BY REQUEST - CELEBRATING MILESTONES

I received the following e-mail from a reader.

I've been thinking, especially since my daughter was born, that our culture doesn't really have any milestone rituals. Unless I'm missing something, "sweet 16" is just for girls and it means big birthday party, which our family just doesn't do, age 18 means you can buy lottery tickets and age 21 means you can drink. So I know that I want to have a few meaningful milestones celebrated in our family, for instance, when my daughter gets her first period, when my son enters middle school, and then I'm thinking age 18 is a good one too. But I have no idea what to do, and yes, I know we're a long way off from it but it's something I want to really think and pray about and anticipate. I don't mean traditions, we have a lot of those, like father/daughter and mother /son dates, etc. I mean one or two milestones in our children's lives that are celebrated and given some importance. Anyway, I thought it might be neat to see if anyone else has had these thoughts and if they are planning anything like this.

Honestly, I hadn't given the topic much thought. Perhaps the male equivalent of a girl starting her period could be a boy's first shave. I think turning 16 is a big one if the child is getting their license. Driving is a huge responsibility and an eagerly anticipated privilege.

As far as how to celebrate different milestones, I'm hoping some people with experience, whether as the child or the parent, will chime in.

BY REQUEST - PARENTING A LAZY CHILD

I received an e-mail from someone today asking me to do a blog about parenting a child whose weakness is laziness and inviting comments specifically from people who have parented a lazy child.

While our boys both have times of being lazy, they don't have a chronic problem with laziness. So, I feel a bit unqualified to throw out advice. I'll just share what immediately came to mind and then depend on those who have walked that road or are in the midst of it themselves to pick up my slack.

I try to make the punishment fit the crime and use natural consequences as often as possible. I suppose that what I'd do would depend a little on how the laziness was manifesting itself. I'd also try to define what the opposite of laziness was so that I could work on instilling that quality in my child. Perhaps the opposite of laziness is responsibility or diligence. Maybe perseverance.

If the child was lazy about keeping their room clean (dawdling during cleanup time, leaving stuff laying around instead of putting it away, etc), then I'd get rid of most of their belongings. If you don't care enough about your belongings, then you don't need to have them.

If the child was lazy about getting chores done, then they would not get to do anything until their chores were completed. At our house no one gets breakfast until they are dressed, their bed are made, and their chores are done. I give a 15 minute window after breakfast is served for them to get stuff done. If they aren't at the table in 15 minutes, then they miss that meal. The responsible people do not have to wait for the lazy one to finish their chores and the lazy one doesn't get to drag breakfast out for hours.

If the child was lazy with schoolwork and was not putting forth their best effort, then they would redo the work until it was done to the best of their ability. I would not expect perfection, but I would expect an genuine attempt to do well.

Those are just a few practical examples off the top of my head. As a side note, I'd make sure that what appeared to be laziness was not a legitimate struggle with something. For example, I'd want to know the child being lazy in school was not struggling with numbers or dyslexia, that the child that dawdled in cleaning up their room wasn't genuinely overwhelmed by having too many toys, etc. Basically, I'd make sure I wasn't setting the kid up for failure in the first place.

I'd talk with the child about it outside of a specific lazy moment. I would ask some open-ended questions without any right or wrong answers. My goal would be to understand where they're coming from and to help them think through their choices. Perhaps their answers would help you better understand how to help them.

Possible questions:
* How would you define laziness?
* What do you think the natural consequences for laziness are (both for yourself and for others)?
* What is the opposite of laziness?
* What are the natural consequences of that trait?
* What makes it hard for you to get motivated in (name specific area they're lazy in)?

I'd also spend time praying for the child to overcome their laziness. The final thing that comes to mind would be to work together to find out what the Bible says about laziness and about diligence, hard work, perseverance, etc. Maybe look up verses and write them out together. Make it a team effort, not a punishment.

Ultimately, the child has to have a change of heart. You can't force that. You can, however, help them to see the bigger picture of how laziness will influence them, both now and in the future, and those around them, both now and in the future.

So, that is my totally inexperienced opinion. For the record, these are all the things I'd aim to do. In reality, I'd probably have a few psycho-mom moments of complete discouragement and total frustration. But you already knew that.

Now, those of you who have some experience, and especially those with some success, please give the person who e-mailed me the comments that she's hoping to get from you.

P - P - P - P - P - P

Pasta - Last Friday we got together with Charles, Sarah, John, Rachelle, and Taylor for dinner and playing Apples to Apples. The guys were in charge of cooking and Charles did homemade pasta. It was delicious! He let our boys each crank the pasta maker a few times too, which they thought was really cool.

I'm 32 years old and had never eaten fresh pasta before. Is that normal?

Potlucks - We recently finished our summer potluck series. Friends and food. An excellent combination! We had 79 people show up to the potlucks. Some came to more than one, bringing our total potluck attendance to 98. Think we can beat that next summer?

Praying Parents - I mentioned earlier this month that a friend had me write a guest post on her blog about praying for our kids. Well, I was recently cleaning out my inbox and found an e-mail I'd forgotten about. Someone had read the guest post and asked how I thought parents should pray for their kids who are married adults.

My thought is that parents can pray for their married kids in basically the same way they'd pray for their own lives. Concerning marriage - open communication, forgiveness and patience, sexual intimacy, genuine friendship. Concerning kids - unity in parenting, wisdom and discernment, easy and healthy conceptions and pregnancies, patience. Concerning individuality - contentment at work (whether a job site or at home with the kids), opportunities to use natural strengths and skills, willingness to work on weaknesses. This is obviously not an exhaustive list, but it's the first few things that popped in my head. In addition, a parent can pray about things that are specific to their child or their child's marriage, such as a child who struggles with depression or whose spouse is severely disabled.

So, tell me what you think. What are some things you'd want your parents to pray for you now that you are an adult, whether you're married and/or a parent or still single? For those whose kids are already grown, you may find some new insights in how to pray for them. For those who have no kids or whose kids are still at home, you can consider this a sneak preview into a way you can bless your kids when they are adults.

And if you want some more encouragement in the area of praying for your kids, then go back here. Mandi, from the site I did a guest post on, has spent the whole month of August focusing on praying for our kids and has had other people do guest posts. Clicking the link I just gave you will take you straight to the posts about prayer.