WE ARE AWARE. FULLY AWARE.

October is right around the corner. October. Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

You, along with any human old enough to know that it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month (and some who are too young to know understand there's a whole month dedicated to the disease), are already aware of breast cancer. Fully aware.

What you may not be aware of is how difficult October is for many of those who have battled or are currently battling the disease. 

Pink is everywhere in October. Absolutely everywhere. On clothing, writing utensils, jewelry, half the food on grocery store shelves, signs hanging on business windows, ads in magazines and newspapers, and more. Additionally, there are endless pictures and quotes posted online, some meant to be serious, informative, and/or inspirational and others using the justification of awareness to be crude, sexually suggestive, and/or tacky. 

Now imagine that you're seeing all that pink while currently bald, bloated or underweight, tired, and/or throwing up on a regular basis because of breast cancer. Imagine that you're hearing people's juvenile attempts at breast humor while your bra is filled with one or two fake breasts, ones that were put there because your real ones were surgically removed in an attempt to save or extend your life. Or maybe you hear the jokes while having neither real nor prosthetic breasts, but with incisions that are healing from a recent mastectomy. Imagine that you're reading all those posts on Facebook while wondering if your cancer that's currently in remission is going to come back, if you'll live long enough to raise your kids. 

Not fun. It's one veeeeeery long month of having your disease shoved in your face. True, the vast majority of it is well-intentioned, but it's still hard. 

Given the fact that my mom died of breast cancer in her 30s, I'm completely supportive of making sure people know the risks for breast cancer, what they can do to catch the disease early, and honoring those who have walked the disease's gnarly road. I will never say people should stop being aware (although I don't think we could be unaware if we wanted to).  

What I am saying is that it would be better to schedule a mammogram and remind your friends to do the same than to wear a pink ribbon on your shirt, to bring a week's worth of groceries to a family where the wife is going through chemo or radiation than to share a breast cancer related quote on Facebook, to send a note of encouragement to a woman who just had a mastectomy and is really struggling with feeling unfeminine than to come up with a witty (at best) or crude (at worst) remark about saving breasts. 

Awareness is worthless. Doing something with your awareness is what matters.

LINKS I LIKE #7

All righty, I've been building up a little stash of sites you should know about. Ready?

Cleaning For A Reason - I've been hearing & reading a lot lately from people who are frustrated by cancer "support" that is more about being trendy or getting attention than it is about actually making a real difference in the lives of people who are battling or dying from cancer. In light of that, I thought I'd give this organization a plug. They provide housecleaning services to women who are currently being treated for any kind of cancer. How cool is that?! If you're a housecleaning service and would like to participate in this program, then fill out the application. If you're neither a house cleaner nor a cancer patient, but would like to help provide this service to those in need, then there are a variety of ways you can donate financially to the program.

Why Big Families Might Be Easier - We don't have a big family, but this short article totally cracked me up! Wish I could remember who pointed me toward it. Oh well.

Brave Girls Club - Sandy linked this post on her own blog. Seeing Past What It Seems is an excellent reminder that the unattractive, less-than-ideal, or slightly scandalous thing occurring in someone's life may be totally beyond their control and the least of their worries, that you never really know all that's going on in someone's life, and that it's far better to show genuine concern and a willingness to help than it is to complain and judge.

Justice For Barbara - It's been a little over a year since one woman was murdered and her mother was seriously injured. The attack happened in Glendale, OR and the suspect has never been caught. Please take a good look at this sketch from the sheriff's office and get more details about the crime, then notify the authorities if you know anything that may be helpful in solving this crime.


As a sidenote, if you happen to know people connected to the victims of this crime, then please do not indicate that here. Thanks!

Mompetition - If you are annoyed by women who find every aspect of parenting to be a competition, think it's ridiculous when moms are arrogant about totally superficial things, and love sarcasm, then you have to watch the movies in this series. Most of them are around two minutes long and they crack. me. up. every time I watch them. Disclaimer: I haven't seen all of them and sometimes have gestures or words (and these are very brief) that some may find offensive.

Making Home - Jess, as per usual, has a great post about doing annual checkups in your marriage. I know Tim and I would do well to evaluate things like this more than we do, so I'm guessing many of you would also benefit from some routine, objective examining of your marriages.

Tenant Rights, Laws, & Protections (Oregon) - I've linked several people to this site over the last year, so I figured it would be a handy one to share for any of my readers who rent. I'm assuming there are similar sites in other states.

RACE FOR THE CURE - 2010

6:40 In the car.

6:50 Pulled into the parking lot of the Wilsonville movie theatre. Immediately choked up when I saw the people waiting to load the free shuttle buses. Was fighting tears the entire time I was on the bus. Most emotional part of the day for me. Weird.

7:25 Arrived at Portland's Race for the Cure, the third largest race in the country in numbers and the biggest per capita. Browsed through some booths. Scored some freebies. Saw a full-sized poodle dyed pink for the occasion. Saw Beckie or her twin. Still have to find out which it was.

8:00 Met with some of my team. Technically we were a team, but we participated in three different events and weren't all able to connect at the same time. Took a group photo. Chatted a bit. Filled out my "in memory of" card.




8:40 Got in line for my walk. Waited.

9:00 Started walking. Saw a memory card on the back of a woman saying that her mom died six days ago. Saw lots of families walking together in celebration of the wife/mom. Saw some men walking in memory of their wives. Saw lots of people walking in memory of their moms.

9:20 Spotted the fam, who had driven on their own later in the morning. Stopped to hug Naomi . Got my picture taken. Kept walking.



10:20 Finished walking. Found the fam. Walked to the Portland Saturday Market, which also runs on Sunday, despite the name, and bought some food. Met up with Thea and her friend. Ate together and chatted for a while.




11:30 Headed back to the shuttle bus. Brought Devon along. Ended up being the only riders. Chatted with Devon about the race, Komen, breast cancer treatments, and his need to keep the safety pins holding my bib onto my shirt. Chatted with the bus driver about what Wilsonville was like when he lived here in 1991-1992.

12:15 Arrived at home for a bathroom break and to get Silas. Tim's car still wasn't home. Headed to the church to meet Tim, who was dropping Silas off there. Let the boys head in after service was out to say their memory verses to their teacher. Went home.

1:00 Crawled into bed. Slept two hours.

3:00 Woke. Blogged. Spent the rest of the day tackling a messy house.

Once again, I want to thank everyone who supported me financially. My goal, which was a huge stretch for me, was $300 and I ended up with $345 in donations. Awesome!

I also want to publicly thank my family for coming. I didn't realize this was happening on a Sunday when I signed up, just assumed it was a Saturday event. Not the case! Due to the time of my event, I wasn't able to go to either service at church. I don't think I've ever missed church for anything other than childbirth or illness (mine or the kids'). I'm not saying that pridefully or anything, just as a piece of trivia. Needless to say, I was really bummed to miss church and had no expectation that my family would do the same.

A couple days ago, however, Tim told me they were going. Wish I'd copied his exact words, but the gist of it was that I've supported him in his things and they were all going to support me in mine. As I told him, "aw, warm fuzzies". So, there were four Ws sitting on the curb at the corner of Broadway and Morrison as I walked by. That really meant a lot to me!

One last shocking bit of news. I wore pink today. It was just a small amount and it was on the race shirt, but still ... I wore pink.

MORE THAN 100%

I'm walking in Komen's Race for the Cure in a few weeks. Remember me mentioning that? Well, between my blog post that said why I was doing it and an e-mail sent to a few friends and family members, I have reached my fundraising goal. Actually, I've passed it and there's still about three weeks left until the race!

A big thank you to friends I see regularly, family members, friends I've only talked with online, strangers who know one of my donors, and the women who were friends with my mom. I'm grateful to all of you for being part of this with me!

MAMMOGRAMS & WALKING

Today I scheduled my third annual mammogram, fourth total. That's something your average 34 year old doesn't do, but having a mom die of breast cancer in her 30s makes you something other than average in relation to mammograms.

Actually, I've kinda been in the funk of racing against my mom's clock lately, so I've avoided scheduling my appointment for a few weeks. It's like denial or something, which is kinda silly when you consider this is just a screening mammogram and I have no sign of a problem.

Anyway, it's on the calendar now.

On a related note, every September I hear about people doing Komen's Race for the Cure and every year I think "someday I'll do that". But I never do.

A couple weeks ago a friend mentioned that a group from our church was going to be running in it this year. Now, they're all newbie runners, but there's still no way in the world I'm going to run with them, even if they're slow. I hate running. A lot. Today someone from that group posted an invitation on Facebook for others to join and I asked if anyone was going to walk it. I could obviously walk alone, but it would be fun to have a partner to do it with. Another friend sent me a note saying she'd walk with me, so I had no excuse.

As of now, I'm officially registered to walk this year's Race for the Cure on 9/19/10.

Of course, Race for the Cure isn't just about walking or running. The primary goal is to raise money for the fight against breast cancer. As the daughter of someone who died of the disease, that's important to me. Here's a little info from Komen about how they spend their money.

The Oregon and SW Washington Affiliate of Susan G. Komen for the Cure® has one clear goal - saving lives. They are committed to serving all 36 counties in Oregon as well as the three counties in SW Washington: Clark, Skamania, and Cowlitz.

75% of their funds provide the following services for local women:

* Education about breast cancer and early detection
* Information and support to breast cancer survivors and their families
* Mammograms for the uninsured or underinsured
* Transportation and treatment support for survivors

In addition, 25% of their revenue is combined with Komen Affiliates nationwide, making Komen the largest private funder of breast cancer research in the world! Komen funding has touched every medical advancement related to breast cancer to date!

Did you know that Susan G. Komen for the Cure® provided more than 6,500 screening mammograms for uninsured women in Oregon and SW Washington in 2009? You probably don't know that almost 60,000 additional local women ages 40-64 are uninsured or underinsured and go without life saving breast cancer screenings every year due to lack of funding. That is why fundraising is more important than ever.


Now, I realize I may have a different clock than my mom did. But maybe I don't. There's no way to know, which is why I get in this little funk every now and then, especially as I get older. According to her clock, I have two years and seven months til diagnosis. According to her clock, I have four years and 10 months until I'm dead. That's sobering to even consider as a possibility.

So, back to the fundraising. I hate fundraising, possibly even more than running, but research, free screenings, and education don't happen without money ... which means I'm fundraising.

Komen, when you register for the race, suggests setting a fundraising goal of $100, which is a little intimidating to me. However, I'm tripling that and setting a goal of $300, which is completely overwhelming. That's $100 for each of my kids, the three kids I want to finish raising. Or maybe the three kids my mom didn't get to finish raising.

If you'd like to be a financial supporter of my walk, then head on over to my race page and click the "donate on behalf of Bethany" button. And if you're due for a mammogram, then go schedule it.

LINKS I LIKE #6

I haven't done one of these posts in a super, duper long time!

Stuff Christians Like - Jon did a great post recently on pursuing the things that interest or matter to you, rather than talking or thinking about pursuing them. I know there are some areas I should do less thinking and more acting. I'm sure you have some too.

Coupon Cravings - This is a handy article on ways to get cash for your unused or outdated electronic gadgets.

From Mourning to Dancing - Monica is a friend who used her own illness as inspiration for this very practical post about how to help a friend battling cancer. It includes lots of helpful things and tells you the things to avoid. Read it even if you don't currently have a friend with cancer, as odds are that you will at some point.

Transformed From Glory to Glory - My friend Summer has done a couple posts this month that are fantastic for parents. Actually, they're good for anyone who may be a parent someday. The first one is an encouraging reminder that we need to be patient in waiting for the results of our parenting efforts, realizing that some things will take more time than others and that no two kids will need the exact same parenting from us.

This morning she had another great post about the phrase "kids will be kids". I was just talking to a friend over the weekend about the same idea. It frustrates and perplexes me when parents think inappropriate behavior, even if done out of childish curiosity or ignorance and not rebellion or spite, is funny or cute. Sometimes I just want to shake parents and say "This is not cute and it's certainly not going to be cute five years from now, so buck up and do the hard work of parenting your fit throwing, mischievious, disrespectful, or whining child!"

I hold no judgement toward a parent or child simply because those behaviors occur, as that's part of humanity. It happens in our family, just like everyone else's. What concerns me is parents who do nothing about it. Or snap pictures to laugh over. Or use that sticky sweet voice to state the behavior "wasn't very nice", yet give no consequences. Or reward the poor behavior through bribery or with giving in to the child's demands. Or let the child merrily go on their way while the parent deals with the aftermath of the child's behavior.

I agree that kids will be kids. Similiarly, I agree that boys will be boys and girls will be girls. However, I think it would be fantastic if parents would be parents. Age and gender can explain particular behaviors, but that doesn't mean they excuse them.

Wow, that was a tangent. Didn't mean to go off on that, but it seriously drives me batty in the present and truly concerns me for the future.

Making Home - Jess looks at the "other" Proverbs woman, challenging women to examine the way they speak, think, and interact with others.

Centsational Girl - Lisa directed me toward this blog and it's super cool. I'm not artistic at all and this woman's taste is a little more formal and fancy than what I'm drawn to, but her ability to transform trash into treasures and re-purpose items, while doing it for pennies on the dollar, is awesome. Lots of ideas for sprucing up your home can be here!!

All righty, we'll call that a wrap. Hope you find something in all those links that you like.

LINKS I LIKE #4

Just want to share some great sites with you.

Frugal Living - My friend Sarah pointed me in the direction of this site. It's similar to Money Saving Mom and My Penny Pile (both linked in my sidebar), but it's specific to the Portland area. The way this woman shops at Safeway blows my mind. I still love WinCo, but I think I'm going to have to try and do some of the things she does at Safeway. Amazing!

Susan G. Komen For The Cure Scholarship - I don't even know if this scholarship existed when I was in college, but I sure could have used it!! It's designed to help people who struggle to pay for college because of the death of a parent from breast cancer. They give seven scholarships each year, up to $10,000 each to students up to age 25. Check out the link for more details. The deadline for applying for the 2009-2010 school year is only a few days away, so if you know someone who could use this scholarship next school year then pass this link to them. Otherwise, tuck it away for future reference. It could be a silver lining in someone's huge rain cloud.

Love Lasts A Lifetime - Remember Kelly? She's the one who made dishcloths for me and has lots of great recipes. Well, she started a marriage blog at the beginning of the year and it's great. She and Doug have been married almost twenty years and though their marriage is strong now, they've gone through some major struggles. I love getting encouraged by people who have made it through hard times themselves! She writes most of the posts, but Doug pops in occasionally too. I think all his posts are labeled "the happy husband" on her sidebar. Check out her site for book discussions (she's currently going through Sheet Music by Kevin Leman, which is an excellent book by one of my favorite authors), weekly challenges, bedroom ideas, ideas for romancing your husband and more.

Swagbucks - Do all your internet searches through this site and earn prizes. Seriously, it's that simple. I just cashed in some points for an Amazon gift card.

A LITTLE CHEERIER THAN THE LAST POST

I realize the post below this is a bit of a downer, so I'll share two related things that are more upbeat.

First, my dad has a great blog today. Much more positive than mine.

Second, I'll share a poem I cut out of a magazine several years ago.

CANCER IS SO LIMITED
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.

I HATE CANCER

Today is the 17th anniversary of my mom's death. Last year, on the 16th anniversary and in my pre-blogging days, I wrote some things on the Sonlight forums that her death taught me. I eventually shared them here in my first blog post.

Well, this year I don't feel like seeing the positive spin. I hate cancer. I hate that my mom had to suffer through the disease. That my kids, nieces, and nephews will never meet her. That Tim, Josh, Tracy, and Char never met her. That she never saw her kids graduate, marry, or have careers.

I hate that I have reached a point in my life where I feel like I'm racing against her clock. She was 36 when she was diagnosed and almost 39 when she died. I'm 32. Her three kids were 13, 11, and 8 when she was diagnosed and 15, 13, and 10 when she died. My three kids are 6, 4, and 1 (I started having kids three years older than she did). She died in her 30s and I have to get annual mammograms in my 30s.

In my mind, I have four good years left. Logically, I know that's not necessarily going to be the case, but that's where my mind goes. Joining the "dead mom" club as a kid skews your reality.

In my mind, I don't expect to grow old with Tim. I expect one of us to die prematurely. Logically, I know that's not necessarily going to be the case, but that's where my mind goes. Seeing your dad widowed when you're a kid skews your reality.

In my mind, I question whether to adopt a child that could end up suffering the death of a parent just a few years later. Logically, I know that's not necessarily going to be the case, but that's where my mind goes. Seeing your mom and the parents of several other kids in your community die within a year skews your reality.

The worst fear of many moms is having their children die. That's normal. My worst fear is dying before my kids are raised.