful (has practical tips) encouragement to folks who are hesitant about opening their door to those around them. We all need each other, and we need the freedom to come as we are, so this book helps us learn to connect in meaningful ways by welcoming people into our world while having a genuine interest in theirs.

p. 8, Hospitality, unlike entertaining, treats everyone as a guest of honor rather than grasping at honor for yourself. Opening your door as nothing to do with the actual setting, the guest list, or the food. The atmosphere can be exactly the same yet have a very different results based on the heart attitude of the one who welcomes.

p. 19, Perfection is the enemy of done. Wait, forget that, sometimes perfection is the enemy of even starting.

p. 28, When discontentment begins to settle in your heart, turn a "have to" attitude into a "get to" attitude, and it will elevate your ability to press in and learn to love what needs to be done, regardless of how you feel. 

p. 32, The way we love our neighbor reveals something about the way we love God. And the way we love God reveals something about the way we love our neighbor.

p. 41, I yearned for our children to have a multigenerational love for those around them because for the most part our society doesn't think this way. Schools, churches, sometimes even whole neighborhoods are built around age segregation. That's why as a parent I've realized I must be purposeful in bridging the generational gap. 

p. 104, We need to get up from our safe, anonymous distance behind our heated Facebook debates and our opinionated rants and actually live like Jesus lived.

Get messy. Be real. Stir up your guest lists, instead of stirring the pot. 

Our table, like Jesus' table, should be one that offers radical, even scandalous grace. To all. To anyone. 

p. 123, Questions show humility. It means you want the focus directed at others and not on yourself. Questions give everyone a voice.

p. 143, But we do well to be honest with one another that, yes, sometimes all of us hurt. And just as we need others to notice and care for us through our low times, we should be watching for how to lift the burdens others carry, developing a spirit of empathy, compassion, and gentleness. 

p. 168, I would suggest the finest art of communication is in learning to listen with utmost humility, to attempt to really hear another's point of view, and then figuring out the questions to ask to draw out the thoughts of another. 

What I Carry, written by Jennifer Longo

A lifetime in foster care and a decade of trying to stay under everyone's radar are about to end for a teenager who's only a year from aging out of the system. This novel is a raw (which means there's a lot of language) look at what life is like for kids who don't have the security of knowing they always have a place to live and family to belong to. It's about fear, self-preservation, and isolation, but also about compassion, loyalty, and hope.  

p. 108, The exhaustion of working overtime all your life to prove you are worthy of human dignity, just because the people in charge are ignorant and suspicious of the circumstances of your birth.

p. 170, "Adopted is a past-tense verb, not an adjective ..."

p. 184, Francine blanched. "Muiriel isn't lucky, Eileen, she's entitled. To at least one good parent. I'm lucky this wonderful creature agreed to come stay with me."

p. 266, Memory, as a substance, is definitely water. It either evaporates completely, or it gets soaked into the brain sponge until the sponge gets squeezed by some unexpected something, and then the water spill everywhere. 

p. 269, "The purpose of adoption is not for parents to 'find a kid.' It is for children to find parents."

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THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful Tim's thrown a couple logs on the previous day's coals as he's left for work the last two mornings so there's a fire going by the time I get up. What's something you're thankful for?

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful that I not only have a vehicle, but that it has a working heater, two luxuries that keep me comfortable when I have to leave home on a cold day. What's something you're thankful for?

DEPRESSION AND A STUFFED RABBIT

This little stuffed rabbit sits on a shelf in my closet where I see it every day. I named it Caramel, both for its color and for the fact it came in an Easter basket filled with a variety of caramel candies. It was given to me by one friend, but it serves as a daily reminder of a small group of people who have supported me in various ways during a really long, really gnarly season of depression. 

I keep typing and deleting, trying to figure out what's worth sharing, whether for the sake of my own documentation or to encourage someone else in the trenches of their own depression. So this may be a bit rambling. Just like life.

Today I realized it's been exactly one year since I told someone I was looking into the possibility of starting an antidepressant. A whole year. I can't believe it's been that long.

I'd had three previous seasons of major depression as an adult. A friend who's seen my minor ups and downs over the years has asked me a handful of times if I need an antidepressant. I've thanked her for her concern each time, as sometimes we're blind to our own need for help, but assured her I knew what depression was like because of my past experiences and that what she was seeing was just an ordinary rough patch. 

I got depressed again a while ago. Obviously depressed. Really depressed. One day I realized all those times my friend had asked me about meds, as well as many other times, were, in fact, depression. They were mild, which is why I hadn't recognized them for what they were, but that meant I'd been battling depression for most of my adulthood. Feeling completely weary and totally hopeless, concerned about how the low points had been coming more frequently and lasting longer each time, I decided to get help. 

I was open to taking meds, but ended up going to counseling instead. I'm so thankful for that time. Several counseling sessions with my therapist later, armed with new insights and a variety of coping skills to use, I was feeling much better. There was still work to do, but I was starting to live and function in a way that was more sustainable.

I liken the choice to ease up on the pursuit of meds in favor of counseling to choosing not to take blood pressure medicine until you see what happens when you make dietary changes. I desperately wanted my head and heart to be in a good place, but I also didn't want to medicate something that I could, and should, fix by changing my behavior. It was the right decision and I still go through the flashcards I made of things I learned in counseling several times a week, as I want to continue being proactive in taking care of my mental health. 

Then, in the aftermath of a meltdown a few months ago, I made a decision that was simultaneously spontaneous and a long time coming. I started an antidepressant. It was the right decision and I'm thankful for emotional stability as I continue working on my own junk. Depression is completely exhausting and this season of chemically-induced respite has been such a gift. 

The plan is to wean off at a predetermined point in time and see what happens. If I'm one who just needed some help to get over the last hump of a season of depression, which is the approach I'm taking, then I'll be done and move on with new habits that I've developed (or, more accurately, am developing). But if it becomes clear that I'm one who needs long-term help with keeping my head and heart in a good place, then I'll be grateful for medication that does the job and continue taking it. 

So, back to Caramel and the people that stuffed rabbit represents. 

Questions about how I was feeling. Prayers. Hugs. Reminders not to isolate. Treats and notes of encouragement at church. Kindness when I took extended breaks from church. Listening to my verbal processing. Happy mail. Questions about how counseling was going. Phone calls. Texts. E-mails. Facebook messages. Video chats. Practical help with making decisions. Lunch dates. Words of affirmation. Personal stories of similar struggles. 

I could go on, but the bottom line is that kindness matters. It matters a lot. If you know someone is struggling with depression on any level, show up for them in whatever way you're able. And remember that you often won't know that the person you're interacting with is depressed. They may not look the part at all, but your behavior and attitude will either add to their burden or ease a little piece of it. So just be kind. 

As for me, I'm so very thankful to be crawling out of the hole of depression over the last year. I'm still a work in progress, but I've had loving hands reach out to help pull me up. That little stuffed rabbit reminds me every day of my gratitude for those people and encourages me to keep moving forward. 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for hummingbirds in our yard. What's one thing you're thankful for?

OH, CHRISTMAS TREE

I wasn't interested in artificial Christmas trees when they started becoming common many years ago. I like the smell of a real tree, I'm a creature of habit who loves tradition, and we couldn't have afforded a fake one anyway. 

That was then, this is now. 

We always buy inexpensive ones, so it's not like the tree itself is ever impressive, but our tree just might be my favorite part of each Christmas season. I love spending evenings with all the lights out in our home except the ones on the tree, just relaxing in our living room. And as beautiful as I think themed trees are, I love that ours is filled with a hodge-podge of ornaments that have a story. It's a snapshot of our history that we only see for a few weeks each year. 

Surprisingly, about five years ago I started noticing that I liked a lot of the non-traditional trees that I kept seeing pictures of. Even the ones that didn't appeal to me personally or that wouldn't work logistically in our home still intrigued me. 

I wanted one. White lights. Miscellaneous ornaments. Simple assembly and storage. That's what I was looking for in a non-traditional tree. 

I decided this was the year to do something about my desire for a change. I showed Tim pictures of two trees that I thought might work. We talked about the pros and cons of each, then chose this one from Better Homes & Gardens. He and the little Ws did all the work and last night I got to string lights on my first non-traditional tree before we put ornaments on it. There were some technical difficulties because we're not a family of woodworkers, but this imperfect tree is perfect. I'm so thankful for a family who was willing to spend time and go outside of their skill set to do something that was important to me. 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the sense of smell. What's one thing you're thankful for?

TYLER'S BIRTHDAY - 2021

This guy's another year older! 

Tyler had some friends come over for a few hours on Sunday and they all decided to play Uno with college rules for a while. 

After dinner they made oobleck and had lots of fun playing with it. Well, they tried to make it in the individual bowls I gave them, but that quickly proved to be impractical. Devon and Naomi swooped in and saved the day. They dumped each boy's oobleck into a larger bowl, added a bunch more cornstarch and water, mixed it all up, then refilled each boy's bowl with their own portion of oobleck. I was thankful for their help!

One of Tyler's friends happens to be one of Natie's brothers, so the two siblings were able to spend a little time together at the party. I snapped a picture for their mom's benefit, but it's cute and I'm including it here. 

I asked them to all strike a pose after Tyler opened cards and gifts they'd brought. One smiling. 

And one silly, of course.

Next up was an indoor snowball fight, which was a huge hit. No pun intended. They pelted each other for an hour, right up until they left for home. 

It was a fun time with tons of laughter!

Today was about celebrating with family. (The exception being reading all sorts of birthday messages posted on my Facebook page and getting a text from a man at church he's friends with.) He got a text from an aunt, started a birthday greeting text exchange with a cousin who was born on the same date a decade earlier, answered a video call from some bonus Ws, talked on the phone with grandparents in two states, ate the dinner of his choice with me and the sibs, was taken to pick up his free birthday drink at Dutch by a brother and sister-in-law, and spent time opening gifts and cards from various relatives with the Ws.

This is how Silas hauled Tyler out to the car when they left for a birthday drink. There are some things that only big brothers do. This is one of them. 

Tim had to unexpectedly work late, which made a whole family picture unattainable, but I made sure to get one of all the sibs. They have their share of conflict and they drive me crazy at times, but they also laugh together a lot and put thought into gifts they choose for each other. I love that.

 And that was that. The end of birthday fun for Tyler.

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THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for an opportunity to see a friend's new baby. What's one thing that you're thankful for?

BOOKS I FINISHED - NOVEMBER 2021

About My Mother: True Stories of a Horse-Crazy Daughter and Her Baseball-Obsessed Mother, written by Peggy Rowe

A gifted storyteller, Rowe shares about life with her mom. The two women, both with strong personalities, were very different people, and their relationship provides a humorous light read.  

Brave Love: Making Space for You to Be You, written by Lisa Leonard

Leonard's story is one of pushing hard to excel at every role in her life and to make everyone around her happy. Her journey to a healthier place of more peace and stronger relationships is an encouragement for all of us to have realistic expectations, accept and value the way God made us and those around us, and prioritize rest. 

p. 31, A healthy relationship is made up of two people who show up, speak up, and have the courage to be who they truly are. It requires whole people who lovingly and honestly engage in - rather than avoid - real life, including the messiness that it inevitably entails.

p. 70, Weather of the Heart

Lord, send the rain
To wash away

The pain

And sadness

And bring life.

Lord, send the wind

To blow away 

The doubts

And uncertainty

And make space.

Lord, send the snow

To cover

The mess

And make it white

And clean.

Lord, send the fog

To narrow

My perspective

And help me be present

And focused.

Lord, send the sun

To warm 

My shoulders

And comfort my heart

And soul.

p. 85, The Next Step

In the darkest times,

We see hope most clearly.

Hope illuminates the darkness.

Without hope we will stumble;

With hope we cannot see everything,

But we can see the next step.

All this is required

Is one thing - 

The next step.

p, 114, Guilt and Grace

Guilt criticizes;

Grace affirms. 

Guilt says do more, be more;

Grace says be still and rest.

Guilt is a liar;

Grace is a truth-teller.

Guilt condemns;

Grace forgives.

Guilt screams and yells;

Grace whispers kind words.

Guilt gives up;

Grace moves forward.

Guilt brings despair;

Grace brings hope.

Guilt scratches and claws;

Grace smooths and comforts.

Guilt piles on;

Grace lightens the load.

Guilt points the finger;

Grace is a hand to hold. 

Guilt rolls its eyes;

Grace smiles with warmth.

Guilt says you'll never be enough;

Grace says you are enough, just as you are. 

p. 141, Be Fully You

There is a place inside your heart

Where you hold your hopes and dreams.

They were planted there by the God of the universe.

They are there for a reason.

They are part of who you are, 

Part of who you were made to be.

They matter because you matter.

You being fully you matters.

p. 174, Ignoring my needs and wants had not helped my family or me. Now, instead of perfection, I wanted wholeness. I wanted to be a whole person. I wanted to take care of myself so I could take care of my family without trying to control them. I wanted them to know who I was - what I wanted and needed - so they could take care of me. I wanted to be authentic instead of trying to live up to the perfectionistic ideals of who I thought I was supposed to be. 

p, 207, Doing Nothing

Doing nothing is not nothing.

Doing nothing is doing something important.

Doing nothing makes space for my brain to rest and my heart to heal. 

Doing nothing makes room for breathing and thinking and being.

Doing nothing means not rushing.

Doing nothing takes discipline and practice.

Doing nothing used to make me feel guilty.

But I'm doing better at doing nothing.

Sometimes doing nothing means the most important thing gets done.

The Paper Bag Christmas, written by Kevin Alan Milne

Two brothers are given an opportunity to help bring Christmas cheer to seriously ill patients in the children's ward of the hospital, an experience that proves to be life-changing for everyone involved. This inspirational and endearing novel is set near where I live and the author lives in the same town as the brothers in the story. 

THANKSGIVING - 2021

It's been a while since we took a group picture with our Thanksgiving crew of bonus in-laws. I asked for one this year and everyone played along. There are two kids and a spouse from my generation that weren't at the gathering, but I'm grateful for this whole family. So many years of Thanksgiving memories, including yesterday! 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for Spotify. What's one thing you're thankful for?

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for indoor plumbing. What's one thing that you're thankful for?

APPLES AT BEILKE - 2021

It's mid-November and I've been disappointed that we never picked apples at Beilke Family Farm this year. I thought they wrapped up their season at the end of October, but I was wrong. They're open this month! The sun's shining today, so I got Naomi and Tyler (Devon was at work) after my run and off we went. 

I can't wait to eat, sauce, dehydrate, and bake with all these apples.

I finished filling my punch card while we were there, but already had plenty of apples. I guess that means I'll start next season off with a free bucket!
 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the friend who sometimes calls to chat when he takes his dog on a walk. What's one thing you're thankful for?

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for candles with fall scents. What's one thing that you're thankful for?

HALLOWEEN - 2021

Our church decided to do another hootenanny at Lee Farms this year instead of the traditional harvest party at the church. It was a few days early, as it's an all-day affair and scrapping church services on Sunday for a party isn't going to happen. Naomi, Tyler, and I spent a few hours visiting with friends, jumping on bounce pillows, traipsing through hay mazes, doing sack races, participating in various game booths, and going on hay and train rides. The sun wasn't shining like last year, but it was warm and the rain held off while we were there. Fun way to spend part of our day!

We've always spent several hours at church on Halloween because of the harvest festival, so this year we didn't have any plans. Tyler asked if he could go trick-or-treating, but then we were invited to the farm church harvest festival. Devon had to work, but the rest of us decided to head up the mountain. Friends, sunshine, hay rides, game booths, some time singing and talking about Jesus, and a ton of food made for a great way to celebrate the holiday.

 

BOOKS I FINISHED - OCTOBER 2021

Steal Away Home, written by Bill Coffey

A novel about baseball, love, faith, and complicated situations. There were aspects of the story I enjoyed, but I struggled to get into it and the ending confused me.

The Still Point of the Turning World, written by Emily Rapp

Although our beliefs aren't aligned, I enjoyed this vulnerable book about the grieving and growing process Rapp experienced when she learned her infant son had a fatal, debilitating disease and would not live long. It's a candid look at her attitude toward life, death, physical disabilities (not only did her son have them, but so does she), and parenting.

p. 13, The task of parenting seemed to have evolved from "do your best to keep your baby alive," which was the primary parenting goal even into the nineteenth century, to the challenge presented to modern parents to "make sure your kid is prepped from the outset with the tools (here they are, and here are the studies that prove the worth of these expensive strollers, special bottles, organic cotton clothes, well-known tutors, popular programs, et cetera) that will lead to acceptance into the best preschool, the best grade school, high school, college, which will in turn lead to the best partner, resume, job, bank account, life". The demand for these Olympic efforts presumes an implicit - and erroneous - belief that any parent can fully control a child's destiny.

p. 28, It would be nice, however, to move through the world without people assuming that when you are disabled, the devastation is constant, total, consuming and ever present. It isn't. But if you fall too far outside culture's ridiculously restrictive assumptions about what a "good" body look like and does, people believe that one quick glance is enough to pass judgment on your quality of life, your prospects, perhaps even your state of mind and your basic goodness. I've been both pitied and admired because I wear an artificial leg, and it's sometimes difficult to decide which is worse.

p. 71, When did having a good life mean living one that other people envied?

p. 100, Grief, I realized, is watery and trembling and always exists beneath the surface of real life; just a gentle touch and it's spilling everywhere.

p. 233, They were human beings. To be valuable they didn't need to have so-called potential, whatever that means.

p. 245, (quoting her teacher, Frank) "Remember that there's a whole person behind whatever physical affect presents itself."

p. 246, It is a unique and terrible privilege to witness the entire arc of a life, to see it through from its inception to its end. But it is also an opportunity to love without a net, without the future, without the past, but right now. 

p. 248, We are outwardly defensive, and because we resist compassion we are actually weaker. A broken heart is an open heart, and there exists great strength in a shaky vulnerability.

Welcome Home: A Cozy Minimalist Guide to Decorating and Hosting All Year Round, written by Myquillyn Smith 

If you value the simplicity of having a home that's not filled with things, want an inviting environment, and don't want to buy or store a bunch of seasonal decor, this book is filled with simple suggestions to consider. Smith walks you through each season of the year, which means general principles are repeated and specific ideas are abundant. Although she's talking about homes, her focus is on relationships and simplicity, which I appreciate.

p. 16, Entertaining is about the host, but hospitality is about the guest. 

p. 20, Hospitality is a high form of trust. It says, Here's my mess, here are my unfinished things, and here's the truth about me. Knowing you better is worth risking your knowing me better.

p. 36, We don't have to rely on store-bought seasonal decor to create a home that feels like fall, because the best and easiest way to welcome the seasons in our home is the same way we experience the seasons in our everyday lives - through our five senses. When we allow our homes to reflect the season in the same ways that nature is modeling for us, it doesn't take much to create an impact. 

p. 55, With every seasonal gathering, we'll focus on what I call the hosting trinity - creating a mood, serving food, and, of course, the entire reason we are doing this, which is welcoming people.

p. 102, I want our guests to feel relaxed, at ease, and welcomed into a safe and slow place where imperfections are not a surprise, where people are more important than stuff, and where there's room and time for everyone to be heard. 

p. 150, You can trust in the people-easing power of imperfections. You can give yourself grace and plan for and allow your life and home to be seen for what they really are: a beautiful mess. Sharing some of your everyday imperfectness is the main ingredient needed to connect with people.

Woodburn, written by Beverlee Jory Koutny

I recently asked in a community Facebook group who the woman was that a local school is named after. One of the responders mentioned this book, which is a photographic history of our community. The collection of captioned pictures is filled with information about the different cultures here, historic buildings, and influential people. 

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THE START & END OF SATURDAY

I got a text this morning from someone asking if I was home. I confirmed that I was, then they said they'd left some cider at our door. I went out to get it and discovered they'd also life cider doughnuts, both from Bauman's. Yum! 

This evening Tim and I joined Mike and Marie for a double date at Oswego Grill. We went out for a meal a couple years ago with our kids and their grandkids, and Tim's met up with Mike for some guy time, but this was the first time the four of us hung out together.  It was fun to spend a couple hours eating and visiting.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for pumpkin pie topped with whipped cream and sprinkled with crushed Biscoff cookies. What's one thing that you're thankful for?

PUMPKINS, PIZZA, & PIE

Natie recently suggested we all get together for some pumpkin fun, so she and Silas came over yesterday. Tim and Devon were at work, but the rest of us headed to Al's for some $.99 pumpkins. We got busy as soon as we came home - carving up various designs, eating salad and pizza, then finishing off the night with some pumpkin pie and whipped cream. 

Naomi carved Charlie Brown. 

Silas wrote the word "home".

Natie created Snoopy and Woodstock.

Tyler designed the Mandalorian.

I made a W.

Devon and Tim both got home from work in time to visit with Silas and Natie for a bit before they went home, which was great. Tim opted not to carve this year, but Devon cut Elmo into his pumpkin after Silas and Natie left. 

We lined up the first five and lit them for a picture, but we had to do it inside because it was too windy outside. 

 Such a fun way to spend an evening!

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful that after nearly seven weeks in the hospital, a friend was finally well enough to go home. What's something that you're thankful for?

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for warm bedding. What's one thing that you're thankful for?

A DECADE

 

Ten years ago I sat in our home and lit a candle. The candle was one I'd bought a couple weeks earlier as a way to hold onto hope that our housing situation was going to improve soon. We were living in an apartment that we'd moved into so that we could pay off school debt more quickly, one we later discovered had a major mold problem. 

We'd picked up keys to a house, the first home we'd ever bought, a couple days earlier and our apartment was filled with friends who were helping us move. I was seven months pregnant with our fourth kid and, having done all the packing and cleaning on the front end, was fairly useless when it came to loading a truck. Everyone told me to head to the house and just relax. 

So I did. I drove to an empty house and lit that candle in stillness and gratitude.

This morning I'm sitting in that same house. Tim's gone for the day, fishing with a friend. One of our kids is an adult who's married and doesn't live with us anymore. The other three chose to pull an all-nighter together and are sleeping the day away. 

I'm enjoying an ordinary view on an ordinary day while being warmed by a fire in the wood stove. Sitting in stillness and gratitude once again.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the work of artist James Brunt. What's one thing you're thankful for?

SUNDAY AFTERNOON DATE

Tim and I haven't been on a date in quite a while, so we headed out yesterday afternoon for some time together. Grabbed lunch at Woodburn Rocks Diner and used the time to start a list of ideas of future dates. Went miniature golfing at Bullwinkle's and ended up with final scores just one point apart. Used a gift card and BOGO coupon to get free ice cream at Cold Stone and ate it in the sunshine of the parking lot. It was a perfect way to spend a few hours.

 

BOOKS I FINISHED - SEPTEMBER 2021

The Downstairs Girl, written by Stacey Lee

Race and gender. Loyalty and betrayal. Poverty and wealth. Respect and scandal. Notoriety and anonymity. Danger and security. Love and loss. Submission and defiance. This story has a little of everything. 

p. 266, An anxious mind makes lions of tumbleweeds. Live in the present, not in the future.

p. 313, Like a candle that can light a thousand more without shortening its own life, appreciation is a gift that, when given, can set the whole world aglow. Do your part in passing it along.

p. 349, The biggest threats are the ones we fail to acknowledge.

Making Love Last Forever, written by Gary Smalley

Addressing our own anger, dealing with our expectations that don't sync with reality, not hinging our happiness solely on the state of our marriage, learning healthier ways to communicate, and recognizing the benefits in being wired differently than our spouses are just some of the topics addressed in this book about marriage. 

p. 20, Actually, anger is a secondary emotion, not a primary feeling. It arises out of fear, frustration, hurt, or some combination of these three. 

p. 71, The wider the gap between what we expect and the reality of what we experience, the greater the potential for discouragement and fatigue.

p. 133, How do we build better connections with others? Through shared experiences, intimate conversations, meaningful touch, and - one of the best ways I've discovered - shared crises.

p. 217, Its been extremely helpful to me to understand that whenever I'm in conflict with someone, one or two things are occurring: Someone's feelings aren't being valued and understood or someone's needs are not being valued and met. 

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, written by Mary Roach

This book addresses everything from human crash test dummies to decapitation to cannibalism for medicinal purposes to the decomposition of a body and more. Occasionally disturbing, often witty, and always interesting.

p. 195, It is astounding to me, and achingly sad, that with eighty thousand people on the waiting list for donated hearts and livers and kidneys, with sixteen a day dying there on that list, that more than half of the people in the position H's family was in will say no, will choose to burn those organs or let them rot. We abide the surgeon's scalpel to save our own lives, our loved ones' lives, but not to save a stranger's life. H has no heart, but heartless is the last thing you'd call her. 

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