That word can cause all sorts of disagreement, sometimes heated & condescending, other times respectfully agreeing to disagree, among parents of girls. Of course, I'm sure there are also some parents who have never really given the topic any thought at all.
I came from a family where girls wore one piece swimsuits. End of discussion. Occasionally I wanted the option to wear something different, but the vast majority of the time I didn't mind at all. As an adult I planned on having the same rule if/when we had daughters. I kept that rule for two years. I broke it with Naomi this summer.
I'll share my thought process, simply because I think it's helpful to know how parents reach the decisions they do. We won't all agree on everything, and issues of modesty can be particularly personal, but hearing someone's thoughts can confirm a decision you're making or help you understand the motive behind choices you disagree with. So, here goes.
One piece - Parents who stick with this suit generally do so because they feel it's the most modest option. While the suits for adults can get quite revealing/sexy, the ones for girls are generally great at keeping a girl's torso well-covered. Parents who don't want their daughter's chest to be the center of attention feel much more comfortable with this suit.
Two piece - These can have underwear-style or boy-shorts bottoms and tankini or sports bra-style tops. Parents who want chest coverage, but don't mind exposed stomachs, like this option.
Three piece - Same as the two piece, but with shorts to go over the underwear-style bottoms. These are a good option for parents who want their daughter's chest and butt to be covered
Bikini - These have coverage equal to or less than your average bra and underwear. Parents who aren't concerned with how much skin is exposed feel comfortable with these.
Unless the day comes where I don't mind Naomi hanging out in mixed company in her underwear, then I'll never feel comfortable with her wearing a bikini. The change in fabric and easy access to water doesn't make a difference to me. Just personal preference.
That left one, two, and three piece suits. I've opted for one piece because the other options seemed too much like running around in a bra. However, the more I thought about it, the more double standards I saw in the pursuit of modest swimwear, specifically the difference between swim shorts for a guy and one piece suits for a girl.
* Guys can show their stomachs. Girls can't.
* Guys are covered from the top of their waist down to their knees in loose shorts. Girls have skin tight material that doesn't go down far enough to completely cover their butt or pubic hair.
* Guys aren't expected to consider what a girl sees or thinks when she sees him in his swim shorts. Girls are expected to wear something that keeps guys from finding her sexually attractive.
As a sidenote, if you think guys are the only ones ogling, which many parents who strive to have modest daughters seem to think, then you've clearly never hung out with a group of girls in the midst of guys in their swimwear.
Kinda silly double standards, huh? That's not even getting into practical issues with a one piece suit. It's tricky when you factor in that a girl's body rarely fits well in a one piece suit. Her top half and bottom half are never the same size. So, the quest for modesty in a one piece often results in a suit that draws more attention for it's improper fitting than a two piece could. Peeing is another downside to a one piece. It's a bummer to have to peel a skin-tight, soaking wet suit down to your knees to use the pool/beach bathroom, wondering the whole time if the people walking by your stall see your exposed chest through the cracks in the bathroom door.
For me, I just had to question that logic that a suit that requires a teenager to shave her pubic hair and covers her entire torso is more modest than one that covers her butt and chest. That's how Naomi ended up with a three piece this year. It's a tankini (I'm not comfortable with a top that draws attention to the chest or is intended to look sexy) with shorts to over it. I'm totally comfortable with that. Her butt's not hanging out for the world to see and her chest is covered. We're good to go!
Now, I realize not everyone will share my new appreciation for the three piece suit, and that's fine. I'm
not telling you what is appropriate to wear. Just make sure that whatever standard you hold for girl suits, you also hold for boy suits. If your daughter's stomach must be covered, then cover your son's too. If you wouldn't put your son in a Speedo because it's too tight and revealing, then make sure your daughter also gets loose shorts. Just consider the standards you have and make sure you're consistent. If you're not, then adjust things accordingly in one direction or the other. I respect the people who have different opinions on the matter, whether more or less conservative than mine, and are consistent in the standards they hold, regardless of gender.
On a related topic, what do you think about torso coverage outside of swimming situations? How do you feel about a guy painting his house or going for a run with his shirt off? What about a woman going for a walk or mowing the lawn in shorts and a sports bra or bikini top? Are you consistent in your standard between the genders?
I think that's one where I've been inconsistent. I don't think it's appropriate for a woman to walk around in her underwear (or the comparable bikini top), but it's never phased me to see a guy mowing his lawn in the heat with his shirt off. Hypocritical, I know, but I think I'm moving more to the side of everyone staying covered when they're not swimming. That may or may not be the right choice, but at least I'm being more consistent between the genders ... and consistency is what I think we should all strive for in this area. In fact, I told our boys to leave their shirts on at the water wars event they went to last week. They kinda looked at me funny, so I just explained that if the girls could handle having tops on, then they could too.
That's probably more than you cared to know about my thought process, but there it is. And if we ever end up at a swimming event together, then know that I'll have fun hanging out with you whether you're in a bikini, a burqini, or something in between.
Edited to add another thought - This was post was written a while ago and post-dated to appear while we were on a camping trip. I had an related question come to mind while we were gone and thought I'd tack it on the end of the post. If the purpose of the top half of a girl's swimsuit, regardless of the style, is to cover her breasts, then why are pre-pubescent girls expected to cover their undeveloped chest? Why isn't it acceptable or normal for girls to go topless until they hit puberty? Seems like another double standard and I'm not sure what the logic behind it is.
