1/4/25 - WORTH REPEATING

*****

The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate action of its members.

~ Coretta Scott King 1440 Daily Digest, 4/27/24 edition

*****

You only learn from people who have different ideas than you. And if you just seek a constant stream of confirmation about what you already believe, about what you already think you know, you are not stretching yourself. You are not learning. It's like going to the gym and lifting weights that you know you can already lift. You're never going to get stronger. You're never going to get in better shape. You're never going to get more fit. You're just going to become this echo chamber of opinions that don't go anywhere. ~ John Delony // Navigating Political Discourse & Engaging Different Worldviews // The Dr. John Delony Show

*****

Time doesn't heal all wounds. It's what we plant in the soil of time that determines whether we are headed toward healing or toward bitterness.

~ Lysa TerKeurst // How Can I Trust God When I Don't Understand What He Allows? // Therapy & Theology

*****

Ask yourself about the kind of life you want: What would you do day to day, and with whom, and where? Consider the life you have. Do one thing today, however small, to close the gap between the two.

~ Dame Maggie Smith //  1440 Daily Digest, 12/28/24 edition

*****

Bad things are always happening loudly: the injury, the flat tire, the mistake that gets you criticized. Everybody talks about the moments that make things a hassle.

Good things are always happening quietly: the completed workout, the healthy meal, the ten minutes of writing. Nobody talks about the little moments that add up.

What good things have you done quietly today?

~ James Clear // 3-2-1 Thursday, 1/2/25 edition

*****

BOOKS I FINISHED - JUNE 2024

The Berry Pickers, written by Amanda Peters

Alternating between two narrators, this novel is about a woman who grew up in Maine and a man who grew up in Nova Scotia. She was the only child in a white family that chose to distance themselves from most people and he was one of five kids in an indigenous family where a daughter went missing. It's a story of loss, guilt, fear, and confusion, as well one of hope, love, and varying degrees of reconciliation. It's not on my TBR list and I have no idea where I heard about it, but I enjoyed it. 

p. 144, Some wounds cannot be healed. Some wounds never close, never scar. But the further away from the injury, the easier it became to smile. 

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are, written by Lysa TerKeurst with Jim Cress

I've read three of TerKeurst's books and found each of them helpful. This particular book teaches what the Bible says about setting healthy boundaries in relationships and is written from a place of compassionate humility. Sharing from her own experiences, she writes about things like enabling unhealthy behavior, the impact of broken trust, taking responsibility for our own behavior, and accepting reality instead of trying to change it. The book also includes a brief word from her personal counselor at the end of each chapter. Whether the reader's relationship challenges are within their home, with extended family, in friendship, or at work, they'll find the book relatable, practical, and encouraging.

p. xvi, But we can't enable bad behavior in ourselves and others and call it love. We can't tolerate destructive patterns and call it love. And we can't pride ourselves on being loyal and longsuffering in our relationships when it's really perpetuating violations of what God says love is. 

p. 1, You cannot build trust that keeps getting broken. 

p. 18, What we are looking for are patterns of hurtful and harmful behavior. A hurtful statement can be called a mistake. But a repeated pattern of hurtful statements or uncaring attitudes or even unjust expectations is much more than a mistake. These patterns are misuses of the purposes of a relationship. Why is this so crucial to understand? Because unchecked misuse of a relationship can quickly turn into abuse in a relationship. 

p. 20, Like God, we must require from people the responsibility necessary to grant the amount of access we allow them to have in our lives. Too much access without the correct responsibility is detrimental.

p. 21, Setting a boundary is being responsible enough to reduce the access we grant to others based on their ability to be responsible with that access. People who are irresponsible with our hearts should not be granted great access to our hearts. 

p. 45, God had grace but His grace was there to lead people to better behavior, not to enable bad behavior. And the same should be true of our grace as well.

p. 49, Loosening my boundaries and enabling them to hurt the relationship and harm me isn't helping them. I am not honoring Jesus when I give permission for the other person to act in ways that Jesus never would.

p. 67, The person who continues to break your heart isn't in a place to properly care for your heart.

p. 88, As I've said before, health cannot bond with unhealth. A refusal to grow and mature emotionally is a big indication of unhealth.

p. 129, We can't control what others believe. We can't control what others feel. We can't control what others do. But we can control and be responsible for ourselves. As we've discussed before, boundaries aren't meant to control another person. Boundaries make it possible for us to hold ourselves together. 

p. 149, Remember, Jesus did so many amazing and sacrificial acts of love for others. He fed people, washed their feet, taught them, comforted them, and modeled a different way to act and think. But He didn't do it so people would fill a need in him. He served from a place of fullness, not for a feeling of fullness.  

p. 151, If we aren't convinced of how much a boundary will help us, we will be too afraid of what the boundary will cost us.

p. 152, Healthy relationships don't feel threatening. Loving relationships don't feel cruel. Secure relationships don't feel as if everything could implode if you dared to draw a boundary.

p. 196, It's so hard to recognize what is when you've been persistently trying to get someone to step into what could be.

p. 197, Grief made me realize that my sadness wasn't because I was wanting dead things to come back to life. I kept crying because my basic desires had never been given life in the first place.

p. 212, The greatest source of my suffering was my refusal to accept what I could not change.

p. 226, Remember, God does tell us to forgive, but reconciliation is dependent on someone's willingness to not continue doing harm to us.

I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working, written by Shauna Niequist

While I can't always relate to her specific experiences and may not land on the same page with all her opinions, I really love Niequist's writing voice and relate to many of the feelings she's had. She's a gifted writer and this book, written as a collection of short essays, is about discovering that the unexpected places we find ourselves in, while challenging in many ways, can be valuable, beautiful, and meaningful in just as many ways.

p. 58, When you don't know how to help yourself, help someone else. Loss or pain or suffering can turn you inward. It's all-consuming sometimes. But it's so helpful sometimes to show up, even in small ways, for someone else. Serve someone. Help someone. Give something to someone, and the doing so will remind you that the world is still turning beyond your loss. It is, even when it seems like it can't be.

p. 81, One of the central jobs of a parent is to hold anything too heavy or hard for their child, and also, that's just exactly what God does for his children, for us. Prayer is grabbing those worries in our fists and throwing them to someone who can hold them for us while we rest.

p. 161, It's never, ever too late to grow.

p. 176, We only heal by investing in the difficult and ugly work, even if it isn't pretty, even if it looks like a mess for a while. 

p. 181, Maybe what makes a day good or valuable or worthwhile is not what you accomplished, what work you did or thing you fixed or task you checked off a list. Maybe there are other metrics - pleasure, connection, caring for someone, learning something new, experiencing delight.

p. 200, When Aaron and I were dating, he asked a friend whose marriage he admired, "How do you know if the person you're dating is the person you should marry?"

His friend said, "Is she a grower? Is she a person who's willing to learn, willing to listen, willing to get it wrong but make it right? That's what a marriage takes. Marry someone who can and will grow."

< snip >

All these years later, I can see with greater and greater clarity how wise that friend's words were: marriage is about a lot of things, but one of the most central is a deep willingness to grow together - toward one another and for one another. 

The Keeper of Stories, written by Sally Page and narrated by Jessica Whittaker

A woman who's decades into an unhealthy marriage, takes her job seriously even though it's looked down upon, and is carrying a secret. Another woman who's cantankerous on the outside, has compassion for those she cares about, and is an expert at discovering secrets. Stories within stories, each a bit more evidence that there's always so much more to a person than meets the eye. Randomly chosen because it was available immediately, this novel is a reminder that honesty and kindness are important parts of all relationships.

Outcasts United: An American Town, a Refugee Team, and One Woman's Quest to Make a Difference, written by Warren St. John

I love books about cross-cultural experiences and underdogs beating the odds, especially when they're about real people. This story is about a Jordanian immigrant woman living in a small Georgia town, the soccer teams she coached that were comprised of boys who fled a wide variety of countries as refugees, and a community that wasn't particularly welcoming of diverse newcomers. This book went on my TBR list back in March of last year when I heard about it at a library event and I really enjoyed it.

p. 299, (quoting Tracy Ediger) "I need to look around myself and see my neighborhood, and what is going on here and five streets over, and what I can do in terms of investing myself and my time, to be present for the people around me, and to do something positive for change in my community."

A Place to Hang the Moon, written by Kate Albus and narrated by Polly Lee

This middle grade novel's about three orphaned siblings who join a mass evacuation from London during WWII in the hopes of finding a permanent home. It's a fairly predictable story with challenging circumstances, multiple sweet relationships, wartime concerns, and characters who love books. I learned about this novel from a list of audiobooks on Everyday Reading and enjoyed it.

59:34, The first words of a new book are so delicious - like the first taste of a cookie fresh from the oven and not yet properly cooled. 

Rabbit Cake, written by Annie Hartnett and narrated by Katie Schorr

This novel about grief and family dynamics has a twelve year old protagonist, a girl who remembers lots of facts, tries hard to protect her family at all costs, and wants to know all the details surrounding her mom's death. While there was an aspect of the story I didn't like (not saying what it was because it would involve spoilers), I loved the main character. I heard about this book on What Should I Read Next?, episode 147 - Ruining your childhood one book at a time, when I listened to it back in October.

Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better, written by Brant Hansen

I've only heard super positive feedback about this book over the years and now I know why. It's great. A quick read that's biblically-based, practical, and humorous, it's a call for Christians to be the least offendable people on the planet. 

p. 8, Anger does not enhance judgment.

p. 59, Remember: Anger and rest are always at odds. You can't have both at once.

p. 156, Rules are wonderful. As I said in chapter 2, I'm a rules guy. Rules bring wisdom into our lives. They help us live better. They spare us from pain.

But rules don't change anyone's heart, ever.

Grace does.

p. 184, Timothy Keller uses the idea of favoring an inflamed joint to make a great point: this is precisely how the human ego works. It "hurts" when it's inflamed. Sure, it's always there - everyone's got an ego - but when it's oversized, it's constantly being injured or threatened. When it's "all about me," I'm constantly aware of myself, bracing myself for ego injury.

Real humility isn't about putting yourself down or pretending your performance is substandard at everything you try. Real humility lies in self-forgetfulness.

Few want to hear this, but it's true, and it can be enormously helpful in life: if you're constantly being hurt, offended, or angered, you should honestly evaluate your inflamed ego. 

p. 194, Self-forgetfulness is not about mystically wishing myself into nonexistence or pretending I'm meaningless. It's just the opposite. Self-forgetfulness is what happens when we're emotionally healthy. It's remembering that God is my defender, His opinion is what matters, and whatever my offenders are doing to me, I've done to others as well. And God has forgiven me. I simply must forgive in return and forfeit my right to anger.

Where the Red Fern Grows, written by Wilson Rawls and narrated by Anthony Heald

I don't remember if I read this book or watched the movie as a kid, but all I knew as an adult was that it involved a boy and his dogs and had a sad ending. I've been listening to a lot of kids' audiobooks lately and decided to acquaint (or maybe reacquaint) myself with this story. I appreciate the value it places on setting goals, working hard, and behaving honorably as the reader learns about a boy who desperately wants two hunting dogs of his own. It's a sweet story of childhood dreams, lessons learned through growing up, and the love of family. 

BOOKS I FINISHED - APRIL 2024

The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships, written by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

This book does an excellent job of describing different ways of apologizing, explaining why they matter to different people, and giving lots of real life examples of both successful and failed apologies. It also spends time on the topic of forgiveness, as the two things are closely related. The book is faith-based and includes lots of Bible references for those with the same belief system, specifically in the area of forgiveness, but those who don't share the beliefs would find the chapters on apology styles to be very practical and non-preachy.

p. 21, Apology is birthed in the womb of regret.

p. 34, Mature adults learn how to break the harmful patterns of childhood and accept responsibility for their own failures, but immature adults are forever rationalizing their own bad behavior. 

p. 37, And I tried to help him see the difference between understanding why we do what we do and accepting what we do.

p. 38, I agree that I have a right to feel hurt, angry, disappointed, and frustrated or whatever else I may be feeling. I don't choose my feelings; I simply experience them. On the other hand, I disagree with the idea that because of my feelings, I have the right to hurt someone else with my words or behavior. 

p. 83, When an offense occurs, immediately it creates an emotional barrier between two people. Until that barrier is removed, the relationship cannot go forward. An apology is an attempt to remove the barrier. 

p. 84, Eventually Martin realized that the healthy individual is the one who recognizes his/her personality traits, accepts them as being the normal pattern of operation, but refuses to be controlled by these personality traits when they are obviously dysfunctional to a relationship.

p. 85, Mature people recognize their fears but refuse to be held captive by their fears. When they value a relationship, they are willing to go against their fears and take the steps necessary to bring healing to the relationship.

p. 88, Forgiveness is essentially a choice to life the penalty and to let the person back into our lives. It is to pardon the offense so that we might redevelop trust.

p. 88, Please understand that when you request to be forgiven, you are making a huge request. It will be costly to the person you have offended. When they forgive you, they must give up their desire for justice. They must relinquish their hurt and anger, their feeling of embarrassment or humiliation. They must give up their feelings of rejection and betrayal. Sometimes, they must live with the consequences of your wrong behavior.

p. 130, Holding someone accountable for negative behavior is an act of love.

p. 131, Forgiveness and trust are not to be equated. Because forgiveness is a decision, it can be extended immediately when one perceives he has heard a sincere apology. However, trust is not a decision - it is rather an emotion. Trust is that gut-level confidence that you will do what you say you will do.

p. 132, So how do we rebuild trust in a relationship when it has been violated? The answer is by being trustworthy one day at a time.

p. 133, If you continue to be untrustworthy by lying, cheating, hiding, and making excuses, trust will never be reborn. Trust's only hope of survival is in the rain and sunshine of integrity.

p. 133, In summary, forgiveness is a choice to lift the penalty and allow the person back into your life so that the relationship can continue to grow. Trust, on the other hand, returns in stages.

p. 134, It is one of the fundamental realities in life: When we commit actions or speak words that are detrimental to another, the consequences of those actions and words are never fully removed, even with genuine forgiveness.

p. 134, Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment to accept the person in spite of what he or she has done. It is a decision not to demand justice but to show mercy.

Dear God: Honest Prayers to a God Who Listens, written by Bunmi Laditan

My first exposure to Laditan many years ago had nothing at all to do with faith. In fact, her religious beliefs were different at the time. I've followed her ever since because she's funny, transparent, and relatable. This book made me chuckle several times, made me teary twice, and puts into beautiful words the hard things we've all felt at one point or another in both life and faith. I read it in one sitting, but am going to read it more slowly a second time before returning it to the library.

The Extraordinary Deaths of Mrs. Kip, written by Sara Brunsvold

A younger woman who's focused on her career, an older woman who's dying, and the friendship that develops when the former is tasked with writing the latter's obituary. A story of love that's rooted in faith, with an unexpected plot line about refugees, which is meaningful to me.

p. 46, A pained body with a broken spirit tends to recoil when the hand of grace first finds its wounds.

p. 61, "Ambition is a two-edged sword. Use it wisely, you become a trailblazer. Use it foolishly, you become a chump."

p. 180, "I have never seen the vast smallness of American minds until I've attempted to get the to wrap around the concept of hospitality to outsiders."

p. 193, "You need the Lord more than anything, but in his benevolence he often shows up in the form of friends."

p. 198, "I simply tried to love people as best I could for as long as I was privileged to be with them. We don't stay long in each other's lives - that's the crux of our humanness. You have to be the friend people need while they are there with you, because it's the only chance you'll get."

p. 206, "You were saying people sometimes need a little coaxing toward compassion," she said. "What did you mean by that?

"I mean that sometimes you have to find the tender spot in someone's heart. What would motivate them into action? What commonality do they have with the person in need of help. I searched for those tender spots, then used them to coax the people to compassion."

p. 212, "Authentic love is the greatest joy there is, Miss Kelley, but it requires a thousand little deaths to self."

p. 217, For the rest of the morning, the dual-culture crew worked to set up the little white house in the middle of the block in the middle of the city in the middle of the country. Safe for that one goal and their shared humanness, they had virtually nothing in common. 

Somehow it didn't matter.

It never did.

p. 227, The sower's job was to sow, trusting her success would be measured by how few seeds remained in her hand.

Invisible Wonders: Photographs of the Hidden World, written and compiled by Anand Varma

I don't remember where I heard about this book, but I put it on hold at the library before its publication date because I knew I'd like it. Whether you're interested in photography, nature, or science, or, like me, simply love looking at fascinating pictures, you'll enjoy over 350 pages of incredible sights. Mostly captioned photos, the book also has some text and interviews with a few photographers. 

The Last Devil to Die, written by Richard Osman 

The fourth book in the Thursday Murder Club series, this story had all the criminal activity that's to be expected, but it also dealt a lot with an important secondary character with dementia. As always, I appreciate the friendship of the four main characters in these books.

p. 134, "I need you to talk less. I have a low boredom threshold. I was born with it, the doctors can't do nothing."

p. 248, Love can mean so many different things, can't it? And just because it's precious doesn't mean it can't be tough.

On the Horizon: World War II Reflections, written by Lois Lowry and illustrated by Kenard Pak

Written in verse, Lowry invites the reader to meet real people who were at Pearl Harbor and Hiroshima when each were attacked. It's a middle grade book that deals with the horror of war, the experience of grief, and the resilience of people who have been traumatized. She also draws heavily from her own connections to both places, at one point revealing a personal tie to an author whose picture books I enjoy.

Remarkably Bright Creatures, written by Shelby Van Pelt and narrated by Marin Ireland and Michael Urie

I tend to avoid books with a lot of hype because then my expectations are too high, which is why I ignored this one for a long time. Plus is has an octopus as a main character, which doesn't appeal to me at all. Finally, after realizing I'd never heard anyone say they didn't like it, I decided to listen to it. People in different age brackets, individual stories that begin to overlap as the book progresses, messy lives, and personal growth. And an octopus. I loved it. I'm not sure if I'd have enjoyed it as much in print, so I'm glad I opted for the audio version.

9:47:20, "You can't fix someone who's determined to stay broken."

The Unsung Hero of Birdsong, USA, written by Brenda Woods

This middle grade novel is about a black American soldier who's recently returned from war, a twelve year old white boy whose life is saved by the soldier, and how the friendship they developed in 1946 impacted both of their lives. 

p. 95, "Whenever possible, you gotta try to see the goings-on of life through more eyes than just your own, because that can help you see things more clearly. Sometimes it'll even let you see things the way they really are and give you peace of mind."

p. 100, "Resistin' temptation builds strength. We fail when we give in to it."

p. 149, "Recipe for friendship is liking and trust. Respect gets mixed up in there too."

What You Are Looking For Is In The Library, written by Michiko Aoyama and translated from Japanese by Alison Watts

A friend recently mentioned this book to me, even though she hadn't read it yet. I immediately put it on hold at the library and loved every page. Each chapter focuses on one person and how the local librarian always recommends exactly what they're looking for, as well as what they don't yet realize they need. Simultaneously light and wise, this novel's filled with evidence of how significant life transitions, personal growth, community connections, libraries, and books are. Bonus points for all the meaningful books recommended in the story being listed at the end for easy reference.

p. 23, Library. What a nice-sounding word. So comforting.

p. 42, "In a world where you don't know what will happen next, I just do what I can right now."

p. 161, "The merry-go-round?"

With a chuckle she smiled at me. "It's a very common condition," she said with apparent relish. "Singles are envious of those who are married, and married couples envy those with children, but people with children are envious of singles. It's an endless merry-go-round. But isn't that funny? That each person should be chasing the tail of the person in front of them, when no one is coming first or last. In other words, when it comes to happiness nothing is better or worse - there is no definitive state."

p. 165, If I put myself at the center of everything, does that mean I always see myself as a victim? And why I always end up wondering why can't people do things that work for me?

p. 249, "What you have to understand about women is that they can reach a certain point when all of a sudden every little thing that's ever irritated them becomes too much to bear anymore, just like that."

p. 299, Until now I have always thought of things in terms of whether or not they could be useful to me in some way. But that may have become my stumbling block. Now I know the importance of the heart being moved, I have a list of things I want to try.

Words in the Dust, written by Trent Reedy and narrated by Ariana Delawari

An Afghan girl with a cleft palate, harsh stepmom, and strong desire to be educated. Afghan culture, American military, family dynamics, and dreams of the future. This middle grade novel is filled with hard topics and different perspectives, but is handled with tact and respect. Don't skip the interviews at the end of the audio version. 

4/28/24 - WORTH REPEATING

*****

The wiser you get, the more experience you have, and the more you see people for who they are as human beings, as opposed to figures you have to fight against.

~ Vanessa Williams // 1440 Daily Digest, 3/18/23 edition

*****

Privacy is withholding information for the sake of healing. Secrecy is withholding information for the sake of hiding so that bad behavior can continue.

~ Lysa Terkeurst // How Do I Talk Divorce With My Kids? // Therapy and Theology

*****

I think stories are empathy engines. They create these bridges between us.

~ R. Eric Thomas // Insightful and Entertaining Memoirs // What Should I Read Next?

*****

We become not a melting pot but a beautiful mosaic. Different people, different beliefs, different hopes, different dreams.

~ Jimmy Carter // America the Beautiful: Together We Stand, written by Katharine Lee Bates, illustrated by Bryan Collier, Raul Colon, Diane Goode, Mary Grandpre, John Hendrix, Yuyi Morales, Jon J. Muth, LeUyen Pham, Sonia Lynn Sadler, and Christ Soentpiet, and compiled by Orchard Books

*****

A fact is information minus emotion. An opinion is information plus experience. Ignorance is an opinion lacking information. Stupidity is an opinion that ignores a fact. 

~ unknown

*****

BOOKS I FINISHED - MARCH 2024

 

Black Like Me, written by John Howard Griffin

This is the fascinating, heart-breaking, and thought-provoking story of a white man who, in 1959, changed his skin color and lived for six weeks as a black man in multiple southern states. It's about the surface issues and deeper problems of racism, hope and despair, and the inevitability of every single person to have biases and wrong beliefs. It's about humanity. 

p. 91, "You place the white man in the ghetto, deprive him of educational advantages, arrange it so he has to struggle hard to fulfill his instinct for self-respect, give him little physical privacy and less leisure, and he would after a time assume the same characteristics you attach to the Negro. These characteristics don't spring from whiteness or blackness, but from a man's conditioning."

p. 114, No one, not even a saint, can live without a sense of personal value. The white racist has masterfully defrauded the Negro of this sense. It is the least obvious but most heinous of all race crimes, for it kills the spirit and the will to live.

p. 160, I, too, say let us be peaceful; but the only way to do this is first to assure justice. By keeping "peaceful" in this instance, we end up consenting to the destruction of all peace - for so long as we condone injustice by a small but powerful group, we condone the destruction of all social stability, all real peace, all trust in man's good intentions toward his fellow man.

p. 171, We were advocating only that this country live up to its promises to all citizens. But since racism always hides under a respectable guise - usually the guise of patriotism and religion - a great many people loathed us for knocking holes in these respectable guises. 

The Bullet That Missed, written by Richard Osman

This third book in the Thursday Murder Club series was just as enjoyable as the first two. Four residents of the same retirement community, as well as some other characters from earlier books in the series, work together to solve a ten year-old crime. A multi-layered story and likeable characters both familiar and new, this series is as much about friendship as it is about solving mysteries. That's probably why I enjoy it so much.

p. 63, But the real memories are never the ones that make the highlights real. < snip > Not roller coasters, not skyscrapers, just the accumulation of small moments that turn acquaintance into friendship.

Children of the Jacaranda Tree, written by Sahar Delijani

This novel, written by an author who was born an Iranian prison and inspired by her family's story, is a beautifully written testament to the strength and suffering of those who have experienced horrific things. I loved this story about activism, family, grief, brutality, love, pain, and beauty, and how the past always impacts the present.

p. 205, When it comes to grief, time is nothing but a failed attempt at forgetting.

Daybreak 2000: Earth's Natural Beauty Captured at the Dawn of a New Age, compiled by Roger Tefft

This project involved nature photographers all over the world taking pictures on 1/1/2000 and their work is presented in longitudinal order, moving west from the International Date Line. Each photo includes a brief description of the setting, map of the location, longitudinal position, time of day the photo was taken, photographer's name, and information about the camera and film used.

Ink Knows No Borders: Poems of the Immigrant and Refugee Experience, edited by Patrice Vecchione and Alyssa Raymond with foreword by Javier Zamora and afterword by Emtithal Mahmoud

Sixty-four poets, whose brief biographies are found after all the poems, put to words what they've lived through as immigrants and refugees. I don't remember how I discovered this book, but I'm glad I did. 

The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs, written by Laura Tremaine

I heard Tremaine talk about this book on some podcasts several months ago and finally got around to reading it. I appreciate her candor in sharing her own experiences as she helps the reader identify different types of friends and to see the value in each kind. Whether evaluating the friends they've had over the years or considering what kind of friend they are to others, this book encourages the reader to make friendship a priority.

p. 158, I understand that it's tricky to balance the effort of putting yourself out there with the directive to hold it all loosely, but it's possible to do both. In fact, that practice is about more than just friendships in your life. You can strangle anything to death if you hold it too tightly: your career, your marriage, your art, your relationships. 

p. 169, I've seen how easy it is to stay in one's bubble, and I actively resist that.

p. 178, The work of being a good friend changes over the course of your life and in different relationships but the basics remain the same: consistently show you care, aim for good communication, and most of all, be the friend to others that you want for yourself. 

Life in Five Sense: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World, written by Gretchen Rubin

Making the decision to intentionally focus on her five primary senses, Rubin discovered how much of her life she'd been missing, the joy she found through paying attention to sensory input, and the value of self-awareness and connection with others that came from prioritizing sensory experiences. This book is a challenge to both pay attention to our senses in common situations that we've become desensitized to and to seek out new opportunities to engage our senses.

p. 18, Research shows that happier people are interested in the problems of others and the problems of the world. They volunteer more time, donate more money, are more likely to vote, and are more likely to help others.

p. 84, As I listened to this exchange, suddenly realized that the word listen was just a rearrangement of the word silent - remarkably apt. 

p. 155, Sometimes, to keep going, we have to allow ourselves to stop.

p. 181, Although most of us may not consider ourselves superstitious, we're a littlestitious.

The Memory of Old Jack, written by Wendell Berry and narrated by Paul Michael

This novel centers on an elderly man, a lifelong farmer born soon after the Civil War, who spends a day remembering people and events from his past. Along with a deep appreciation for the land, his story is a reminder that poor choices don't keep one from having a meaningful life, honesty and integrity are critical, there's much value in being a hard worker, and relationships with both friends and family are deeply impactful, whether positively or negatively. 

I spent a few hours working in the yard one day and impulsively decided to listen to an audiobook instead of a podcast. The book I first tried was checked out, but this one was available and I started listening. With nearly a whole day to myself, I ended up finishing the whole thing while doing yard work, eating, going on a walk, and working on a puzzle. 

The Sunflower, written by Richard Paul Evans

I needed a light read, a novel where people have messy lives, but the ending is predictable and tidy. This story about a man whose career falls apart, a woman whose wedding gets canceled, and what happens when they meet on another continent fit the bill.

p. 86, There are none so impoverished as those who do not acknowledge the abundance of their lives.

p. 269, We carry around in our heads these pictures of what our lives are supposed to look like, painted by the brush of our intentions. It's the great, deep secret of humanity that in the end none of our lives look the way we thought they would. As much as we wish to believe otherwise, most of life is a reaction to circumstances.

The Year of Magical Thinking, written by Joan Didion

This book is Didion's processing of the sudden death of her husband of forty years in the midst of their daughter's life-threatening medical situation, written in both reflection and real time during her first year of being a widow. She's simultaneously lucid and scattered, self-aware and oblivious, writing a tangible expression of grief's complex layers.

p. 143, Grief was passive. Grief happened. Mourning, the act of dealing with grief, required attention.

3/11/24 - WORTH REPEATING

*****

If you are breathing today, life still holds opportunity.

~ When Life Feels Far from What You Imagined // Joshua Becker // Becoming Minimalist

*****

If you find yourself caught in the relentless pursuit of wealth, take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. Remember that money can buy comfort and convenience, but not happiness or fulfillment. Find your balance and nurture the aspects of life that are truly priceless.

~ I was determined to be rich, but then life showed me why the greatest joys aren’t things you can buy. // Tina Fey // HackSpirit

*****

The pain of being homeless - the endless waiting in welfare offices, the thoughtless dismissal, the terror of the streets, the endlessness of the long, dreary days, especially Sundays. The burdensome struggle to carry everything you own with you, the desperation of loneliness, the fear when the sun goes down, the biting cold of a careless February afternoon. The longing to have just five minutes alone with your kid for just one night, the distant memory of shared moments of joy and peace a long, long time ago. These are all real things that happen to real people.

~ Kip Tiernan, quoted in Sanctuary: Kip Tiernan and Rosie's Place, the Nation's First Shelter for Women // Christine McDonnell and Victoria Tentler-Krylov

*****

We may impress people with our successes. But we connect with people through our weakness.

~ How to Have Meaningful Relationships in an Increasingly Digital World // Joshua Becker // Becoming Minimalist

*****

A pat on the back, though only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, is miles ahead in results. 

~ Bennet Cerf // Winning Words: Quotations to Uplift, Inspire, Motivate and Delight // Allen Klein

*****

BOOKS I FINISHED - FEBRUARY 2024

 

The Elegance of the Hedgehog, written by Muriel Barbery and translated from French by Alison  Anderson

This novel's about an older woman who's low on society's ranks, a young girl who's high on them, and a wealthy man who cares nothing about the ranks. It's about philosophy, literature, art, and beauty. It's a story about trying to hide who you are and of being seen with acceptance, along with a generous dose of snark toward superficial people. I'm still not sure if I liked it or not.

p. 164, At the door stands a courier, chewing on what must be a piece of gum for elephants, given the vigor and range of mandibular activity to which he is compelled.

p. 169, It's really pleasant to listen to him talking, even if you don't care about what he's saying, because he is truly talking to you, he is addressing himself to you. This is the first time I have met someone who cares about me when he is talking: he's not looking for approval or disagreement, he looks at me as if he to say, "Who are you? Do you want to talk to me? How nice it is to be here with you!" That is what I meant by saying he is polite - this attitude that gives the other person the impression of really being there. 

p. 192, And secondly, a teenager who pretends to be an adult is still a teenager. If you imagine that getting high at a party and sleeping around is going to propel you into a state of full adulthood, that's like thinking that dressing up as an Indian is going to make you an Indian. And thirdly, it's a really weird way of looking at life to want to become an adult by imitating everything that is most catastrophic about adulthood ...  < snip > Lastly, teenagers think they're adults when in fact they're imitating adults who never really made it into adulthood and who are running away from life. It's pathetic.

p. 233, Just as teardrops, when they are large and round and compassionate, can leave a long strand washed clean of discord, the summer rain as it washes away the motionless dust can bring to a person's soul something like endless breathing. 

p. 242, (N)othing is more despicable than a rich man's scorn for a poor man's longing.

p. 252, What is the purpose of intelligence if it is not to serve others? 

Know My Name, written by Chanel Miller

For those unfamiliar with the author's name, she was previously known as Emily Doe, an anonymous woman who was sexually assaulted on the Stanford campus in 2015 and whose abuser served three months in jail for his crime. This well-written book about that night and all the layers of its aftermath is equal parts disturbing, inspiring, and powerful. Statistics vary by source, but it's estimated that a minimum of 1in 6 American women have been sexually assaulted, which means that this book is important for people to read.

p. 44, But resilience required rest.

p. 47, They seemed angry that I'd made myself vulnerable, more than the fact that he'd acted on my vulnerability.

p. 78, I was teaching myself to ask for help, and in return beautiful things were happening.

p. 152, I thought of mothers who had commented, My daughters would never ... which made me sad because comments like that did not make her daughter any safer, just ensured that if the daughter was raped, she'd likely have one less person to go to. 

p. 194, During the trial, the jury was forced to pick; is he wholesome or monstrous. But I never questioned that any of what they said about him was true. In fact, I need you to know it was all true. The friendly guy who helps you move and assists senior citizens in the pool is the same guy who assaulted me. One person can be capable of both.

p. 222, Kicking and screaming is not a sign you have lost your mind. It's a sign that you have stepped onto your own side. You are learning, finally, how to fight back. 

p. 288, When society questions a victim's reluctance to report, I will be here to remind you that you ask us to sacrifice our sanity to fight outdated structures that were designed to keep us down. < snip > This is not about victim's lack of effort. This is about society's failure to have systems in place in which victims feel there's a probable chance of achieving safety, justice, and restoration rather than being retraumatized, publicly shamed, psychologically tormented, and verbally mauled. The real question we need to be asking is not, Why didn't she report, the question is, why would you?

p. 312, Victims exist in a society that tells us our purpose is to be an inspiring story. But sometimes the best we can do is tell you we're still here, and that should be enough. Denying darkness doesn't not bring anyone closer to the light. 

p. 325, Awful feelings may remain the same, but my capacity to handle them has grown.

p. 326, I used to shrink at harsh tones, used to be afraid. Until I learned it takes nothing to be hostile. Nothing. It is easy to be the one yelling, chucking words that burn like coals, neon red, meant to harm. I have learned I am water. The coals sizzle, extinguishing when they reach me. I see now, those fiery coals are just black stones, sinking to the bottom.

p. 328, Never fight to injure, fight to uplift.

The Little Book of Prayers: A Collection of Prayers From Around the World and Across Time, edited by David Schiller

The prayers in this book are from multiple countries and an assortment of faith traditions.

p. 183, Grant me to recognize in other men, Lord God, the radiance of your own face. ~ Teilhard de Chardin  

p. 184, If I spent enough time with the tiniest creature - even a caterpillar - I would never have to prepare a sermon. So full of God is every creature. ~ Meister Eckhart  

p. 244,  As my head rests on my pillow Let my soul rest in your mercy. As my limbs relax on my mattress, Let my soul relax in your peace. As my body finds warmth beneath the blankets, Let my soul find warmth in your love. As my mind is filled with dreams, Let my soul be filled with visions of heaven. ~ Johann Freylinghausen 

p. 273, From the cowardice that dare not face new truth, From the laziness that is contented with half truth, From the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth, Good Lord, deliver me. ~ Kenyan Prayer

p. 276, All that we ought to have thought and have not thought, All that we ought to have said, and have not said, All that we ought to have done, and have not done; All that we ought not to have thought, and yet have thought, All that we ought not to have spoken, and yet have spoken, that we ought not to have done, and yet have done; for thoughts, words and works, pray we, O God, for forgiveness. ~ Persian Prayer

p. 310, My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think that I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this, You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone. ~ Thomas Merton 

 

The Mystery Guest, written by Nita Prose

This sequel to The Maid brings back a main character who's learned to stand up for herself since the first book, alternates between a current murder mystery and a relevant back story, and reminds the reader that, for better or worse, there's always more to people than what we can see.

p. 40, "My gran used to say, 'Don't jump to conclusions, lest you trip and fall," I tell her.

p. 120, Sitting at our table, legs dangling, I come to an important realization - that education is not something that happens exclusively in classrooms, that education is a state of mind. 

A Place to Belong: Celebrating Diversity and Kinship in the Home and Beyond, written by Amber O'Neal Johnston with foreword by Julie Bogart

This book was a little different than I expected, and it was excellent. Written from a place of humility, respect for others, and personal experience, it's a clear, kind, and thought-provoking guide to creating home environments where the people around us are seen and valued for both their similarities and their differences. It was unintentionally the second book I've read within the last few weeks that recognizes the importance of belonging, whether in our homes, small groups, or larger communities.

p. 18, What I learned is that, given the opportunity to be themselves in a safe space, people will gladly show you all of who they are. What they'll reveal is that parts of themselves are shaped by the culture(s) with which they most identify, while other vital parts can't be pegged to any of our limited categories. That understanding of nuanced, ambiguous, complex, and fluid diversity is what our children need not only to see but believe, because it will inform how they interact with the people they meet and choose to do life with. 

p. 19, Recognizing a person's or group's value and their right to be treated with dignity, celebrating the beauty found in their culture, and empathetically listening to their experiences while seeking to know them better does not mean that you support all they do. Finding connection is not always the same as standing in agreement.

p. 20, You can't embrace authentic learning and growth with your children when you're leading from fear. You don't have to agree with all the values and beliefs of particular cultural, religious, or social groups to teach your children to recognize the value of their humanity. 

p. 22, The distinction may be lost on some people, but I hope you understand we aren't looking to point out how people are different and demand that our kids love them anyway. We're looking to celebrate the differences amid kinship. We are simply helping our children to see clearly.

p. 23, Success is not that our children don't notice diverse images, people, and experiences. Success is that they see people for who they are, notice their beauty, value their presence, and quickly move on because they expected them to be there all along.

p. 35, Though it can be difficult, exposing our fallible humanness to our kids is a gift because it makes it easier for them to see that there is no expectation or possibility of perfection.

p. 64, Myers challenges us to broaden our assumption that children need mirrors merely for the sake of reflection, suggesting that books integrated into children's worldview aren't merely mirrors, but also become maps. And if we follow his premise of books as maps, what path are our children led down when every road leads to enslavement, strife, prejudice, and poverty?

p. 75, Books are by no means panaceas, but the more children read about the reality of lives lived outside their bubbles, the richer their relationships and experiences will be.

p. 91, When so much of their experience validates their existence and supports the notion that society revolves around them, boys should be able to handle books that weren't written directly about or for them. Their manhood depends on it. If we want men to embrace the voices and ideas of the women who show up in myriad ways in this world, we need to keep the hearts and minds of our boys open from the beginning. They need books that validate the existence and worth of women, and they need parents who do the same. 

p. 171, Home is where we cultivate an appreciation for life's beautiful gifts.

p. 223, Give your family's social and community interactions an honest look. If you find that you've somehow ended up in a place where everyone your kids have an opportunity to do life with looks just like them or never looks like them (equally unhealthy scenarios), consider making some changes. The possibilities are endless and are entirely dependent on each family's circumstances, but we owe it to our children to try our very best to make it happen.

p. 235, Change is ushered in on the backs of people who give selflessly to the cause. Sitting in silent indifference while others do the work that you expect your kids and grandkids to benefit from is an expression of contempt for everyone who can't comfortably just wait things out.

The Tiger Rising, written by Kate DiCamillo and narrated by Dylan Baker

The physical captivity of a tiger and the emotional captivity of multiple characters are the backdrop for this novel that we listened to on a road trip. It's a story of two kids walking through their personal struggles together, a story of hurt, trust, and healing.

Where Lilacs Still Bloom, written by Jane Kirkpatrick

Based on the true story of Hulda Klager, this novel is about a German immigrant with an eighth grade education whose interest in hybridizing led her to develop more than 250 varieties of lilacs. It's a fictionalized account of her work with plants, as well as the story of her family's life. Klager lived from the mid-1800s to the mid-1900s and her gardens are still open for viewing about an hour from where I live. This book counts for Washington on my 50 state reading challenge.

p. 64, Melancholy seeped in like water filling footprints on a soggy lawn. It was always there beneath the surface that year but didn't assert itself until pressure was applied.

p. 79, "Flowers remind us to put away fear, to stop our rushing and running and worrying about this and that, and for a moment have a piece of paradise right here on earth."

p. 79, "A moment of joy is no small thing to give another."

p. 234, "Music cleanses the soul of the pain of daily living," I added.

p. 281, "Bad things happen, and we learn from them, but they do not happen so that we will learn. God is a good God."

p. 357, Suffering, I decided, happened, and so did good things, and the issue of God's power was not so much in questioning why He didn't stop floods or death but in all the rest of the time when He showed us how to be hospitable, generous, and loving.

BOOKS I FINISHED - JANUARY 2024

 

The Covenant of Water, written by Abraham Verghese and illustrated by Thomas Verghese

Spanning nearly 80 years, this novel is about multiple generations of a family in India, a family with several members who have an aversion to or have died in water. From a 12 year old girl forced to marry a 40 wear old man to that same girl's granddaughter as an adult, the reader's drawn into the messy, beautiful, challenging, and inspiring lives of the characters, discovering along the way how their stories are intertwined. This book was a gift from a friend and it convinced me that I don't inherently dislike really long books. In fact, I can love them.

p. 27, "Molay, the sweetness of life is sure in only two things: love and sugar. If you don't get enough of the first, have more of the second!"

p. 122, Secrecy lives in the same room as loneliness.

p. 235, "It's fiction! Fiction is the great lie that tells the truth about how the world lives!

p. 487, "What you see as being generous or as being exploitation has everything to do with who you're giving it to."

p. 507, "Mariamma, sometimes when you are most afraid, when you feel most helpless, that is when God is pointing out a path for you."

p. 618, "Looks change, but character doesn't. So, focus on character, not looks."

He Still Moves Stones, written by Max Lucado

Lucado's such a great storyteller and I love his writing style. This book highlights several people in the Bible, showing how Jesus met them right in the midst of their struggle and brought them peace. It's a reminder that he offers us the same thing he offered them - himself.

p. 23, Bitterness is its own prison.

Black and cold, bitterness denies easy escape. The sides are slippery with resentment. A floor of muddy anger stills the feet. The stench of betrayal fills the air and stings the eyes. A cloud of self-pity blocks the view of the tiny exit above.

p. 24, You can choose, like many, to chain yourself to your hurt.

Or you can choose, like some, to put away your hurts before they become hates.

p. 30, You've probably got a tar baby in your life, someone you can't talk to and can't walk away from. < snip > Tar-baby relationships - stuck together but falling apart.

p. 58, Which, by the way, isn't a bad definition of faith: A conviction that he can and a hope that he will. < snip > Faith is the belief that Got is real and that God is good. < snip > Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. Faith is the belief that God will do what is right.

p. 77, Disappointment will do that to you. It will blind you to the very presence of God. Discouragement turns our eyes inward. God could be walking next to  us, but despair clouds our vision.

p. 88, The power is not in the prayer; it's in the one who hears it.

p. 120, Legalism doesn't need God. Legalism is the search for innocence - not forgiveness. It's a systematic process of defending self, explaining self, exalting self, and justifying self. Legalists are obsessed with self - not God. 

Legalism:
    Turns my opinion into your burden. There is only room for one opinion in this boat. And guess who is wrong!

    Turns my opinion into your boundary. Your opposing opinion makes me question not only your right to have fellowship with me, but also your salvation.

    Turns my opinion into your obligation. Christians must toe the company line. Your job isn't to think, it's to march.

If you want to be in the group, stay in step and don't ask questions.

p. 191, There is someone who is like you were. And she or she needs to know what God can do. Your honest portrayal of your past may be the courage for another's future. 

The Humanity of Homelessness, photography by Blakely Dadson and published by Street Psalms

This small book is a collection of photos taken of people from Church @ the Park and includes their personal descriptions of what it's like to be homeless. Highlighting a community in nearby Salem, it's a call to remember that those living on the streets and in their cars are real people and to care for them as such. 

This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live, written by Melody Warnick

Warnick, who moved frequently and quickly became discontent in each new town, decided to be very intentional about learning to love her newest location. A combination of others' research and her own experiment in loving where she lives, this book will encourage the reader to find meaningful ways to plug into their community. For those who are hesitant to make the effort, the book has lots of new ideas and the encouragement of an author who often had to stretch her own comfort zone. For those, like myself, who are naturally wired to do many of the things in this book, there are new perspectives to consider and ideas to implement. This was the choice for a local book club with a January theme of non-religious self-help or inspiration. 

p. 15, I began to wonder if in all these years of waiting for a town to wallop me over the head with its made-for-me glory, I'd had it all wrong. What if a place becomes the right place only by our choosing to love it?

p. 21, If you want to love your town, I decided, you should act like someone who loves your town. 

p. 55, It sounds crazy, but most of the time I never thought about the cause-and-effect line between the money I spent and other people's lives. Shopping online divorced my buying habits from human interaction, which made them seem like they carried no consequences.

p. 61, I could, though, nudge out "cheap" for "local," at least some of the time. 

< snip >

To make local shopping seem more doable, Baxter came up with an easy formula: Spend a total of $50 at three businesses in your town each month.

p. 62, If we want businesses that contribute character and vibrancy to our towns to stick around long term, we have to spend some cash there.

p. 79, Block parties and potlucks speak everyone's language.

p. 81 (quoting the Saguaro Seminar), "If you had to choose between 10 percent more cops on the beat or 10 percent more citizens knowing their neighbors' first names, the latter is a better crime prevention strategy." 

p. 88, More than anything else, relationships with people are what make you feel at home in your town.

p. 101, A town is what you think it is, and thinking that your town has plenty to do, even when that might not be objectively true, has a tangible effect on its economic success. It's like our cities can tell that we love them. 

p. 132, To fall in love with your town, do what your town is good at - preferably with other people.

p. 139, Physically, community service is as satisfying as gorging on burgers and as calming as a session of yoga, but without the nasty side effects of Zoloft.

p. 139, Volunteering in your hometown, you reap a double-whammy benefit: Helping out makes you feel better while simultaneously making your city a better place to live.

p. 147 (quoting Don Samuels), "Lots of people would like to see neighborhoods change," he says, "but they don't want to have to change their own life to modify them."

p. 152, Money changes your town. Giving money changes you. When you invest, you feel invested.

p. 185, When you love where you live, you care what happens there. You want to get involved, and cities thrive on that involvement.