BOOKS I FINISHED - DECEMBER 2021

The 13th Gift: A True Story of a Christmas Miracle, written by Joanne Huist Smith

A true story about a brief period of time in the author's life, this book serves as a strong reminder that looking for opportunities to bless others is really important and that small, ordinary gestures of kindness are often the most meaningful. It's a story of grief, healing, and the Christmas spirit.

p. 200, We don't all have to become gift givers dashing across darkened lawns in ninja outfits to experience the high that living a generous life can bring. But even in moments of deepest grief, we can turn off self-survival mode and share with others all that we've learned along the way. 

p. 201, I tell them one of the greatest gifts we all possess is the ability to give. Wealth isn't a prerequisite; compassion and a kind heart are all you need. < snip > A legacy of generosity can create memories that reverberate beyond the moment and outshine the brightest of heirloom ornaments. 

Just Open the Door: How One Invitation Can Change a Generation, written by Jen Schmidt

Opening our home to others is something I enjoy, and trying to make people feel welcome in various settings is something I'm very intentional about, but I want to grow in the area of hospitality. Reading this book was a way find new approaches to what I'm naturally wired to do, but it's also a kind (no judgment), helpful (has practical tips) encouragement to folks who are hesitant about opening their door to those around them. We all need each other, and we need the freedom to come as we are, so this book helps us learn to connect in meaningful ways by welcoming people into our world while having a genuine interest in theirs.

p. 8, Hospitality, unlike entertaining, treats everyone as a guest of honor rather than grasping at honor for yourself. Opening your door as nothing to do with the actual setting, the guest list, or the food. The atmosphere can be exactly the same yet have a very different results based on the heart attitude of the one who welcomes.

p. 19, Perfection is the enemy of done. Wait, forget that, sometimes perfection is the enemy of even starting.

p. 28, When discontentment begins to settle in your heart, turn a "have to" attitude into a "get to" attitude, and it will elevate your ability to press in and learn to love what needs to be done, regardless of how you feel. 

p. 32, The way we love our neighbor reveals something about the way we love God. And the way we love God reveals something about the way we love our neighbor.

p. 41, I yearned for our children to have a multigenerational love for those around them because for the most part our society doesn't think this way. Schools, churches, sometimes even whole neighborhoods are built around age segregation. That's why as a parent I've realized I must be purposeful in bridging the generational gap. 

p. 104, We need to get up from our safe, anonymous distance behind our heated Facebook debates and our opinionated rants and actually live like Jesus lived.

Get messy. Be real. Stir up your guest lists, instead of stirring the pot. 

Our table, like Jesus' table, should be one that offers radical, even scandalous grace. To all. To anyone. 

p. 123, Questions show humility. It means you want the focus directed at others and not on yourself. Questions give everyone a voice.

p. 143, But we do well to be honest with one another that, yes, sometimes all of us hurt. And just as we need others to notice and care for us through our low times, we should be watching for how to lift the burdens others carry, developing a spirit of empathy, compassion, and gentleness. 

p. 168, I would suggest the finest art of communication is in learning to listen with utmost humility, to attempt to really hear another's point of view, and then figuring out the questions to ask to draw out the thoughts of another. 

What I Carry, written by Jennifer Longo

A lifetime in foster care and a decade of trying to stay under everyone's radar are about to end for a teenager who's only a year from aging out of the system. This novel is a raw (which means there's a lot of language) look at what life is like for kids who don't have the security of knowing they always have a place to live and family to belong to. It's about fear, self-preservation, and isolation, but also about compassion, loyalty, and hope.  

p. 108, The exhaustion of working overtime all your life to prove you are worthy of human dignity, just because the people in charge are ignorant and suspicious of the circumstances of your birth.

p. 170, "Adopted is a past-tense verb, not an adjective ..."

p. 184, Francine blanched. "Muiriel isn't lucky, Eileen, she's entitled. To at least one good parent. I'm lucky this wonderful creature agreed to come stay with me."

p. 266, Memory, as a substance, is definitely water. It either evaporates completely, or it gets soaked into the brain sponge until the sponge gets squeezed by some unexpected something, and then the water spill everywhere. 

p. 269, "The purpose of adoption is not for parents to 'find a kid.' It is for children to find parents."

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THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful Tim's thrown a couple logs on the previous day's coals as he's left for work the last two mornings so there's a fire going by the time I get up. What's something you're thankful for?

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful that I not only have a vehicle, but that it has a working heater, two luxuries that keep me comfortable when I have to leave home on a cold day. What's something you're thankful for?

DEPRESSION AND A STUFFED RABBIT

This little stuffed rabbit sits on a shelf in my closet where I see it every day. I named it Caramel, both for its color and for the fact it came in an Easter basket filled with a variety of caramel candies. It was given to me by one friend, but it serves as a daily reminder of a small group of people who have supported me in various ways during a really long, really gnarly season of depression. 

I keep typing and deleting, trying to figure out what's worth sharing, whether for the sake of my own documentation or to encourage someone else in the trenches of their own depression. So this may be a bit rambling. Just like life.

Today I realized it's been exactly one year since I told someone I was looking into the possibility of starting an antidepressant. A whole year. I can't believe it's been that long.

I'd had three previous seasons of major depression as an adult. A friend who's seen my minor ups and downs over the years has asked me a handful of times if I need an antidepressant. I've thanked her for her concern each time, as sometimes we're blind to our own need for help, but assured her I knew what depression was like because of my past experiences and that what she was seeing was just an ordinary rough patch. 

I got depressed again a while ago. Obviously depressed. Really depressed. One day I realized all those times my friend had asked me about meds, as well as many other times, were, in fact, depression. They were mild, which is why I hadn't recognized them for what they were, but that meant I'd been battling depression for most of my adulthood. Feeling completely weary and totally hopeless, concerned about how the low points had been coming more frequently and lasting longer each time, I decided to get help. 

I was open to taking meds, but ended up going to counseling instead. I'm so thankful for that time. Several counseling sessions with my therapist later, armed with new insights and a variety of coping skills to use, I was feeling much better. There was still work to do, but I was starting to live and function in a way that was more sustainable.

I liken the choice to ease up on the pursuit of meds in favor of counseling to choosing not to take blood pressure medicine until you see what happens when you make dietary changes. I desperately wanted my head and heart to be in a good place, but I also didn't want to medicate something that I could, and should, fix by changing my behavior. It was the right decision and I still go through the flashcards I made of things I learned in counseling several times a week, as I want to continue being proactive in taking care of my mental health. 

Then, in the aftermath of a meltdown a few months ago, I made a decision that was simultaneously spontaneous and a long time coming. I started an antidepressant. It was the right decision and I'm thankful for emotional stability as I continue working on my own junk. Depression is completely exhausting and this season of chemically-induced respite has been such a gift. 

The plan is to wean off at a predetermined point in time and see what happens. If I'm one who just needed some help to get over the last hump of a season of depression, which is the approach I'm taking, then I'll be done and move on with new habits that I've developed (or, more accurately, am developing). But if it becomes clear that I'm one who needs long-term help with keeping my head and heart in a good place, then I'll be grateful for medication that does the job and continue taking it. 

So, back to Caramel and the people that stuffed rabbit represents. 

Questions about how I was feeling. Prayers. Hugs. Reminders not to isolate. Treats and notes of encouragement at church. Kindness when I took extended breaks from church. Listening to my verbal processing. Happy mail. Questions about how counseling was going. Phone calls. Texts. E-mails. Facebook messages. Video chats. Practical help with making decisions. Lunch dates. Words of affirmation. Personal stories of similar struggles. 

I could go on, but the bottom line is that kindness matters. It matters a lot. If you know someone is struggling with depression on any level, show up for them in whatever way you're able. And remember that you often won't know that the person you're interacting with is depressed. They may not look the part at all, but your behavior and attitude will either add to their burden or ease a little piece of it. So just be kind. 

As for me, I'm so very thankful to be crawling out of the hole of depression over the last year. I'm still a work in progress, but I've had loving hands reach out to help pull me up. That little stuffed rabbit reminds me every day of my gratitude for those people and encourages me to keep moving forward. 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for hummingbirds in our yard. What's one thing you're thankful for?

OH, CHRISTMAS TREE

I wasn't interested in artificial Christmas trees when they started becoming common many years ago. I like the smell of a real tree, I'm a creature of habit who loves tradition, and we couldn't have afforded a fake one anyway. 

That was then, this is now. 

We always buy inexpensive ones, so it's not like the tree itself is ever impressive, but our tree just might be my favorite part of each Christmas season. I love spending evenings with all the lights out in our home except the ones on the tree, just relaxing in our living room. And as beautiful as I think themed trees are, I love that ours is filled with a hodge-podge of ornaments that have a story. It's a snapshot of our history that we only see for a few weeks each year. 

Surprisingly, about five years ago I started noticing that I liked a lot of the non-traditional trees that I kept seeing pictures of. Even the ones that didn't appeal to me personally or that wouldn't work logistically in our home still intrigued me. 

I wanted one. White lights. Miscellaneous ornaments. Simple assembly and storage. That's what I was looking for in a non-traditional tree. 

I decided this was the year to do something about my desire for a change. I showed Tim pictures of two trees that I thought might work. We talked about the pros and cons of each, then chose this one from Better Homes & Gardens. He and the little Ws did all the work and last night I got to string lights on my first non-traditional tree before we put ornaments on it. There were some technical difficulties because we're not a family of woodworkers, but this imperfect tree is perfect. I'm so thankful for a family who was willing to spend time and go outside of their skill set to do something that was important to me. 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the sense of smell. What's one thing you're thankful for?

TYLER'S BIRTHDAY - 2021

This guy's another year older! 

Tyler had some friends come over for a few hours on Sunday and they all decided to play Uno with college rules for a while. 

After dinner they made oobleck and had lots of fun playing with it. Well, they tried to make it in the individual bowls I gave them, but that quickly proved to be impractical. Devon and Naomi swooped in and saved the day. They dumped each boy's oobleck into a larger bowl, added a bunch more cornstarch and water, mixed it all up, then refilled each boy's bowl with their own portion of oobleck. I was thankful for their help!

One of Tyler's friends happens to be one of Natie's brothers, so the two siblings were able to spend a little time together at the party. I snapped a picture for their mom's benefit, but it's cute and I'm including it here. 

I asked them to all strike a pose after Tyler opened cards and gifts they'd brought. One smiling. 

And one silly, of course.

Next up was an indoor snowball fight, which was a huge hit. No pun intended. They pelted each other for an hour, right up until they left for home. 

It was a fun time with tons of laughter!

Today was about celebrating with family. (The exception being reading all sorts of birthday messages posted on my Facebook page and getting a text from a man at church he's friends with.) He got a text from an aunt, started a birthday greeting text exchange with a cousin who was born on the same date a decade earlier, answered a video call from some bonus Ws, talked on the phone with grandparents in two states, ate the dinner of his choice with me and the sibs, was taken to pick up his free birthday drink at Dutch by a brother and sister-in-law, and spent time opening gifts and cards from various relatives with the Ws.

This is how Silas hauled Tyler out to the car when they left for a birthday drink. There are some things that only big brothers do. This is one of them. 

Tim had to unexpectedly work late, which made a whole family picture unattainable, but I made sure to get one of all the sibs. They have their share of conflict and they drive me crazy at times, but they also laugh together a lot and put thought into gifts they choose for each other. I love that.

 And that was that. The end of birthday fun for Tyler.

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THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for an opportunity to see a friend's new baby. What's one thing that you're thankful for?