BOOKS I FINISHED - OCTOBER 2023

Anxious People, written by Fredrik Backman and translated from Swedish by Neil Smith

An apartment viewing, a foiled bank robbery, and random group of people with an assortment of personal problems. It's a story that reminds the reader everyone is dealing with a struggle of some sort, we're more similar to everyone else than we think we are, vulnerability is important, and we never fully know how intertwined our lives are with other people's. Backman does a great job of creating characters you love (even the ones you don't like) while sharing the challenging parts of their life in a way that's both endearing and funny. As a sidenote, there's a lesbian couple in the story. I mention that simply as a courtesy for my friends who wouldn't be comfortable with that aspect of the plot, as it's not mentioned in the book description on Amazon, but it's not a topic to be discussed here. I chose this book for the "by a Scandinavian author" category of a reading challenge I'm doing this year. Please note the pages listed for the following quotes are from the large print edition.

 

p. 42, Because that was a parent's job: to provide shoulders. Shoulders for your children to sit on when they're little so they can see the world, then stand on when they get older so they can reach the clouds, and sometimes lean against whenever they stumble and feel unsure.

p. 56, Drugs are a sort of dusk that grant us the illusion that we're the ones who decide when the light goes out, but that power never belongs to us. The darkness takes us whenever it likes.

p. 100, The truth of course is that if people really were as happy as they look on the Internet, the wouldn't spend so much d*** time on the Internet, because no one who's having a really good day spends half of it taking pictures of themselves.

p. 157, "One technique I'd recommend is to as yourself three questions before you flare up. One: Are the actions of the person in question intended to harm you personally? Two: Do you possess all the information about the situation? Three: Do you have anything to gain from a conflict?"

p. 301, When you're a child you long to be an adult and decide everything for yourself, but when you're an adult you realize that's the worst part of it. 

p. 339, Nothing is easier for people who never do anything themselves than to criticize someone who actually makes an effort. 

p. 405, "If you can do something for someone in such a way that they think they managed it all on their own, then you've done a good job."

p. 431, But if there's one thing modern life and the Internet have taught us, it's that you should never expect to win a discussion simply because you're right.

p. 448, ... they had all heard one another's stories, and that made it harder to dislike one another ...

p. 513, Sometimes we don't need distance, just barriers.

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones, written by James Clear

This book isn't about specific things that must be done to achieve specific goals, but focuses instead on a few general strategies that are applicable to any kind of habit the reader may want to change. Using simple, strategic approaches to small habits, there will eventually be significant, long-lasting changes in whatever area of life a person chooses to work on. I chose this book for the "published in 2018" category of a reading challenge I'm doing this year.

p. 18, Time magnifies the margin between success and failure. It will multiply whatever you feed it. Good habits make time your ally. Bad habits make time your enemy.

p. 22, All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision.

p. 23, Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results.

p. 24, Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress.

p. 54, Whenever you want to change your behavior, you can simply ask yourself:

1. How can I make it obvious? 
2. How can I make it attractive?
3. How can I make it easy?
4. How can I make it satisfying?

p. 71, I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].

p. 73, No behavior happens in isolation. Each action becomes a cue that triggers the next behavior.

p. 86, Making a better decision is easy and natural when the cutes for good habits are right in front of you. 

p. 95, People with high self-control tend to spend less time in tempting situations. It's easier to avoid temptation than resist it.

p. 108, Desire is the engine that drives behavior. Every action is taken because of the anticipation that precedes it. Its is the craving that leads to the response. 

p. 117, One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. 

p. 158, Create an environment where doing the right thing is as easy as possible. 

p. 175, The average person spends over two hours per day on social media. What could you do with an extra six hundred hours per year?

p. 189, With our bad habits, the immediate outcome usually feels good, but the ultimate outcome feels bad. With good habits, it is the reverse: the immediate outcome is unenjoyable, but the ultimate outcome feels good.

p. 233, Improvement requires a delicate balance. You need to regularly search for challenges that push you to your edge while continuing to make enough progress to stay motivated. 

p. 246, 

(Annual review questions)

1. What went well this year?
2. What didn't go so well this year?

3. What did I learn?

(Integrity report questions)

1. What are the core values that drive my life and work?

2. How am I living and working with integrity right now?

3. How can I set a higher standard in the future?

p. 249, When you cling too tightly to one identity, you become brittle. Lose that one thing and you lose yourself.

The Golden Goblet, written by Eloise Jarvis McGraw

This is the fictional story of an orphaned Egyptian boy who wants to become a master goldsmith, following in the footsteps of his goldsmith father, but is forced to live with a cruel half-brother who won't allow it. It's a good story of crime and friendship, poverty and wealth, mystery and hard work that I read to Tyler for school.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, written by Rebecca Skloot

The true story of a woman whose cells radically changed the medical world, even though neither she nor her family were ever told they'd been harvested. It's a book that makes you consider science, medical ethics, and patients' rights, but it's also about racism, poverty, and how trauma impacts people in different ways.

Three Weeks with My Brother, written by Nicholas and Micah Sparks

The chapters of this memoir each have two parts. One is about a specific stop in a three week trip around the world the brothers took together, the other is about the experiences they've shared. It's about a lifetime of shared struggles and joys, as well as each coming alongside the other through their personal highs and lows. I chose this book for the "about travel" category of a reading challenge I'm doing this year.

p. 113, "In the end, marriage comes down to actions. I think people talk too much about the things that bother them, instead of actually doing the little things that make a marriage strong."

p. 187, When you chase a dream, you learn about yourself. You learn your capabilities and limitations, and the value of hard work and persistence.

p. 338, No longer interested in society's definition of success, he began purging his life of material things. Life, he decided, was for living, not for having, and he wanted to experience every moment that he could. At the deepest level, he'd come to understand that life could end at any moment, and it was better to be happy than busy. 

Tisha: The Wonderful True Love Story of a Young Teacher in the Alaskan Wilderness, as told to Robert Specht

While this book is a love story as the subtitle states, it's more than that. It's about nineteen year old Anne Hobbs venturing into the Alaskan wilderness to teach in a tiny school, learning much about the land and its people in the process. Covering the nine month period of a single school year, it's a story of strong people, a rugged environment, blatant racism, the humility to be teachable when wrong, and a determination to do what's right in the face of opposition. It reminded me a bit of The Year of Miss Agnes, except it's true and written for older readers. I chose this book for the "originally published in the year you were born" category of a reading challenge I'm doing this year.

BOOKS I FINISHED - APRIL 2023

All the Light We Cannot See, written by Anthony Doerr

A blind girl living in France. An orphaned boy living in Germany. Each with knowledge both valuable and dangerous in the midst of the war they're living through. Eventually, their worlds collide. I chose this book for the "Pulitzer Prize winner" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

Hormone Repair Manual: Every Woman's Guide to Healthy Hormones After 40, written by Lara Briden, ND

Describing perimenopause as second puberty, Briden explains what happens to a woman's body during perimenopause and after menopause, as well as how to deal with the various bodily changes they bring about. I chose this book for the "recommended by a friend" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

p. 23, Every time we praise a woman for looking young, or at least for not looking old, we reinforce the pervasive and oppressive belief that aging is bad and that, as women, we need to strive to stay young and nubile. 

The Magician's Elephant, written by Kate DiCamillo and narrated by Juliet Stevenson

This is a heartwarming story of orphaned boy who desperately wants to know if his sister is alive, and to find her if she is. A fortune-teller says an elephant will lead him, which seems entirely impossible ... until an elephant appears. A friend recently read this to her kid and recommended I read it to Tyler. I opted for the audio book version, which we enjoyed on a road trip. 

Seven Daughters and Seven Sons, written by Barbara Cohen and Bahija Lovejoy

In a country where women are forbidden from owning businesses and always have their husbands chosen for them, one girl leaves home dressed as a boy to make her way in the world. Her business endeavor is wildly successful over the years, but will eventually cost her the opportunity to marry the man she loves. This is a school book I read to Tyler.

p. 197, When I was awake and in control, I knew better than to weep over what I couldn't do anything about. It was only in the echoing dark that I couldn't help myself. It was then I realized that the pain of my loneliness would not, as I had thought, grow less with time.

The Strength of His Hand, written by Lynn Austin

This novel is based on the biblical character of King Hezekiah and is filled with reminders to trust God, even when it's hard or doesn't seem to make sense. It's actually the third book in a series of five about biblical kings, but you don't need to read the others to follow it. This book was the April part of a year-long gift from a friend, one book to unwrap and read each month. I also used this book for the "book set in the Middle East" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

p. 162, "Don't trade a chance at happiness for a title or prestige. It's not a fair exchange."

These is my Words: The Diary of Sarah Agnes Prine, 1881-1901, written by Nancy E. Turner

Inspired by the author's family history, this novel tells a compelling story of twenty years in one woman's life. Despite plenty of danger, tragedy, and heartbreak, this book is filled with the courage, perseverance, and love of individuals, friends, and family members. I chose this book for the "first book in a trilogy" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

p. 226, It is a funny thing how much more proud people can be of themselves if they never step back and take a good look in a glass. 

p. 277, (E)ducation doesn't keep a person from being a fool, and the lack of it doesn't keep a person from being intelligent. 

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BOOKS I FINISHED - MARCH 2023

The Black Pearl, written by Scott O'Dell and illustrated by Milton Johnson

Soon after becoming a partner in his father's pearling business, a sixteen year old boy discovers a giant pearl. One man believes it belongs to Manta Diablo, a dangerous monster of the sea, and harm will come to those who keep it. Four men want to pool their resources to buy it. One man wants to give the pearl to the church, believing the generosity will bring blessing on his family. One man wants to steal it for personal gain. The teenager who found the pearl learns that maturity comes not from professional advancement, feats of physical strength, or acts of bravery, but in humbly doing what's right. I chose this book for the "book you can read in a day" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

 

A Dog's Way Home, written by W. Bruce Cameron

A stray dog is claimed by a man who loves her, but can't keep her in his home. This predicament sets off a chain of events that leads her to cross hundreds of miles over two years to get back to him, a period of time where she provides comfort to people and animals who need her. This book was the March part of a year-long gift from a friend, one book to unwrap and read each month. I chose this book for the "book with non-human characters" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

Ella Minnow Pea: A Progressively Lipogrammatic Epistolary Fable, written by Mark Dunn

This novel is about an island where the use of specific letters is gradually outlawed as those letters fall off a statue, and the letters also drop from the written story along the way. Trying to prevent the total annihilation of language, as well as the quality of life that comes with the freedom to communicate freely, a young woman and some cohorts work against a deadline to find a solution to the problem that will be acceptable to the small group of leaders who have taken control of how people can communicate. Creative and amusing on the surface, but also with a wide vocabulary and some depth that makes you think. I chose this book for the "book with food on the cover" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

The House of Hope and Fear: Life in a Big City Hospital, written by Audrey Young, MD

The author started her career as a doctor at Harborview Medical Center in Washington, a facility where the policy was to never turn anyone away. The book is several years old now, published in 2009. I don't know how things have changed since then, but it's an opportunity to better understand how one particular hospital prioritized people over profits, including staff who turned down significant raises elsewhere because they were passionate about the work at Harborview, while simultaneously running the facility as a successful business. It's not only a reflection of the various specific issues that present in the emergency department and the logistics of managing care, but also about the greater issues of poverty, addiction, homelessness, affluence, and the cost, financial and otherwise, of medical care. 

p. 227, The fact is that Harborview is one of a very few places in our society with no comfortable distance between the truly wealthy and the desperately poor, where there are no buffers like separate neighborhoods and separate schools to anesthetize against the sting of disparity. 

Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All, written by Allan Gurganus

Challenged to read a book with over 600 pages, I chose this 718 page novel on the recommendation of a friend. It's filled with heavy topics like trauma during and after war, child soldiers, child brides, the kidnapping of people from one country to make them slaves in another, abuse, the loss of loved ones, and societal expectations based on class and gender. Written in the voice of a woman nearing 100, one who was married to a 50 year old veteran when she was 15 and bore 9 of his kids, a woman whose closest friend was a former slave of her husband's family, it's also personal, humanizing the choices made by people in circumstances that ranged from uncomfortable to horrific. Really long and not necessarily an easy read, but well-written.

ETA: I originally chose this book for the "book with over 600 pages" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year, but I read Just As I Am: The Autobiography of Billy Graham in June and decided to use it instead. Now this book is being used for my "book with a six word title" category.

p. 6, ... why a quiet house, it grew on me. Stopped sounding like what was missing, started being what I had. 

p. 10, Memory seems to work like that - meaning: wrong, for some of the right reasons.

p. 264, Once we depreciate others as being wholly unlike ourselves, we've succumbed to the same flattening they've practiced on us.

p. 265, The Book says we're all dead level in the eyes of God. Our Forefathers claimed everybody's created equal (of course, by the time you get delivered nine months later, seems like social class, skin color, looks, and health have pretty much knocked the pins out from under Conception's fair shake). 

p. 274, Experience is a pop quiz you ain't ever quite prepared for. 

p. 330, My mother once told me that, of all the electric feelings on life's totem pole of bargain-basement emotions, Jealousy and Self-Pity are the tackiest. 

p. 341, You marry, it means you've signed on as a witness to that person's pain - meaning their history, entire.

p. 372, To folks most interested in rightful owners' control, parenthood can be the hardest job of all. 

p. 399, Child? Beware of using up your last forty years in being the curator of your first fifty. That ain't getting ahead!

p. 552, To feel another person's big mitt close over all five of your own fingers - I cannot tell you how calming this was just then, how precious.

p. 573, Is Freedom not needing too much? Or maybe always having more than you can use? Tell me, Lady. 

Shadow Spinner, written by Susan Fletcher

The Sultan is betrayed by his wife and responds by marrying, then killing, a new wife every night. Eventually he hears one of the wives telling a story and his interest is piqued. As long as she can tell stories he's never heard before, he spares her life, and therefore the lives of all young women, one night at a time. When she becomes dependent on another young woman for a particular story the Sultan wants to hear, several lives become entangled in the plot to satisfy his demands. This is a school book that I read to Tyler. I chose this book for the "set in the Middle East" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

p. 151, "We all have our demons to deal with, Little Pigeon. It's when we cherish them - cradle them to our breasts and feed them day after day - that's when they curdle our souls."

p. 187, It seemed that in this world we were piling up hurt upon hurt, and hate upon hate, and then hurt upon hurt again. Forgiveness. We couldn't forgive. We could only hate when we were hurt. And then the hurt and the hate would start up again - all in a terrible circle. 

p. 194, Words are how the powerless can have power.
 

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BOOKS I FINISHED - FEBRUARY 2023

 

Gender Roles and the People of God: Rethinking What We Were Taught About Men and Women in the Church, written by Alice Matthews

A reading challenge I'm doing this year has a category of "a book that challenges your viewpoint". I won't talk publicly about my viewpoint on gender roles within the church, the things I feel either confident or unsure about, but my experience has been heavily on the complementarian side.

Every church I can remember attending has either been complementarian, meaning men and women have different roles within the church (and home) based on gender, or appeared that way on the surface (meaning the denomination wasn't, but the specific congregation happened to play out that way).

A book that teaches the egalitarian side, that roles are always based on skills or giftings instead of gender, but does so with biblical support instead of just an "anything men can do, women can do better" or "girl boss" attitude, would help me to have a more balanced understanding of the topic while also helping me cross another book off my challenge list.

This book was well-written and not emotionally charged or with an anti-men tone, which I really appreciated. The first two-thirds looks at the issue from a biblical vantage point and is filled with Bible verses. (Sidenote: If you're a follower of Jesus reading a faith-based book that takes a stance on an issue, I think it's critical that it have lots of Bible verses you can look up and study for yourself.) The last third looks at it from a historical context, moving from the first century to modern times. 

Regardless of whether you agree with the author's perspective, I think the book is worth reading because she's articulate, respectful, values the Bible, and is clear about her guidelines for interpreting scripture. 

The Last Thing He Told Me, written by Laura Dave

As if having her new husband mysteriously disappear wasn't hard enough, a woman soon discovers the man she loves isn't who she believed him to be. How does she follow his final request of her, that she protect his daughter, without actually knowing what she's protecting her step-daughter from? This is a novel of truth and lies, the danger that comes with each option, and what it means to love sacrificially. I chose this book for the "adventure/espionage" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

p. 266, This is the thing about good and evil. They aren't so far apart - and they often start from the same valiant place of wanting something to be different. 

The Memory Keeper's Daughter, written by Kim Edwards

An orthopedic surgeon and his nurse have to unexpectedly deliver he and his wife's baby. That one baby turns out to be unexpected twins, and one has Down's syndrome. The already life-changing moment of becoming a parent is made even more impacting when the man makes an impulsive decision that will radically and permanently change the lives of all five people in the delivery room. The consequences of deception have a ripple effect one can never fully anticipate and lies meant to protect can cause more damage than the truth. This book was the February part of a year-long gift from a friend, one book to unwrap and read each month.

p. 78, "You can't spend the rest of your life tiptoeing around to try and avert disaster. It won't work. You'll just end up missing the life you have."

p. 247, (S)he had been so young, so lonely and naive, that she imagined herself as some sort of vessel to be filled up with love. But it wasn't like that. The love was within her all the time, and its only renewal came from giving it away. 

p. 396, "(W)e have a choice. To be bitter and angry, or to try and move on. It's the hardest thing for me, letting go of all that righteous anger. I'm still struggling. But that's what I want to do."

Now I Am Known: How a Street Kid Turned Foster Dad Found Acceptance and True Worth, written by Peter Mutabazi with Mark Tabb

This is the heart-breaking and hope-filled story of a ten year old who ran away from abuse and poverty at home to live on the streets of Kampala, Uganda for five years. It's a story about trauma and survival mode, of looking for the best in people and showing compassion toward those whose lives are messy in ways different than our own. It's about the power of offering and receiving opportunities for growth, of the incredible power of our words and the importance of forgiveness. It's about traveling to help with international humanitarian work, of committing to the personal work of local foster care. It's about that ten year old boy having his life changed by people who chose to see and nurture the good in him when he was unable to see or foster it in himself becoming a man who is able to pay that same kindness, respect, and help forward to others. I chose this book for the "biography" category of a book challenge I'm doing this year.

p. 40, When you live around garbage and you smell like garbage and people treat you like garbage, it's hard not to think of yourself that way. 

p. 66, When life beats people down for too long, they lose hope. They cannot see a way out of their circumstances. They cannot see their own value. When others cannot see their own potential, we need to step in and see it for them. 

p. 80, Hurting people do not deserve judgment. They need understanding. They need patience. They need love. They need grace.

p. 92, I caught a glimpse of a future that I could imagine becoming a reality, which gave me hope, but for hope to take root within a heart , a person must take another step. I had to stop seeing myself through the lens of my past. 

p. 134, Hurting people need to be heard. They need to know they are not alone. These children who had lost everything needed to know they still mattered. The only way I could do that was by listening to one story after another, even when I thought my heart could not bear hearing another child describe in detail what it was like to watch their mother and father die at the hands of people they once thought of as friends. The stories all sounded so much alike, but for these children, each story was as unique as they were. 

p. 137, I know firsthand that if you don't deal with the hate you experienced as a child, it will continue to influence your future well into adulthood. That's what hate does: it keeps us locked, stuck, and prevents us from the growth we are meant for. But forgiveness can set us free. 

p. 191, Is my life really devoted to making a difference in the lives of those who are most vulnerable when what I do requires zero sacrifice on my part? I knew the answer. Now the question was, What was I going to do about it?

p. 196, While we are all shaped by our past, none of us are chained to it.

Teresa of Calcutta, written by D. Jeanene Watson and illustrated by Robert E. Lawson

This well-known woman spent most of her life in India, living among and serving the poor and neglected. She took Jesus seriously when he said that the way we treat those in need is the way we treat him, a belief that was the driving force in her work. This is a school book that I read to Tyler.

The Year I Stopped to Notice, written by Miranda Kelling and illustrated by Luci Power

This random, charming book is filled with vivid imagery in brief descriptions of ordinary moments seen by the author. You can go through it in one sitting of light reading or pick it up occasionally and savor just a few descriptions.

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BOOKS I FINISHED - DECEMBER 2022

The Christmas Bookshop, written by Jenny Colgan

A woman whose life isn't playing out like she wants. A strained relationship between sisters. A bookstore that's about to go out of business. A lonely old man. A supportive community. A predictable story filled with reminders that relationships are worth the effort, arrogance is unattractive, humility is appealing, communication is essential, and your own happiness should never be your primary goal. 

p. 93, "Children's books today are so terribly anodyne, don't you think? Love yourself, love yourself, be kind, blah blah, love yourself. I think we can get a little beyond that, don't you, Leone?"

p. 116, "I mean. Smile at the dawn? What does that even mean? Find your own happiness? Well, what if your happiness is ... I don't know ...  kicking dogs? Do what you love? Unless you're a pedophile. I mean, it's ... I think people get unhappy trying to do what makes them happy. Don't tell my publisher."

p. 219, "It's just people trying to be happy," she said. 

"I understand that," said Oke. "I'm just not sure it's the best way to go about it."

"What do you think happiness is?" she asked him.

"A by-product," he answered immediately, "to being useful."

She looked at him. "What?" she said. "What do you mean?"

He looked back at her, surprised. "Well, he said, "if you do good work and are useful, that makes you happy."

Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again, written by Lysa TerKeurst

I was looking up a different book at the library when I spotted this one. As one who struggles against bitterness, I suspected it would be a good book for me to read. And it was. I appreciate her humility in describing her own experience with unforgiveness and her kindness toward those facing the same problem. She's compassionate and practical, which is a helpful combination. This is a book I should probably just buy a copy of because there were so many quotes I liked, things I'll need to keep pondering and continue to be reminded of. 

p. xvi, The more our pain consumes us, the more it will control us.

p. 10, Those who cooperate most fully with forgiveness really are those who dance most freely in the beauty of redemption. 

p. 32, What we look for is what we will see. What we see determines our perspective. And our perspective becomes our reality.

p. 41, I must separate my healing from others' repentance or lack thereof. My ability to heal cannot be conditional on them wanting my forgiveness but only on my willingness to give it.

p. 44, (She named a specific person and a specific act, but I left those parts blank because I like the structure of her statement for any offense.) "I forgive _____ for _____. And whatever my feelings don't yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover."

p. 45, I only needed to bring my willingness to forgive, not the fullness of all my restored feelings.

p. 74, Love is a thing of depth. When forced to stay on the surface, it flounders about like a fish out of water. A fish can't live on the surface, because it can't breathe. It breathes oxygen but not from the surface air. Fish pull water through their gills, which dissolve the oxygen from the water and dispense it into their bodies. If they don't get below the surface, they will be starved of what gives them life. Love is a bit like that.

Love needs depth to live. Love needs honesty to grow. Love needs trust to survive. 

 

When starved of depth, it flounders. When deprived of honesty, it shrivels. And when trust is broken, love is paralyzed. 

p. 75, I've heard it said that people fall in love. I wish the expression was more like, "We found love, and then we chose it over and over together." 

p. 92, Whole, healthy people are capable of giving and receiving love. Giving and receiving forgiveness. Giving and receiving hope. Giving and receiving constructive feedback. Giving and receiving life lessons tucked within the harder things we've been through.

p. 111, Forgiveness releases to the Lord your need for them to be punished or corrected, giving it to the only One who can do this with right measures of justice and mercy.

p. 123, Relationships that need boundaries will not get better on their own. 

p. 124, When you empty all your emotional, physical, financial, or relational resources to help another person who doesn't want to be helped, you will become more and more unhealthy in the process. 

p. 127, We can forgive them. But we cannot control them. And we should not enable them.

p. 127, Forgiveness releases our need for retaliation, not our need for boundaries.

p. 132, Boundaries aren't to push others away. They are to hold me together.

p. 135, It's for the sake of your sanity that you draw necessary boundaries.

It's for the sake of stability that you stay consistent with those boundaries. 

But always remember that, as we grow with Christ, our capacity for compassion should have the propensity to expand. Therefore, it's for the sake of maturity that you ask the Lord to help you reassess those boundaries. 

p. 150, If we try and draw conclusions from the well of our deep pain, we will only have the sorrow of today to sip from. If, however, we draw strength from the deep well of God's promises for tomorrow and His faithfulness to us in the past, His living water is the goodness that will seep life into our dry and weary souls. 

p. 150, (quoting Jim Cress) "Hope is the melody of the future. Faith is dancing to that melody right now."

p. 164, God's faithfulness isn't demonstrated by his activity aligning with your prayers. It's your prayers aligning with His faithfulness and His will where you become more and more assured of His activity. Even if, maybe especially if, His activity and His answers don't look like you thought they would. 

p. 168, We try to control what we don't trust.

p. 174, Bitterness doesn't just want to room with you; it wants to completely consume everything about you. 

p. 184, What if bitterness is actually a seed of beautiful potential not yet planted in the rich soil of forgiveness?

p. 200, Now, I'm realizing the antithesis of peace isn't chaos. It's selfishness. Mine and theirs. Self-care is good. Self-centeredness is not. 

p. 200, Peace is the evidence of a life of forgiveness. 

It's not that the people all around you are peaceful or that all your relationships are perfectly peaceful all the time. Rather, it's having a deep-down knowing that you've released yourself from the binding effects of the constricting force of unforgiveness and the constraining feelings of unfairness. 

p. 202, Not forgiving someone isn't teaching the other person a lesson, nor is it protecting you in any way. It's making the choice to stay in pain.

p. 214, Maturity isn't the absence of hard stuff. Maturity is the evidence that a person allowed the hard stuff to work for them rather than against them. 

Most of the time we only think about what hardships take from us. Maturity helps us see how hardships can add what's missing in our development. Maturity helps us become more self-aware. Maturity helps us process with healthier perspectives. Maturity sets us up for healthier relationships. And maturity has a depth of empathy for others and a patience for imperfection that is less likely to get so easily offended. 

Parnassus on Wheels, written by Christopher Morley

A traveling bookseller ready to sell his business, the spinster (how a single, 39 year old woman is described in the book) who impulsively buys his book wagon and sets off on an adventure, the woman's brother who's an author and neglects the farm they share in favor of writing. This quick read is charming more than a century after it was written.

p. 39, "Lord!" he said, "when you sell a man a book you don't sell him just twelve ounces of paper and ink and glue - you sell him a whole new life. Love and friendship and humour and ships at sea by night - there's all heaven and earth in a book, a real book I mean."

p. 136, What absurd victims of contrary desires we are! If a man is settled in one place he yearns to wander; when he wanders he yearns to have a home. And yet how bestial is content - all the great things in life are done by discontented people.

p. 145, I think reading a good book makes one modest. When you see the marvelous insight  into human nature, which a truly great book shows, it is bound to make you feel small - like looking at the Dipper on a clear night, or seeing the winter sunrise when you go out to collect the morning eggs. And anything that makes you feel small is mighty good for you. 

p. 146, I good book out to have something simple about it. And, like Eve, it ought to come from somewhere near the third rib: there out to be a heart beating in it. A story that's all forehead doesn't amount to much. 

The View from Saturday, written by E. L. Konisberg

Four sixth grade students, one teacher, the tangled web of ways their lives are connected, and their unprecedented success in a middle school Academic Bowl. A story about caring for others, learning about yourself, and prioritizing friendship. This is one of the kids' school books that I read for myself.

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BOOKS I FINISHED - NOVEMBER 2022

Balcony People, written by Joyce Landorf

This short book challenges the reader to be the type of person who cheers others on and encourages the good we see in them, rather than one who prefers to point out the real or perceived negatives in others. As one who naturally leans the way of the evaluator at home (yes, that's part of my role as a parent and homemaker, but I can swing too far that direction), I want to become better at being an affirmer.

p. 47, It seems to me that few, too few, of us honor one another. We are too interested in our own welfare, our own successes, our own achievements. 

p. 48, Real affirmers are always searching for ways to improve their hearing. Evaluators are always talking.

p. 64, What would happen to our churches, or to the body of believers, if we decided to zipper our mouths against negative, hurtful, or egotistical pronouncements and give ourselves to the exquisite, rewarding task of affirming?

The Christmas Pearl, written by Dorothea Benton Frank

It's been decades since 96 year old Theodora has experienced a Christmas like the ones of her childhood, filled with kindness, excitement, and festive traditions. This year her extended family, a group defined by their dysfunction and hostility toward each other, is gathered under one roof. It could be a disaster, but some Christmas magic changes everything.

Liturgy of the Ordinary: Sacred Practices in Everyday Life, written by Tish Harrison Warren

This book is an encouragement to find the sacred in the mundane, to worship God in the way we view and go about our daily activities. For me, it's also a way to better understand a faith tradition that's different than my own.  

p. 21, We tend to want a Christian life with the dull bits cut out.

Yet God made us to spend our days in rest, work, and play, taking care of our bodies, our families, our neighborhoods, our homes. What if all these boring parts matter to God? What if days passed in ways that feel small and insignificant to us are weighty with meaning and part of the abundant life that God has for us?

p. 27, My morning smartphone ritual was brief - no more than five or ten minutes. But I was imprinted. My day was imprinted by technology. And like a mountain lion cub attached to her humans, I'd look for all good things to come from glowing screens. 

Technology began to fill every empty moment in the day. < snip > Throughout the day I fed on a near-constant stream of news, entertainment, stimulation, likes, and retweets. Without realizing it, I had slowly built a habit: a steady resistance to and dread of boredom.

p. 30, In church on Sunday we participate in a liturgy - a ritualized way of worship - that we repeat each week and by which we are transformed. < snip > Even those traditions that claim to be freeform or non-liturgical include practices and patterns in worship. Therefore, the question is not whether we have a liturgy. The question is, "What kind of people is our liturgy forming us to be?"

p. 31, Examining my daily liturgy as a liturgy - as something that both revealed and shaped what I love and worship - allowed me to realize that my daily practices were malforming me, making me less alive, less human, less able to give and receive love throughout my day. Changing this ritual allowed me to form a new repetitive and contemplative habit that pointed me toward a different way of being-in-the-world. 

p. 45, Similarly, when we denigrate our bodies - whether through neglect or staring at our faces and counting up our flaws - we are belittling a sacred site, a worship space more wondrous than the most glorious, ancient cathedral. We are standing before the Grand Canyon or the Sistine Chapel and rolling our eyes.

But when we use our bodies for their intended purpose - in gathered worship, raising our hands in singing or kneeling, or, in our average day, sleeping or savoring a meal or jumping or hiking or running or having sex with our spouse or kneeling in prayer or nursing a baby or digging a garden - it is glorious, as glorious as a great cathedral being used just as its architect had dreamt it would be.

p. 54, When the day is lovely and sunny and everything is going according to plan, I can look like a pretty good person. But little things gone wrong and interrupted plans reveal who I really am; my cracks show and I see that I am profoundly in need of grace. 

But here's the thing: pretty good people do not need Jesus. He came for the lost. He came for the broken. In his love for us he came to usher us into his foundness and wholeness.

p. 72, We must guard against those practices - both in the church and in our daily life - that shape us into mere consumers. Spirituality packaged as a path to personal self-fulfillment and happiness fits neatly into Western consumerism. But the Scriptures and the sacraments reorient us to be people who feed on the bread of life together and are sent out as stewards of redemption. We recall and reenact Christ's life poured out for us, and we are transformed int people who pour out our lives for others. 

p. 76, I can get caught up in big ideas of justice and truth and neglect the small opportunities around me to extend kindness, forgiveness, and grace. 

p. 84, Biblically, there is no divide between "radical" and "ordinary" believers. We are all called to be willing to follow Christ in radical ways, to answer the call of the one who told us to deny ourselves and take up our cross. And yet we are also called to stability, to the daily grind of responsibility for those nearest us, to the challenge of a mundane, well-lived Christian life. 

p. 85, Peace takes a whole lot of work. Conflict and resentment seem to be the easier route. Shorter, anyway. Less humiliating. 

p. 108, The practice of liturgical time teaches me, day by day, that time is not mine. It does not revolve around me. Time revolves around God - what he has done, what he is doing, and what he will do. 

p. 117, My best friendships are with people who are willing to get in the muck with me, who see me as I am, and who speak to me of our hope in Christ in the midst of it. These friends' lives become a sermon to me. I don't mean that we give each other pat answers or cheap pep talks - few things are worse than receiving a neat little packaged sermon after we've poured our our fears or embarrassments to someone. Instead, we hold up the experiences of our lives to the Word of truth. 

p. 125, We are drawn to those we find lovely and likable. Yet those Jesus spent his time among - and those most drawn to Jesus - were the odd, the disheveled, and the outcast. Those who were winning at life saw no need for this life-disrupting Savior. The people of God are the losers, misfits, and broken. This is good news - and humiliating. 

God loves and delights in the people in the pews around me and dares me to find beauty in them. 

p. 132, Christians are singing people. From ancient monks chanting the Psalms to Wesleyan hymnody, music has always been a way for the church to hone its theology and practice prayer with artistry and beauty. On every Sunday in every corner of the earth you can find Christians singing. From Gregorian chant to African-American spirituals to acoustic worship bands to Syriac chant to East African kwaya, we hear music echoing from every gathered community of Christians. 

p. 136, There are, of course, important things to do and good and necessary ways to use time. But it takes strength to enjoy the world, and we must exercise a kind of muscle to revel and delight. If we neglect exercising that muscle - if we never savor a lazy afternoon, if we must always be cleaning out the fridge or volunteering at church or clocking in more hours - we'll forget how to notice beauty and we'll miss the unmistakable reality of goodness that pleasure trains us to see.

p. 140, These moments of loveliness - good tea, bare trees, and soft shadows - are church bells. In my dimness, they jolt me to attention, and remind me that Christ is in our midst. His song of truth, sung by his people all over the world, echoes down my ordinary street, spilling even into my living room. 

p. 142, My willingness to sacrifice much-needed rest and my prioritizing amusement or work over the basic needs of my body and the people around me (with whom I'm far more likely to be short-tempered after a night of little sleep) reveal that these good things - entertainment and work - have taken a place of ascendancy in my life. In the nitty-gritty of my daily life, repentance for idolatry may look as pedestrian as shutting off my email an hour earlier or resisting that alluring clickbait to go to bed. 

p. 152, About one third of our lives are spent in sleep. Through these collective years of rest, God is at work in us and in the world, redeeming,  healing, and giving grace. Each night when we yield to sleep, we practice letting go of our reliance on self-effort and abiding in the good grace of our Creator. Thus embracing sleep is not only a confession of our limits; it is also a joyful confession of God's limitless care for us. For Christians, the act of ceasing and relaxing into sleep is an act of reliance on God. 

The Master Puppeteer, written by Katherine Paterson

Tension between fathers and the sons who don't meet their standards, a city that's starving to death, a bandit who robs from the rich to feed the poor, a famous puppet theater with a demanding master, and the significance of friendship. I read this to Tyler for school and he'd always ask me to read one more chapter. 

The Vanderbeekers of 141st Street, written by Karina Yan Glaser

Faced with the shock of their lease not being renewed, the Vanderbeeker kids are desperate to find a way to stay in the only home they've ever known. It's them and the Harlem neighborhood they're deeply involved in against their reclusive, unfriendly landlord. I didn't realize until after reading this book that it's the first in a series, so I plan on reading the others.

Warriors Don't Cry: The Searing Memoir of the Battle to Integrate Little Rock's Central High, written by Melba Patillo Beals

The way our country treats its citizens can be absolutely appalling at times, including when a handful of black students were chosen to integrate an all-white high school in the 1950s. The violence and harassment they and their families were subjected to because of their skin color was completely unacceptable. Yet they chose it day after day after day so other kids wouldn't have to, for future freedom. The author was one of those students.

p. 3, Black folks aren't born expecting segregation, prepared from day one to follow its confining rules. Nobody presents you with a handbook when you're teething and says, "Here's how you must behave as a second-class citizen." Instead, the humiliating expectations and traditions of segregation creep over you, slowly stealing a teaspoonful of your self-esteem each day. 

p. 95, I felt proud and sad at the same time. Proud that I lived in a country that would go this far to bring justice to a Little Rock girl like me, but sad that they had to go to such lengths. 

p. 224, I pause to look up at this massive school - two blocks square and seven stories high, a place that was meant to nourish us and prepare us for adulthood. But because we dared to challenge the Southern tradition of segregation, this school became, instead, a furnace that consumed our youth and forged us into reluctant warriors.

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BOOKS I FINISHED - DECEMBER 2020

*****

Betsy and the Emperor, written by Staton Rubin
Based loosely on the relationship between Betsy Balcombe and Napoleon Bonaparte, and inspired by the existence of (but unread by Rubin) Balcombe's account of the three years she spent with Bonaparte, this novel is about a young teenager who was terrified of the famed conqueror when his exile involved moving into her family's home. Over time, however, her feelings changed and they developed a close relationship. This is a school book for the kids that I read on my own. 

*****

Mockingbird, written by Kathryn Erskine
Finding closure can be difficult for anyone, but it's particularly challenging when you're a kid with Asperger's. It's not impossible, though, when you have people in your life who care about you and a personal determination to keep moving forward.

*****

BOOKS I FINISHED - AUGUST 2020

*****

Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life, written by Emily P. Freeman

This book is an excellent reminder that I don't have to prove my worth to God, that I can have peace in being who he's made me to be when I'm resting securely in his love for me. Whether it's being a stereotypical firstborn, a default of my personality, or just human nature, things like resting (mentally, if not physically) and having peace are hard for me to come by. I love Freeman's encouragement to set down whatever masks we're putting on to get through life and simply trust Jesus, as well as her down-to-earth, vulnerable style of writing.

p. 13, I taught people around me that I had no needs and then was secretly angry with them for believing me. 

p. 22, There is someone you want to be, and she isn't a hiding, mask-wearing, fear-filled woman. Worry is a thief, Fear is a liar, and Anxiety is their trembling, furrow-browed baby. < snip > Worry robs me of the peace I know is available. Fear lies and says there is no peace at all. And their immature, screaming baby Anxiety keeps me up at night with her unrelenting cries of what if? and what now? and what will they think?

p. 26, This innate desire to be good indeed protected me from a lot of heartache and baggage. It protected me from teenage pregnancy and bad grades and jail. But it did not bring me any greater understanding of God. It did not protect me from my own impossible expectations.

p. 32, When we believe that God expects us to try hard to become who Jesus wants us to be, we will live in that blurry, frustrating land of Should Be rather than trust in The One Who Is. We will do whatever we believe it takes to please God rather than receive the acceptance that has already been given. We will perform to live up to what we believe his expectation is of us rather than expectantly wait on him.

p. 48, He wasn't working to maintain a good reputation. He was walking in dependence on his Father. Jesus didn't value what people thought; he valued people, period. 

p. 63, With that, I reveal what I truly believe about God and service and my own role in his story. I see myself as irreplaceable when I think that the work won't get done unless I do it. Instead of looking to him to provide what is needed, Martha rolled up her sleeves and took on responsibility for things that may never have been meant for her. 

p. 65, So serve. By all means, serve. But don't do it from behind a martyr's mask of duty or self-righteous obligation. By faith, believe that you are free to do it from a place of total and complete acceptance by the only One who is extraordinary.

p. 95, I have missed out on a lot of freedom because of my fear of rejection. We may call it "people-pleasing," but it is entirely self-serving because it is really all about keeping myself comfortable. Boiled down, it could be more accurately called "me pleasing."

p. 100, Since when does the awesomeness of my testimony depend on the extremity of my rebellion?

p. 105, It was important for me to get to a place where I saw myself as a prodigal, because the weak recognize their need so much more quickly than the strong.

p. 106, (referencing Luke 15:11-32, specifically verse 31) All that is mine is yours. We already have the love and acceptance of our Father, so why do we try so hard to earn it?

p. 112, Satan did two things in the Garden that are vital to understand as we begin the process of letting go of our girl-made hiding places. First, he convinced Eve she had to do something in order to be something: If you eat the fruit, then you will be like God. Sound familiar? 

< snip >

The second thing Satan did in the Garden is a little trickier, something many people go their whole lives without noticing. 

< snip >

Satan told the woman, "You will be like God" (Gen. 3:5). But God had already covered that. In Genesis 1:27, God made man and woman in his own image. So what does that mean?

It means they already were like God, make in his likeness, bearing his image. Satan was promising something to them that God had already graciously and lovingly provided. Satan convinced them to forget God's gift and try to work for it instead. 

p. 116, Mercy protects. Grace provides.

p. 125 (quoting her counselor, who I believe to be Steve Lynam, based on later parts of the book), "You're not this way. This may be how you cope, but this is not who you are." 

p. 137, When you let go of those things you have let define you all your life, you will not be left with nothing. The story of redemption and healing is that Jesus came to exchange my not-good-enough with his better-than-I-could-ever-imagine. He came to trade my life for his, my weak for his strong, my ashes for his beauty. He longs for us to receive the gift of himself.

p. 138, Are you trying to be who Jesus wants you to be? Or do you trust him to bring out who he has already created you to be? It is vital to recognize the difference between these two questions because one leads to death, the other to life. 

p. 138, I had an inaccurate idea of the fruit of the Spirit. Rather than a checklist of things we are to work on, the Galatians 5:22-23 list is a beautiful description of a Person who lives in us: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." 

< snip > 

Only Jesus can be like Jesus. And he wants me to trust him to be who he is in and through me. "If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit" (Gal 5:25). We received him by faith for salvation, and now we can walk in him by faith just the same. 

p. 141, While I never regretted sitting down and reading my Bible or making myself pray through a list of people, I was often left feeling as though I had accomplished something rather than related with someone. Jesus does not have bullet points. I cannot check him off. But that is what I tried to do.

p. 143, The confident, strong, independent woman I thought I would one day become had disappeared like a vapor, and in her place stood my relevant Jesus, waiting with a smile to be the strength I didn't have on my own. 

p. 144, We have a Creator who knows about the swing. He set it into motion. He is not afraid of our life states. They don't hinder him. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love. He offers us a new place to hide. 

p. 144. We are not called to be strong women. Oh, how that sentence makes me bristle. I want to be strong, independent, and capable. 

p. 147 & 148, There is no room for rest, for still, for quiet. The words repeat like a drumbeat in the background. 

Do. Act. Work. Produce.

< snip >

In a day that seems impossibly packed to overflowing with the list, he can multiply time and space like loaves and fishes beside the sea. And the gentle rhythm of truth rises from within. 

Be. Trust. Receive. Respond.

p. 149, Quiet time is no longer something I do. Rather, it is a description of what happens when I am with God. Time can be a loud, chaotic, rushing-around companion. But as I sit in the presence of God, he quiets my time. 

p. 156, When we depend on Jesus, when we know we can't but he can, we worship. It is so much bigger than we let it be. When we let peace rule, we worship. When we let his Word dwell richly within us, we worship. When we receive the gift in life, both small and big, as from his hand, we offer worship. 

p. 170, As good girls, it is generally easy to resist the big stuff. The challenge comes in the everyday, living-life things. When the truth doesn't feel true is when we begin to believe it isn't. Satan's biggest, most effective weapon against good girls may not be lust or slander or adultery or addiction. It is forgetfulness. 

p. 173, Healing is messy and fluid and often unpredictable. I can't manufacture my own healing. It usually takes longer than I think, runs deeper than I wished, and involves more areas of my life than I ever imagined. But once I come through it on the other side, healing not only offers the closure I thought I wanted, it comes with a wholeness, wellness, and restoration that closure lacks. 

p. 187 (quoting Presten Gillham),  "Worry and fear are simply the belief that I have gotten myself into a place where God is not."

p. 191, Refusing to forgive is ugly. In fact, it could be the number one thing that keeps people from living free. 

p. 192, To admit that the offense hurts is necessary to our healing. To feel the pain caused by the failure of others is honest and human and okay. I do not know the extent to which someone else has hurt you. I do not know how deeply their failure has affected you. But I do know this: you will never be more free than when you let go of your right to be the good one.

< snip >

Please understand what I am saying. I am not saying we are to forget the pain caused by the sin of those around us. I am not saying we are to be doormats. I am saying we are to depend on Jesus, period. You don't have to protect yourself. If you continue to put your own insatiable desire to be right and heard and understood as the central hub on the wheel of your life, you will forever be going nowhere, and you may never be free. 

p. 207, To accept the lovely, the messy, and the unexpected things in our days, knowing that God sees them and has an eternal perspective, is to say with confidence I receive your timing. I accept that you know so I don't have to. Even when it all goes wrong. 

p. 214, In that moment, in the middle of all that mess, I had a fleeting initially unwelcome thought: What is the truth here? 

In the midst of wallowing emotions, this question is not one I feel like considering. It takes practice, purpose, and faith. But this question will be the bridge for you between the lie and the truth. If you do not stop to answer this question, you will live in default  mode. You life will be a series of earthly, predictable reactions to people and circumstances. You will either hide behind your mask in fear or rip it off in rebellion, anger, and bitterness at the world you have allowed to spin crazy around you. 

Sidenote: This syncs up with four questions she encourages us to ask ourselves when we feel compelled to protect ourselves in unhealthy ways. 

What is the truth? (Spirit) 

What will you believe? (Mind)

What will you do? (Will)
Will you give up the right to feel as if God's truth is true (Emotions)

p. 215, Don't deny the feelings, but realize it takes no faith to stay in the feelings. They are like the screen saver that comes up when the computer is inactive. It is the automatic response, the natural response. You cannot set your mind on two things at once. Thoughts may come fast and furious, but they only come one at a time. Feelings generally follow what our minds are set on. We get to choose. 

*****

I Was Just Wondering, written by Philip Yancey

I think Yancey is very relatable and enjoyed this collection of some essays he's written (as well as every other book of his I've read), each springing from a list of questions about life and faith.

p. 49, Judgment without love makes enemies, not converts. 

p. 86, Yet, strangely enough, the peaks of success and earthly power also mark the peaks of intolerance and religious cruelty, those stains in church history we are most ashamed of today. 

p. 86, Regardless of the merits of a given issue - whether a prolife lobby out of the Right or environmental lobby out of the Left - political movements risk pulling onto themselves the cloak of power that smothers love. A movement by nature draws lines, makes distinctions, delivers judgments; in contrast, love erases lines, overcomes distinctions, and dispenses grace. 

p. 92, Maybe one problem underlying the scandals of Christian superstars is that we distort the kingdom of God by training our spotlight not on the servants, but on the stars. 

p. 157, After two weeks of reading the entire Bible, I came away with the strong sense that God doesn't care so much about being analyzed. Mainly - like any parent, like any lover - he wants to be loved. 

p. 172, Have you ever thought about how heavily our Gross National Product depends on romantic love?

p. 178, The Bible supports the general principle that "a man reaps what he sows," even in this life (see Pss.1:3; 37:25). But other people have no right to apply that general principle to a particular person.

*****

Miss Agnes and the Ginger Tom, written by Kirpatrick Hill

I didn't know The Year of Miss Agnes, which is one of my favorite school books, had a sequel until a recent Facebook discussion, then it unexpectedly showed up at my door one day as a gift from a friend. Another sweet story that serves as a reminder to meet people where they're at, focus on people's strengths, and support each other.

p. 43, Miss Agnes always said something was hard. All our other teachers used to tell us things were easy. And then we'd feel bad if we had a hard time learning it. When Miss Agnes said it was hard it would be hard at first like she said but we wouldn't feel bad because she told us it would be. Hard. And then it would get easy and we'd feel really proud because we'd learned another hard thing. 

p. 93, She said you didn't have to know everything, because no one could do that. You just had to know how to find the answers. 

That was what school was for, she said, to teach you to ask questions. And then teach you how to find the answers. And when you knew how, you could teach yourself all your life. 

*****

Philippians: Christ, the Source of Joy and Strength, written by John MacArthur

Philippians has much to say about our relationship with Jesus and with others, what we do with our resources, and the attitudes we have in various circumstances. This twelve chapter Bible study reinforced for me the importance of three things - what we choose to let our mind dwell on, caring for others in practical ways, and contentment that doesn't hinge on what's going on in our lives. 

*****

The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row, written by Anthony Ray Hinton with Lara Love Hardin

Hinton, who spent three decades incarcerated as an innocent man, gives an insider's look at death row, as well as providing inspiration to make the most of whatever circumstances we may find ourselves in. His is a story of hope and despair, loyalty and betrayal, and an opportunity for all of us, no matter what we may believe about the death penalty, to view it from the perspective of someone with more firsthand knowledge of it than most will ever have.

p. 81, When no one believes a word you say, the best thing to do is stop talking.

p. 115, I didn't want to make him feel bad for making me feel bad. That's what real friendship is about. Or any relationship, for that matter. You wanted the other person's happiness as much as, or more, than your own. 

p. 115, I was on death row not by my own choice, but I had made the choice to spend the last three years thinking about killing McGregor and thinking about killing myself. Despair was was a choice. Hatred was a choice. Anger was a choice. I still had choices, and that knowledge rocked me. I may not have had as many as Lester had, but I still had some choices. I could choose to give up or to hang on. Hope was a choice. Faith was a choice. And more than anything else, love was a choice. Compassion was a choice.

p. 117, I was born with the same gift from God we are all born with - the impulse to reach out and lessen the suffering of another human being. It was a gift, and we each had a choice wither to use this gift or not. 

p. 185, I wasn't surprised that the State was doing its best to keep me locked away and quiet. It was what the court had done from the beginning. It was still a lynching. It was taking decades to get the noose wrapped just right. I also wasn't naive. The State was unwilling to admit it had made a mistake. Alabama would rather stay wrong than admit that it had been wrong; rather accept injustice than admit it had been unjust. 

p. 241, Every single of one of us wants to matter. We want our lives and our stories and the choices we made or didn't make to matter. 

Death row taught me that it all matters. 

How we live matters.

Do we choose to love or do we choose to hate? Do we help or do we harm?

Because there's no way to k now the exact second your life changes forever. You can only begin to know that moment by looking in the rearview mirror.

And trust me when I tell you that you never, ever see it coming. 

p. 243 (speaking of a list of every person on death row in March 2017) Read their names. My name was once on this list. Just another name in a long list of names. Another person deemed irredeemable. The worst kind of cold-blooded killer that ever walked this earth. 

Only it wasn't true. 

p. 243, (speaking of the fact that statistically, one of out every ten people on death row are innocent) If only out of every ten planes crashed, we would stop all flights until we figured out what was broken. Our system is broken, and it's time we put a stop to the death penalty. 

p. 244, The death penalty is broken, and you are either part of the Death Squad or you are banging on the bars. 

Choose.

p. 255, Remember none of us are the worst thing we have done, and the right now, wherever you are, whoever you are, you can reach out to your fellow man or woman and bring your own light to the dark places. 

*****

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