SOMETIMES

Family relationships can be fun and rewarding, but sometimes sharing a life and roof with people is discouraging and hard. Social media can be a great way to stay connected with people you like, but sometimes it shows you just how condescending and snarky those people can be toward those they disagree with. Having life slow down can be beneficial in many ways, but sometimes nine straight months of trying to balance the physical, mental, and economic health of yourself, your family, and your community under unusual circumstances, knowing one half or the other of the people you know will criticize you no matter what you do, is overwhelming. Holidays can be filled with special moments and fun traditions, but sometimes making sure they don't feel like just another ordinary day for your loved ones can feel like a burden. 

Today it all just felt too ... everything. Too many unpleasant people, too little kindness. Too many responsibilities, too little rest. Too much judging, too little empathy. Too many hard decisions, too little confidence. Too many tears, too little joy. Too many conflicts, too little peace. Too much of the hard stuff, too little of the good stuff. 

So, as one is prone to do when one feels overwhelmed by everything, I cried. In the car, to the store. And I prayed, just asking God to show me a little glimpse of his love through some part of my day. Something to boost my spirits. Now, there's no magic formula here. Sometimes those prayers are met with silence, other times by my own blindness to the answer. Today, though, my request was granted. 

I pulled into the parking lot, wiped the last tear off my cheek, took a deep breath, and went inside to grab a few things. I wasn't in the store thirty seconds when I saw a couple we've been acquainted with since the summer of 2012. They're in their mid-70s, an older couple we see multiple times each summer at the library's weekly outdoor concerts. Due to the pandemic, the 2020 concert series was canceled, so I haven't seen them since August 2019. In all the years we've lived here, I've never seen them around town. Never. But there they were, right in front of me.

I said hi, but they didn't recognize me with my hair chopped off, a beanie on my head, and a mask over my face. I backed up, pulled my mask down briefly, and said hi again. Then they knew who I was. We spent about ten minutes chatting, looking at pictures of the Ws, hearing about their great-grandkids, and just catching up on life a bit before they gave me air hugs and went on their way. It was wonderful! 

I checked the mail when I got home and there was a package for me. I was expecting something because the sender had confirmed my address last week, then contacted me yesterday to see if I'd received anything from them. The estimated delivery date was Saturday, so I figured whatever it was just got delayed in all the holiday mail. Sure enough, it arrived today. Check out what part of the package was. 

A blue and green W, handmade by the sender! The picture doesn't do it justice, but it has multiple layers, all cut slightly different than the rest so different colors peek through the holes. Isn't that cool? I told my friend that God must have known I'd need that happy mail more today than I did on Saturday.

The kids and I gathered a few minutes later to do our Advent reading for the day. My portion was Psalm 23, the famous Bible passage about the peace, refreshment, guidance, comfort, and love of God. How's that for perfect timing?

The rest of my day was ordinary, but that hour or so was a gift. 

You may feel like you can't get anything right, but sometimes God shows you that he sees, knows, and loves you anyway. You may believe adulthood is overrated, but sometimes God gently reminds you that hard things generally aren't as bad as they feel. You may be discouraged by the attitudes of many people, but sometimes God puts kind people right in your path. 

I'm sure glad he does those things sometimes.

GRIEF IS A GNARLY BEAST

Yesterday was the anniversary of a death of someone important in my life. In thinking about that person, as I often do, I suddenly realized the little funk I've had a hard time shaking is grief. I'm not depressed, and there are plenty of things about life I'm thankful for and enjoying, but I've definitely had an underlying struggle for a while. I'm not going to share what I've been grieving, but I will say that my highly visible surface emotions that grief likes to disguise itself as have hidden the fact it was grief itself hiding underneath.

We usually associate grief with death, and I haven't had anyone close to me die in several years, but I think it's more accurately tied to loss. The loss of relationships, seasons of life, community, material possessions, stability, dreams, physical capabilities, beliefs, security, and more. We grieve both what we've already lost and what we know we're about to lose.

As I've always said, grief is a gnarly beast. It hits in different ways, at different times, and for different reasons for different people. It's both predictable and unpredictable. While there are obviously some unhealthy ways of coping with grief, there's no one right way to do it. We all just have to try finding a balance between allowing ourselves to grieve whatever we've lost, which is a normal and healthy thing to do, without letting that grief consume us indefinitely, which is decidedly  unhealthy.

Here are a few thoughts and verses that have come to mind as I've thought about loss and grief today.

No matter what losses I face, God's not going anywhere.

Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Not only is God always with me, but I can tell him all I feel and depend on him for security and comfort until I pull myself together. 

Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Tears are normal and acceptable. 

John 11:35 Jesus wept.

Seasons change. Sometimes grief fades on its own, other times we have to choose to focus our efforts on something else for a time. Often it's a mixture of the two. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

If you're one who's grieving now, whether on a grand scale or a more subdued one, my prayer for you today is that you'd find some healthy ways of handling all those emotions, learn to find happiness in your new normal, and know that you are loved.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.

TEARS & TRUST

This was my view for a chunk of Saturday afternoon. It was time spent sobbing, praying, yelling, and then repeating the process again and again. As I stared out the window, I was suddenly struck with some analogies, both positive and negative, tying that particular setting to the nitty gritty of my life. So I pulled out my phone and took a picture to remind myself of the moment later.

It's been a hard year for me. Hurt from the utterly ridiculous things people say and completely unfair things they do. Blindsided by devastating things that will forever impact the lives of people I love. Incredibly discouraged by my own unrealistic expectations and repeated failures. Frazzled by old memories that new situations dredge up. Shattered dreams, lost hope, and the birth of cynicism I've never had before.

Those analogies I came up with? I'm not going to share them. The various things that have happened this year? I'm not sharing them either. Some are too personal, things I'll never share with anyone or that I've already shared with the one or two people I sought out for encouragement and advice. Some involve other people whose story it is to tell. Some would ensure the unnecessary demise of other people's friendships. To share any of them here, or even in more private conversations, would just be gossip that doesn't accomplish anything positive.

So why am I bothering to say any of this at all? Because it's real life. Because everyone has struggles. Because I know there are those who see me smiling in public and, in the midst of their own overwhelming circumstances, slip into thinking everyone else's life is better than theirs. (Sidenote: I'm not faking it in public. Interacting with people in social settings has always been something I love. It's in private settings where I lose it.) Because one can be surrounded by a plethora of positive things, which I am, and still be consumed by the negatives ones, which I also am. Because I just need to say it, to acknowledge the chaos of my thoughts and emotions.

Life is hard. Stinkin' hard.

And I'm not handling it well at all right now. 

I'm a talker, but there is a part of me that wants to avoid all conversation. I'm a fixer, but there's a part of me that wants to ignore the problems I need to be part of resolving. I'm an extrovert, but there is a part of me that wants to avoid all humanity. It's easy to take the falling stones of a life that feels like it's crumbling and use them to build a wall of self-preservation around yourself. Isolation doesn't help in the long run. I know that, but I'm struggling to put it into practice right now.

I was tempted as I had a meltdown over the weekend to just close my eyes and take a nap in the van or mindlessly scroll through Facebook on my phone until I'd calmed down. Then I thought about my post over the summer about the idea of a refuge and reached for a little Bible we keep in the vehicle instead.

The sobbing continued for a while, as did the yelling. Emotions don't instantly get under control just because we've chosen a wise way to cope with them. But least I wasn't stewing on the things I was worked up over at the moment. Right? I was setting my eyes on where I wanted to go, even though I wasn't anywhere remotely close to arriving there. Baby steps in the right direction.

I spent quite a bit of time reading various psalms, but kept coming back to Psalm 62:5-8.

I don't have time to list all the ways it spoke to me, but it was exactly what I needed to read! I checked it out in my parallel Bible when I came home and love verse eight in the Amplified Bible.

Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

If you're one who's in a comfortable season where life is humming along pretty smoothly, soak it up and enjoy the ride. If you're one who, like me, is in the throes of struggling to keep your head and heart in a good place while life throws one challenge after another at you (or maybe it's just one huge issue one that's not going away anytime soon), know you're not alone. Give your soul a pep talk, like in the passage above. Don't seek out distractions as if they're refuges. Have a good cry as you pour out your heart to God. Trust him. Keep on keepin' on.

********

I typed everything above on Saturday evening when I was calm, but still feeling pretty raw. Yesterday morning I went to church, cried my way through some songs and conversations, and heard a teaching about living with the reality of heaven, about being a Christian whose perspective of life is from the lens of an eternity with God. I'm not personally caught up in temporal things like monetary affluence, social standing, or material possessions, but I sure do let temporal situations, both short and long-term ones, determine my mood and behavior!

Being encouraged to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, not on the circumstances of the day (or month or year, as the case may be), was good for me to hear. Emotions are fine and the problems of life will often require my blood, sweat, and tears to resolve, but I need to face them without being ruled by them. Here are a few of the verses that stood out to me.

Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.

Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 

I also had a discussion after church with someone who asked me questions about hormones factoring into my emotional upheaval. It's only been during the last few years that my emotions have been affected at all by my cycle, so I don't always remember to see if that's part of the problem when anger or sadness (or both, which is all kinds of awesome) are spiraling out of control. My struggle this last year has been steady enough that I know it's not all hormones, but it's possible they played a role in my meltdown on Saturday. I was given some suggestions for ways to adjust my vitamin intake that may help balance things out and I plan on giving at least one of them a try.

Between having time to settle down, being challenged and encouraged at church, and a hormone discussion, I almost decided to take this post off today's schedule. I opted to leave it because all my initial reasons for sharing are still valid. Hopefully it will be an encouragement to someone else who is struggling to keep their thoughts and emotions above water.

MY REFUGE

Last month I was in a counseling appointment and shared that the following verse had stood out to me when I had recently come across it. 

2 Samuel 22:3a My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.

The previous month had been discouraging on all fronts and I was feeling stuck. I'd like to say that when I feel stuck I consistently make wise choices that get me moving forward on the right track, but the truth is that I often choose to avoid reality by wasting time on Facebook or losing myself in a stack of library books. There's obviously nothing wrong with interacting with friends online or enjoying a good book, but my motives and goals need to be appropriate.

As I read those familiar words, I started thinking about what a refuge is. It's a place of safety, right? Somewhere we will be protected from whatever hardship we're facing. But it's also a place we have to choose, a place we intentionally seek out. Refuges don't come to us, we go to them. 

The question I asked myself, even though I already knew the answer, was whether or not God is my refuge. I believe he is always a refuge, but whether or not he's my refuge is up to me. Sure, I'd say he's my refuge, but actions speak louder than words. Far too often he is not where I turn when life is overwhelming, confusing, or otherwise rotten. The truth is that Facebook and library books are my refuge. They are where I tend to automatically turn when I want protection from whatever junk life is throwing at me.

The problem is that those things, although not inherently bad, don't actually offer protection. All they provide is distraction. Unfortunately, life is still waiting for me when Facebook runs out of interesting posts and the last chapter of a book comes to an end. But I'm no more prepared to deal with it than I was before.

An actual refuge, on the other hand, offers a safe place to land when I need help, but the goal is to make forward progress when I leave. It's not a place to ignore my problems, but to either rest as I figure out how to address them or catch my breath while my problems pass over on their own. 

If I believe that God created this world, that he created me and knows exactly what I need, then he needs to be my refuge, the place of safety that I seek out. Whether I'm studying my Bible at the table to remind myself of his promises and to look for his guidance or praying for comfort through buckets of tears while I'm curled up in bed, he should be the first place I turn when I need help. 

I definitely think there are times we just need to hit pause and focus on something unrelated to the big struggles in our life for a time, but that's not what I'm talking about here. Taking a break to spend a little time on Facebook in the midst of a chaotic day is fine. Sitting on the lawn long enough to read a chapter of whatever book I'm working through before I dive back into whatever part of life is complicated is not a problem. That's just resting, and it's good. I'm talking about where we automatically turn in hard times, where we linger when we're in trouble. I know the difference between the two in my own life and I'm sure you do in yours.

Maybe you're not on Facebook and you hate reading, but we all have refuges that aren't ideal. Which activity, person, thing, or place do you run to first when life is hard? Why do you turn that direction? Is it helpful for getting your head and heart back in a healthy place? Does it provide a responsible way for you to deal with the problems you're facing? If not, then maybe you should acknowledge it as a distraction and quit pretending it's a refuge. That doesn't necessarily mean you avoid it completely, but it does mean that you're honest about why you're turning in that direction. For me, that means asking myself if I'm cracking open a book because I love reading and am intentionally making time to do something I enjoy, hopping online to check Facebook because I have some time to spare and want to satisfy my extrovert desire for interaction with other people, or if I'm doing either of those things because I'm stressed, grumpy, and avoiding people or situations that need my attention. 

It's been four weeks since my last appointment, the one where I'd shared this insight about how I have to choose my refuge and intentionally move toward it, and I'd love to say I've been spending lots of time in prayer and reading my Bible, that I'm rarely, if ever, turning to my primary distractions instead of to God as my refuge when I'm unhappy. But that would be a lie. It's been a rough stretch the last few months and what I know is best in my head is still working it's way down deep enough in my heart to cause a major change in my behavior. I'm a work in progress, that's for sure, but I'm still thankful for the reminder that I choose my refuge. I want to choose wisely. I want to choose God.

ON AGING, FILTERS, AND REPUTATIONS

I periodically hear women in their forties and fifties proclaim with some amount of pride, or at least without any shame, that they've lost their filter as they've gotten older and don't really care what people think about them anymore. There's a tiny piece of me that understands and admires that. After all, I believe there is value in being confident, comfortable in your own skin, and not being a people-pleaser who's afraid to be honest. It's just a tiny piece of me, though. The rest of me cringes every single time I hear that sentiment expressed and here's why.

There are two types of old women. There's the sweet lady whose kindness everyone is drawn to and who people of all kinds enjoy being around. There's the crotchety old lady who constantly picks everyone and everything apart and who people make every effort to avoid. Yes, those are stereotypes and there are obviously people who fall somewhere in the middle of those extremes, but if you look around you'll see that most old women fall into one of those two categories.

I really want to be the first kind of old lady! That won't magically happen on its own, though. Regardless of how we define "old", who we are when we reach that point will just be an exaggerated version of who we were in the years leading up to it. Our younger years are spent practicing and perfecting the kind of old people we will be. 

Losing your filter is not something to be commended. Of course, we're all a bunch of sinners who lack self-control and deliberately say mean or disrespectful things at various times or who appear to have lost our filter when we say the wrong things with good intentions. I'll be the first to raise my hand as a guilty on that count.  That's not what I'm talking about, though. I'm referring to people who define themselves and/or are known by others as someone who consistently speaks whatever is on their mind and voices every thought they have with no consideration of or care for how their words affect other people or situations. Interestingly, those who claim they have no filter generally aren't people who let compliments and gratitude flow freely out of their mouth. Those filters seem to be firmly secured. It's just the filter for any form of negativity that they've discarded. 

Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.

Ouch! According to the Bible, those of us who get a kick out of giving voice to every thought we have are fools. That verse hits me right between the eyes every time I read it. I have lots of opinions and am a pretty vocal person, neither of which are inherently bad, but there have been countless times when I've been more concerned with making sure people know what I think than I've been with trying to understand where others are coming from, seeing the big picture (or the small one, depending on the situation), giving just as much weight to someone else's perspective as my own, or finding a solution. That makes me a fool. Not someone who's training to be a kind old woman. Just a fool.  A fool who proudly runs her mouth at the expense of people and relationships.

Is there a time and place to voice our negative opinion of something? Of course, but we should handle those situations with tact. Does being a sweet person mean we can't be honest about the things in life that are hard? Absolutely not. In fact, I'm really grateful for the people in my life who I can be real with and who are real with me, but who never add fuel to my fire and always challenge me to do the right thing. 

Not caring what people think is another thing that's not admirable. I certainly don't think it's healthy to spend our time fretting over whether or not people will think we're fashionable, have a cool house, drive a nice car, or whatever. That's just arrogant. In those types of things we shouldn't care what people think. Life isn't a competition for who has the most or best of whatever our culture currently deems as cool. That being said, we should care what other people think of us. I firmly believe that's something that we all inherently know, even the people who claim they don't care what people think of them. It's why we dress professionally for job interviews or declare the injustice when someone's life is ruined by a false accusation. What people think matters. It just does.

Proverbs 22:1 A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. 

Here's where this point has really come to my attention lately. Two men died recently. I didn't know either one of them, but our lives had some overlap. One was a retired NBA player and worked in the NBA at the time of his death. I'd never spoken to him, but we sat about fifty feet away from each other every Sunday morning. His death was unexpected. The other was an accomplished musician and a worship leader at a church in an area we used to live. I'd never met him, but we knew a lot of the same people and my dad had treated him when he was going through radiation. Everyone knew his death was coming soon. I read a lot of comments about the first man in news articles and on Facebook. I read a lot of comments about the second man on Facebook and watched the live stream of his memorial service. 

Do you know what I heard and saw as I read and watched those things? Person after person after person sharing about the way those men treated others well, loved Jesus, and always showed a sincere interest in the lives of others. People talked about how they were humble, despite being very skilled in their given fields. They talked about how these were men of integrity who loved their families and were committed to their friendships and communities. Examples were shared of honorable things these men had done and any reference to their accomplishments or talents was in the context of praising their character. 

Do you know what I didn't see or hear, what I've never seen or heard when someone dies? Gratitude for the person's ever-present condescending attitude. Joy over the fact that they never cared what people thought of them. Respect for the way they always made their opinion be the most important thing, regardless of the cost. A strong desire to imitate their filter-less speech. Sadness over not being able to hear their rude comments anymore. Why don't we ever see those things? Because no one, and I mean no one, enjoys people who have no filter and who don't care what people think of them. 

Oh, sure, those people often have others in their lives who love them and there will be regrets over lost opportunities for healthy relationships, but they aren't truly missed when they're gone. It's crickets and tumbleweeds when those people die, just generic comments about how they lived a long life or died so young, depending on the person, but there's no respect, no legacy of lives that were made better because of them, nothing in their character to admire or strive for. 

Do you know what else I never see? Respect for how much money was in their checking account. Gratitude for the time they spent stressing over whether or not to get granite counter tops. Admiration for what brand of jeans they wore and how great they looked in them. Do you know why? Because people who truly care about someone don't give a rip about that stuff. There's nothing wrong with acquiring nice things, having lots of money, or being physically attractive, but they are totally superficial things that have no true value. What a shame if the primary way a person is remembered after they die is for their silver and gold, whether proverbial or literal.

Neither of these men were old and they were ... well, men ... but they were both examples of the first type of old woman I described, the kind of person I want to be. Like I said, I didn't know either of these men personally, but I know without a doubt they said things they shouldn't have and that there were times getting their way or having the last say was more important than doing the honorable thing. That's just humanity. However, the things people said when they died spoke volumes about their character. They had good names, they were esteemed not just by people who only saw them at work, only interacted with them online, only talked with them at church, only had shared hobbies ... but by people from all different parts of their lives who had known them for varying lengths of time. I think that's awesome!

My prayer for myself is that I would be someone who can be defined as being wise instead of a fool, doesn't always insist on voicing opinions, sees value in having a good and well-earned reputation, and puts people over things. That's a God-sized job, for sure, something that will only happen over time ... lots of time ... a lifetime, to be exact. I'm a work in progress, trying to practice being the kind of person I want to be decades from now.

As for you, I'd ask you to consider two things. First, what kind of old person do you want to be? Second, what do you want to be remembered for when you die? Figure out your answer, then honestly assess where you're at in the process. Look at the behaviors and attitudes you're practicing right now, determine if you're on the right trajectory for where you want to end up, then adjust things accordingly.

FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS

Proverbs 27:2 Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.

Either my parents had us memorize that verse when we were kids or they just quoted it to me enough that I memorized it unintentionally. Either way, it popped into my several weeks ago. I had just reached a running milestone (don't even remember which one now) and the only thing on my mind was posting it on Facebook, letting everyone know what I'd accomplished so that I could get some virtual pats on my internet back. Then, along came the verse and I knew that I couldn't share my milestone.

Have I posted things that I knew would solicit praise in the past? Yes. My motives have ranged from excitement (getting my hair whacked off and loving how it turned out), shock (I, the one with absolutely zero natural athletic ability or coordination, actually finished a nine week running program),  a sense of accomplishment (getting our living room painted or bathroom redecorated), or accountability (getting household tasks taken care of).

Will I do it again? I have no idea, but more than likely, as I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with telling others about our accomplishments. All I know is that for right now I'm not sharing those moments publicly because I know when my motives aren't right, when I'm deliberately seeking out the praise of other people, rather than just feeling excited, shocked, accomplished, or in need of accountability, and not really giving a rip about the praise that would probably come.

Have you ever had a similar experience, a time where you realized you were telling people what you'd done, created, written, or whatever simply because you thought you were awesome (at least in regards to the topic at hand) and wanted to give others an opportunity to stroke your ego? It's pretty embarrassing when you realize that's what you're doing! At least it was for me.

9/16/14 - TEN ON TUESDAY

Blood - I donated blood during college and in the first few years after graduation, but stopped when I got pregnant with Silas. In the years since then I've either been pregnant or just forgotten about it. A year or two ago I tried to donate again, but my iron was too low. I take iron supplements now and was able to donate a couple Fridays ago. I'm excited to get back in the donation routine! Here I am with my stylish proof of donating.

Budgets - I mentioned a while back that we voluntarily went off food stamps in the spring, but a month later realized we weren't going to be able to eat during the summer if we kept that up. So we opted not to reapply, but did use up the remaining balance on our account. We were getting an absolutely ridiculous amount of money each month, so we had a lot of unused money that had accumulated over time and we ate off of it for a while. This month we're back to fully supporting ourselves and it feels good. And a little bit scary. We've always had a very small grocery budget, which is fine because I'm a frugal shopper and am home full-time to cook for my family, but things get more expensive as the years go by, kids grow up and eat more, and so on. Needless to say, I've been a little apprehensive about how this is going to play out, but I'm determined not to go back on food stamps, even if that means eating beans and rice five nights a week. I'm incredibly grateful that help was there when we needed it, but I'm ready to  move on.

Anyway, God has once again proven to be faithful at meeting our needs. We've been given produce from people's yards and gardens, beef from friends who gave it as a gift or as payment for books they purchased at my book sale, turkey from someone who needed to get one out of their freezer, and chicken that Tim earned (more on that below). We eat vegetarian meals three or four nights a week, so this stockpile of meat and poultry will last us a while and we're able to share a chicken with someone else. How cool is that?! I don't know why I always get nervous about stuff like this. Time after time after time we see that when each person chooses to pay kindness forward in whatever way they're able (financial help, providing free childcare, doing yard work for those who can't do their own, delivering meals to people in difficult circumstances, etc.), then everything tends to work out for everyone.

Chickens - We know the owners of Marion Acres and they recently asked if Tim would be willing to help with harvest day. He drove out to the farm early Saturday morning and spent several hours slaughtering chickens, then got to bring some home in exchange for his labor. If you're interested in local, pasture-raised chickens and turkeys, then check out the link above or visit the Marion Acres Facebook page. If you're just interested in a fun video, then spend a couple minutes watching some footage from their 2013 Ladies Chicken Harvest event.

Dairy-free - Teebs has been dairy-free for a while now and it's going pretty well. We don't really drink milk, but we use a lot of dairy products, so it's been a bit of an adjustment. Some things we make as usual, but use a non-dairy milk and/or leave cheese out of a portion of the dish and we've kept some popsicles in the freezer for him to eat when the rest of us have ice cream. Other things, like eating yogurt and cheese, have been harder. We haven't been able to find an easy way for everyone else to keep eating those things and have a comparable food for him to eat at the same time. I miss yogurt and cheese. A lot. A whole lot. I'm not sure how this is going to look over the long-term, but I think dairy is one of the easiest allergies to live with, so we'll figure it out.

Jobs - Tim is currently subbing. He was contacted a couple weeks before school started for a sub job that is for just over two weeks and started on the first day of school. Sub jobs can be hard to come by early in the year, so that was a huge blessing! Other calls have started to come in, which he's had to turn down because of the one he already committed to, and it looks like he'll be right back in the swing of full-time subbing in no time at all.

As for permanent jobs, the charter that he'd been talking to since the spring hired someone else. We had wanted clarity and closure on that job and got both, so we're totally fine with how it played out, but it was the only job he landed an interview for. He applied to countless school jobs, a totally random job that has nothing to do with education, and a job that seemed ideal at a community college, but nothing ever came from any of those applications. Another school job was recently posted and will close later this month, so he'll apply for it and we'll see what happens. Meanwhile, we're thankful for the great summer job he had and for sub jobs during the school year.

KidCheck - Our church moved from using wristbands to match kids with their guardian to an electronic check-in system called KidCheck a while ago and it's been great. However, I recently needed to update information for Teebs and was unable to do so. Attempts at home and church by both me and church staff had been unsuccessful.  I finally sent KidCheck an e-mail last Wednesday morning that explained what I needed to do and what attempts I had made to do it. Twenty minutes later I got a phone call from an employee who was ready to help me. By that time I was in the middle of lunch prep, a math meltdown, and a toddler with more energy than was good for him, so I let it go to voicemail. I called back a couple hours later, though, and got the help I needed.

As it turns out, part of it was user error (I didn't remember that I'd given myself a new username when I first created my account ... oops)  and part of it was that no one realized it's impossible to edit a child's information from the church kiosks (it's a safety precaution in the event of a security breach at the church). The woman I worked with was Nancy and she was friendly, helpful, and prompt. Excellent customer service!

Library - We go to the library a lot, participate in their activities, and frequently have items on the hold shelves. A couple of weeks ago we were attending a city anniversary celebration in the library park and I was chatting with a group of people, including John, the head librarian.

I'm pretty sure your family makes up 5-10% of our circulation.

~ John Hunter

Ha! We obviously don't make up that much, but we do love the libraries in whatever place we happen to be living.

Popcorn - Our West Bend Stir Crazy died recently. It was our second one over the course of our marriage and it's a fantastic popper, but we're not going to replace it. I'm not spending money on something fairly frivolous right now. Even if I was, then I'd want to wait until it drops to twenty bucks around Christmas time and spend gift cards I earned through Swagbucks for it.  Not only that, I'm in purge mode around here and just want to have less stuff in our home. However, we eat a lot of popcorn. So, what's a girl to do? Learn how to make it in my cast iron Dutch oven, that's what! I tried doing that several months ago and it was a little burnt, but yesterday's batch was awesome! I can't just walk away from it while it's popping like I did with the Stir Crazy, but it tasted great, I'm able to save cupboard space by not replacing the broken popper, and I'm getting more use out of my Dutch oven. Win, win, win!

School - We have everyone back home again this year, it's going well, and I'm loving it. Deciding where Devon would be this year was actually a really hard decision. Last year there was a huge list of reasons why it was clear that sending some of our kids out for school was the best option, but many of those things are different this year. His school is K-5, so he could have gone one more year, but he didn't need to go. Last year was great and we like the school, but we weren't sure that we should send him just because we could. Either option, sending him out or keeping him home, seemed great this year, but we opted to keep him home. If we realize we chose wrongly, then the principal has told us that the fifth grade class is not full and we could probably get him back in. Meanwhile, I'm still volunteering at the library there because I love doing it.

Selfies - Brett was talking at church on Sunday about how people use Facebook. I don't even remember how he got on the subject, but he started out saying something about teens who post seductive pictures of themselves, but then mentioned people whose pages are filled with screen after screen of selfies. His words of wisdom? "Deny thy selfies." Ha! That evening I read Streams in the Desert for the day, which I hadn't had time to do before church, and the verse it was about was the one Brett referenced.

Mark 8:34 Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

I don't post seductive pictures or take lots of selfies and I make a deliberate effort to use Facebook as a way to connect with and learn more about others, but I guess hearing that verse referenced twice in one day meant I needed a reminder to think past myself. Sure enough, the last couple days have consisted of me being irritated and crabby because things aren't working out the way I'd like them to. Denying yourself is much easier to talk about than to put into practice!


(This post contains affiliate links.)

9/10/14 - WORTH REPEATING

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You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

~ Olin Miller


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Those who make the most of this life intentionally seek out others to learn from. They embrace humility. Reject prideful arrogance. Quickly admit that they do not have all the answers. And look to others for guidance, example, and motivation.

~ Joshua Becker in Look Up to Someone at Becoming Minimalist


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I need to be patient in the short and long term, in things like the time it takes to clean a room and in the time it takes to develop character.

~ Me in my notes from something about family/marriage/parenting on 8/12/08


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You are enough. You have a story. You have a purpose.

~ Crystal Paine in Three Truths That Pulled Me Out of a Pit of Insecurity at Money Saving Mom


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But Christ doesn't do that! He drops a comma like a grenade.

He gives us the gift of the comma and then asks us to strengthen our brothers. Not beat ourselves with emotional whips. Or lay in a hole of shame. Or stay to the shadows of the church, afraid to be seen.

~ Jon Acuff in The Comma of Grace at Stuff Christians Like (Fantastic post about Luke 22:32 that I'd encourage you to take two minutes to read.)


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LINKS I LIKE #12

I've been stockpiling all sorts of great links for you guys. Ready?  

Ron Mueck - This man creates amazing sculptures of people! A.ma.zing. They all look so real.

Being Willing to Help with Childcare at Church - My friend Vinae challenges people, particularly those who aren't in the throes of parenting littles, to be willing to serve parents in this way ... or at least to give it serious consideration. As I said in the comment section of her post when it was first published, I'm so thankful for people pre-, mid-, and post-kids who are willing to serve in children's ministry!!

Ten Important Things Kids Should Know - The author of this post was writing to her daughter, but I think all of these things are important for boys and girls. Things like sharing your passions, being physically active, having the freedom to disagree with people, and reading a lot.

Clothing Swap - Seven pairs of young adults swapped outfits with an older relative for a photo shoot. The link shows each pair in their own clothes first, then in the other person's clothes. Super fun idea! 

God May Not Have a Wonderful Plan for Your Life - A great post about an expression that's frequently used in Christian circles. I love the following quote. 

He never promised a wonderful life. In fact, he promised hardship. Jesus said the poor will be blessed. But, He didn't say He would end poverty. He said those who mourn will be comforted. But, He never promised that mourning wouldn't be part of our lives.  

Cool and Crazy House Ideas - Some of these are awesome. Some are nuts. All are fun to look at. I think my favorites are the hammock bed and the swing set dining table.  

Something Important About Giving Gifts - Elisha talks about giving in a way that shows you value the person receiving your gift. Some of the best gifts that have been given in our family weren't particularly exciting, but they were completely perfect for the person receiving them. They proved that the giver paid attention to the details of the recipient's life.  

Verses About Sensitivity (the easily and/or chronically hurt and offended kind) - Shanna posted this link on Facebook a while back. I think it's worth reading and pondering.  

Book Lists - I enjoy seeing what others are reading and often add books to my own TBR list from their lists. These two are from a daughter's friend who lives with and works for my sister's family and from a friend of mine. Hannah listed out all the books she read in 2013. Mandi listed and linked all the books she read last year, sorted by fiction and non-fiction, and the books she plans on reading this year.

Dealing With Difficult People - Whether it's a child who is stretching you to your limits (which is the reference point for the author) or some other relationship that tends to highlight the worst aspects of yourself, this post is great. There are several things worth quoting, but I'll just share this part from the end of the post.

The careful attention we give can absolutely change a challenging dynamic between two people, inserting patience and grace and love where there was once apathy and anger and irritation. But even if the relationship remains unchanged, we are still better when we aren't behaving like our worst selves. That release alone is worth the worth, mitigating the shame of Being Icky to Someone.

A Life of Service - I had the kids watch this short video. I think it's so important to remember that you can't judge a person's character solely on one aspect of their life. I also think it's really important to serve others.

LIFE. SOMETIMES IT STINKS.

Sad?  There's a part of my life that's making me feel that way.

Weary and hopeless?  There's something else making me feel like that.

Fearful and stressed?  Another situation has those emotions covered.

I'm spent.  Mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I've shared a few details of one thing with a couple people, but otherwise I've kept everything to myself.  I've always been a pretty open book about life, but sometimes ... well, I guess that sometimes I'm not.

I don't want to be a chronic complainer who constantly laments to the masses about the struggles in their life, so I don't share every emotion or update every detail surrounding some issues.  Everyone has things in their life that are hard.  Everyone.  Now, you know I'm a big fan of being real and have openly shared a variety of hard things over the years, but I'm not going to go out of  my way to say "still hard" ... "yep, still hard" ... "no improvement yet" ... "woe is me" all the time.

I also live with five other people, so their lives are often and naturally tangled up in my struggles (and vice versa).  I won't publicly share things that are also private parts of their lives without their permission and with people who haven't heard their side of the story (though there isn't always a story to be told), just like I wouldn't want them to do that to me.  That means anything that pertains to marriage, parenting, or other family issues will never be available for public consumption.

I don't have the freedom to be real or the energy to be fake.  So I've withdrawn.  I've opted out of attending some things because I don't want to play charades.  I've watched instead of participated.  I've stayed out of conversations because I have nothing but blunt snark to contribute.  I've freaked out.  I've made some extreme statements.  I've cried almost every day.  I've avoided interactions that won't stay at a chatty, superficial level.

I know withdrawing and freaking out aren't healthy, though I certainly believe there are times when it's good to step back to take a deep breath and reevaluate things or pull yourself together, but I feel like I'm in survival mode and I'm doing what I have to.

A few things have helped me the last few days, though.  I dumped some details on a friend the other day and she responded with some words of encouragement.  Jess wrote a fantastic post about what it means to take our thoughts captive, rather than being the captive.  Beep and I are between Bible studies for our weekly Skype date, so I've been reading I Peter, thanks to a reading from an old copy of Streams in the Desert a few days ago, and the following passage is one I've read repeatedly.

I Peter 1:3-9  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  Though you have not seen him, you love him;  and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Mercy.  New.  Birth.  Living.  Hope.  Resurrection.  Jesus.  Inheritance.  Never perish, spoil, or fade.  Heaven.  Faith.  Shielded.  Power.  Salvation.  Rejoice.  Faith.  Worth.  Genuine.  Praise.  Glory.  Honor.  Love.  Believe.  Joy.

Good stuff.

I don't know how all the current struggles in my little corner of the world will play out.  So ... I'll keep trying to put the happy-cheerful cycle into action because it always helps.  I'll keep sharing the things that are good because there are plenty of them.  I'll keep reading my Bible and spending time in prayer because I need and want to.  I'll keep trying to focus less on my circumstances and more on Jesus because it keeps things in perspective.  I'll put one of my friend's suggestions into practice and work on being mindful about the thoughts I focus on because they are good things to do.  I'll keep failing (and I'll probably keep crying), but I'll keep trying.  There really is no other option.

ENCOURAGEMENT FROM THE BOOK OF MATTHEW

Beep and I are reading through the book of Matthew together, a Bible study we do on our own during the week and talk about via Skype on the weekend. Well, on my weekend anyway. A few verses have stood out to me in the last few weeks and I thought I'd share them here.

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Matthew 10:8b  Freely you have received, freely give.  

Freely. Freely. Freely. These words come right on the heels of Jesus sending out the disciples with instruction to take care of spiritual matters and practical ones. Do I serve and bless others freely? Do I have strings attached or keep score of how much I've done for them compared to how much they've done for me? Do I seek or expect accolades when I give my time, money, skills, or other resources? Do I show love and grace, offer spiritual encouragement, and give practical help to others as eagerly as Jesus does? In what ways am I making a tangible difference in other people's lives?

I know this isn't shocking, but sometimes I find myself feeling resentful about cleaning up other people's messes for the gazillionth time or of having to take care of household stuff when I'd really like to put on jammies and curl up with a good book. Not to say there's never a time where I ask other people to help or choose to let the work wait while I relax, but lately I've been whispering "freely I've received, freely I'll give" to myself during the day in an attempt to adjust my attitude. I've still barked at my family and had rotten attitudes at times, but it's been less than usual. Saying that phrase encourages me to treat people better than I may feel like treating them.

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Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I know this is a popular verse and I don't have any profound thoughts to share, but life can make certainly make you weary and burden you. Careers, family, friends, health issues, finances, school ... any one of them can be overwhelming at times, and sometimes several of them weigh you down at the same time. But Jesus? Time with him is a burden lifter, not a burden increaser. He offers rest for our souls, if only we will turn to him. Do I turn to him when life is hard? Do I turn to him regularly? Do I turn to him first? I should!

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Matthew 12:9-14 Going on from that place, he went into their synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, they asked him, "Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?"

He said them, "If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath."  

Then he said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other. But the Pharisees went out and plotted how they might kill Jesus.

Do I care more about how things should be (rules, structure, being right) than about how they could be (love, healing, kindness)? The "shoulds" are often perfectly good things, but maybe I get so focused on them that I miss something wonderful in the "coulds".

I want to follow the letter of the law, so to speak, but not to the point where I miss the spirit of the law. I want to see lives changed for the better more than I want to be right. I want to remember that God doesn't treat me like he should. I want to treat the people around me how I could, rather than how I should (or at least how I think I should).

At least that's what I say I want. But it's a lot easier to say that's what you want than it is to live like it.

And thus concludes my random thoughts on some verses in Matthew.  Class dismissed.

COMPARED TO AN OLIVE TREE

My sister and I are doing a Bible study together, via Skype, that's focused on olive trees. One of the things we had to do last week was to make a list that compared people and olive trees. I didn't follow the directions exactly, but chose instead to use traits of the olive tree as a springboard for questions about my spiritual life. I thought I'd share them here, in case they would encourage or challenge others. I'll list the olive tree trait first, then share the personal application question.

* Evergreen:  Am I always growing?

* Fruit-bearing:  What fruit am I bearing?

* Drought-tolerant:  How do I handle adversity?

* Massive root system:  What am I most invested in?

* New shoots appear when cut:  Do hard times make me better or bitter?

* Needs regular pruning:  Am I actively working to improve myself?

* Enjoys hot, dry weather:  Am I grateful for the good or easy times in life?

* Needs cool winters for fruit to set:  Am I accepting of all the seasons of my life?

* Provides fuel:  Do I help others to persevere?

* Provides food:  Do I help others to grow?

* Provides medicine:  Do I help others to heal?

We'll all struggle in some of these areas more than others, but there is hope. The more we focus on the love, character, and promises of God, and the less we focus on our own strengths, weaknesses, and circumstances, the more deeply rooted and fruitful our lives will be.

Psalm 52:8  But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.

IF YOU'RE ANGRY AND YOU KNOW IT, READ THIS POST

I have been struggling with anger about a situation. Lots of anger. I hate the way it makes me feel. I hate the way I've allowed it to dictate the way I talk to the other Ws. I hate everything about it. 

I've prayed. I've given myself pep talks. Nothing helps. 

Last night, for the first time in quite a while, I felt encouraged, hopeful that I'm moving out of this place of anger I've been stuck in. I wish it would have happened quickly, but it's been a gradual process over the last week or so and after a few months of riding the anger roller coaster. 

10/5 - Cheri posted the following on my Facebook wall. "You are always responsible for how you act, regardless of how you feel. Remember that." It was a quote she'd found online and she knew I'd appreciate it.

10/6 - Tara posted the following on her blog.

Mostly, I'm staying close to Jesus, an example of flexibility who received interruptions as divine appointments and used His soft heart and persuasive words to bring glory to His Father.

I want to be like Him.

I was keenly aware that my heart and words around the house lately have done nothing to bring God glory.  

10/7 - I shared with Mindy and Carol how I was so angry and letting that anger run my mouth. They lovingly told me to knock it off and encouraged me to post some verses around my house, verses about self-control and choosing to speak kindly. 

10/10 - Tammy asked me how I'm doing with my temper and my tongue, if I'd allow the little Ws to speak the way I've been speaking, and what I think I need to learn about myself through the situation. Then she challenged me to be kind, even when I feel kindness is not deserved.

10/11 - Cheri challenged me to sit quietly and ask God to show me what the real root of my anger is, wait until I see what it is, repent, ask forgiveness, and move forward.

10/11 - Tara mentioned something about how she and I are justice girls, people with a strong desire for wrongs to be made right and truth to be revealed. The context of the conversation had nothing to do with my anger, but I realized how much her statement had to do with how I've been feeling. 

10/11 - I listened to Judy's teaching from last week's study in Ruth and was struck with her last statement. 

When you look at the way you love people in your life, are you one who thinks about your own preferences, your own needs, your own rights? Do you insist on your way? Or are you one who chooses to yield? To let go of your rights? To let go of your preferences? To let go even of your needs for the people you love?

Yielding? Letting go? Nope. None of that going on around here lately. I've been totally focused on how the situation affects me. 

Last night I shut my bedroom door, knelt at my bed, and started praying. I already knew, based on Tara's comment earlier in the day, that a desire for justice was at the root of my anger, but I needed to own it, to confess and ask for forgiveness.

Then I sprawled out on the floor and opened my Bible. I was looking for a different verse, but ended up opening to Ephesians and zeroed right in on 4:29-5:2.  

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Wow! So applicable. Let me break the passage down into smaller chunks and tell you how it spoke to me.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths - Rudeness is never wholesome and I've been rude.

But only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs - Helpful? Well, the way I've been talking has temporarily satisfied my need to release some anger, but that's not exactly what the verse is talking about. Ultimately, it's had nothing to do with others and what they need, but everything to do with me wanting to get something off my chest.

That it may benefit those who listen - My family has not benefited from listening to the things I've said in anger. That's for sure!

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption - I'm confident that things I've spoken in anger and a generally negative disposition toward my family does not please the Holy Spirit. Can you imagine what it would be like to reside in someone who was chronically mad? Pretty sure you'd be grieved.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice - Those who I've talked to about how angry I am would tell you that my anger is justified and/or totally understandable. Logically, it is. But God's word doesn't say to get rid of unjustified anger, while holding on to the anger that has a reasonable explanation. Nor does it say act on our justified anger in a socially acceptable manner. It says to get rid of anger. All of it. That requires being proactive, choosing to stop each time an angry thought crosses my mind and exchange it for something different, something kind, calm, positive, helpful, or whatever is appropriate for the situation. It's choosing, like that quote from Cheri said, to not let my feelings dictate my actions. It's not explaining or excusing my anger, but actively working to get it out of my life. Whew! That feels like a big assignment right now!

Be kind and compassionate to one another - Kindness and compassion have not been high on my priority list around the house lately. I've shown no grace, but have repeatedly put on grand displays of "woe is me". Again, understandable, but unacceptable.

Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you - This is harder. It's the first part that's not about general behavior, but about acknowledging my own flaws, recognizing that God's forgiven me for all the wrong or foolish things I've done, then paying that forgiveness forward. It's choosing not to hold someone's behavior against them. It's acknowledging that I may not have done what they've done, but I've still done plenty of wrong things. This part prompted me to go back and read this post about forgiveness from The Peacemaker again. Good stuff.

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children - Naomi gets a big kick out of putting on Tim's shoes, my shirts, or whatever she can get her hands on. It's natural for a child who is loved to imitate those who love them. So, what does that say about me, as God's child, when I'm letting my anger fuel my conversation? Perhaps I'm not spending enough time with the one who loves me? You think? I have the following note written in the margin of my Bible, though I have no idea when I wrote it. "Do I love in such a way that I'd want my children to imitate me?" Not lately! I need to work on imitating God, then pray that my children will see him in me and want to imitate him themselves. 

And live a life of love, just as Christ loved us - Notice it doesn't say "live a life of love, except toward the people who make you mad" or "be loving, except for when you need to blow off some steam" or "be loving in one circle of your life and angry in another". It says to love like Christ loves. The end. We'll never be as perfect as Christ, but I could certainly put more effort into loving like he does. Consistently, completely, and sacrificially - that's what was written in the margin of my Bible.

And gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God - Giving yourself up, offering your life to God, sacrificing your will for his. That sounds beautiful and poetic, doesn't it? But it's hard. So stinkin' hard. It's like what Judy said about yielding ourselves out of love. If I can't yield myself and let go of my anger out of love for my family, then I need to do it out of love for God. Because he loves me, despite all my flaws. Because he loves my family, even when I'm in a funk and upset with every. little. thing. they don't do my way. Because he told me to.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm going to choose to shift my focus, even if I have to shift it 5.729 million times a day. I'm going to choose not to wallow in the justification for my anger. I'm going to choose to strive for kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and love. I'm going to choose to imitate God in the same way our kids imitate us. I'm going to choose to get rid of all anger. I'm going to choose to apologize and keep moving forward when I blow it.

And I'm going to tape some verses around my house, which I didn't do on Sunday when Carol and Mindy suggested it. Better late than never. Right?

FOOD & FINANCES

I just wanted to give a little update on how things are going at our place.

Let's talk about food first.  October is our last month of a regular income and we have no idea how things are going to work out next month, so we've been trying to stretch our money as far as we can. 

One friend sent me a note about a month ago and said she would be giving us two dozen eggs a week.  Another friend had to change the way she eats and gave us a bunch of food from her pantry and freezer that she no longer eats.  Another friend gave us lots of formula samples her baby didn't need and items from her freezer.  One lady, just an acquaintance who doesn't know about Tim's job situation, gave us several formula samples from her place of employment.  Two different friends have given us produce from their gardens and fruit trees.  Another friend offered to let us raid their pantry for dried goods. Someone, knowing I'm hanging out with friends later this month and that the visit always includes a meal at Red Robin, gave me a Red Robin gift card, which means my plan to pack a lunch is no longer necessary.  I'm so grateful for everyone's generosity!

Tim had an appointment at DHS yesterday and came home with food stamps.  It's a bittersweet thing to have that card.  It's a bummer to be in a place where you can't afford to feed your family, but it's a blessing to have access to the system you've paid into and to know how all of your food needs will be taken care of. 

As a sidenote, I've been meaning to do a post about grocery shopping, budgeting, and what I've learned since we made some shopping changes in the spring.  The fact that our grocery budget just doubled may be the kick in the pants I needed to get that post up.  I'll try and do it before the week is over.

Now about finances.  As I already mentioned, this is our last month of a regular income and we're not sure how everything is going to play out as November rolls around.  Some moments I'm angry and stressed.  Other moments I think about the following passage and am simply thankful that we have what we need in that particular moment.

Proverbs 30:7-8  Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die:  Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.  Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’  Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

We all appreciate the security of a steady paycheck, but I need to choose to be thankful for the fact we have enough food for the week on Sunday morning or enough food for breakfast when it's breakfast time and not dwell on what we're eating next month or for the next meal.  I need to be thankful for my daily bread.  Daily.

Tim has subbed three days since the school year started, did a few days of work for a friend, and has one TSFL client.  While I'm very thankful for that bit of work, it's clearly not enough. 

He has applied for a school job that closed yesterday.  The pros?  It's full-time, steady work.  The cons?  It pays about half of what he normally makes.  Honestly, I'd rather have a low-paying steady job than a higher paying work that comes in sporadically.  Steady numbers are easier to work with and we could figure out what to cut from our budget and/or how much extra work to pick up somewhere else. 

He's also applied for another school job, a month-long PE sub job, that closes at the end of next week.  The pros?  He'd make his normal salary for that month and would have short-term steady work.  The cons?  We'd be right back in unemployment once Christmas break rolled around. 

He's also talking to someone about a non-school job and we'll see how that works out. 

So, that's where things are at.  I'll be sure to keep you posted on the job situation if and when anything changes!

9/26/12 FORMING FAMILIES - WHERE MY HEART IS

As many of you know, we have wanted to foster or adopt for a long time, but, for various reasons, the timing has never been right.  It's hard for me.  Really hard.  It's discouraging to have your heart be so strongly drawn to something that you think about it every day, yet never feel the peace of knowing it's time to take the plunge. 

I've wondered why God would give me such a strong desire for years and years and years, while never having it work out.  I realize my life's not over and it could very well be that we'll foster or adopt at some point down the road.  But maybe not.  Maybe it will always be an unfulfilled desire.  I don't know.

What I do know is this.  There are countless children in need of a family, whether for a weekend, a year, a decade, or forever.

Now, let me step back for a minute.  Several months ago, Tad, one of our church's associate pastors, was teaching from I Chronicles 17 and I've been thinking about his words ever since. 

In I Chronicles 17 David expresses a desire to build a temple for the ark of the covenant.  Pretty noble desire, don't you think?  Yet God makes it very clear that David is not the person for the job. 

David could have thrown a real fit about that, pointing out that he was only trying to do the right thing.  He could have become bitter, angry that his desire to do something good was never going to be fulfilled.  He could have found a way to build the temple anyway, doing the right thing at the wrong time.  However, as I always say, the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. 

He didn't do any of those things, though.  Instead he expressed thanks for the ways God was blessing him, he praised and showed reverence for the things he'd seen God do, and he showed trust in God's words. 

Then, if you skip ahead to I Chronicles 22, you'll see that he got busy.  While he accepted that he was not the person to build the temple, he did not let that stop him from having the good desire of a temple being built get put into action.  David used his administrative abilities to coordinate building efforts, his financial means to provide supplies, and his words to challenge and encourage his son, the man who would build the temple. 

Here are a couple things I wrote in my notes that day.

* It's not bad when God says "no" to our good desires.  Sometimes our passions don't come to fruition.

* We may not be able to do the thing we desire, but we can still support those who can do it.

* If God says "no" to the desires of our heart, then we need to accept that.  Holding on and insisting that we get to pursue that dream is just fighting God.  Letting go, however, frees up to do whatever God has ready for us.

* What would happen if we were all willing to do what we were able to do?

Wow.

I sat through the whole teaching feeling like I had a big target on my forehead.  Know that feeling? 

That brings me to today.  I don't feel like I've heard a "no" about fostering or adopting, but I certainly haven't heard a "yes".  So, we wait.  But I don't want to turn the lack of a "yes" into walking away from the fact that there are so many children in need of a family.  Or, as a Christian, to ignore the fact that I (and you, if you're a Christian) am called to care for orphans (and I consider foster kids to be temporary orphans).

So, what do I do?  Sometimes I deliver meals to families who have just brought their adopted child home.  Sometimes I host baby showers for adoptive families.  Sometimes I participate in fundraisers for adoptive families.  Sometimes I donate clothes to foster families.

Today I'm going to start doing something else.  I'm going to help make you aware of children in need of families, families in need of financial support, organizations that support adoption, etc. through periodic blog posts.

Some people have a desire to adopt, but lack the money to complete the process.  Others have the money, but don't have the ability to add to their family in that way.  Some have the means and ability, but are naive about the need.  Others have a desire, but lack non-monetary resources, such as nearby medical care for special needs children.  Some have the money, desire, and ability, but would need respite care.  The list goes on, but you get the idea.

Today, for the first post, I'm going to show you a neat video about a friend of mine, a video that was posted yesterday morning.

***  I tried to embed the video, but it's not working.  So, for now, I'll just link you to it.  It's only a couple minutes long and I encourage you to watch it.  ***

Want to know something awesome?  Their adoption was fully funded 25 hours after this video was posted.  Fully funded!  That's what I'm talking about, folks.  Families being formed because one family wanted to  grow through adoption, one person used their skills to make a video, and several people had the means to help with the finances.  Not everyone could bring Tara's child home, but many were able to use their skills and resources to help those who were right for the job.  I love it!

THE PEACEMAKER #3

This is the third and final post about a book I recently read called The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict.   

Now let's tackle the last of the quotes that stood out to me.  The last part of the book talks a lot about forgiveness and was the most challenging part of the book for me.  Well, maybe it was a tie with the parts about choosing not to think on the negatives about the person or situation or to speak things that aren't conducive to reconciling.  I definitely have some room for growth in those areas!

p. 186, A general principle taught in Matthew 18 is that we should try to keep the circle of people involved in a conflict as small as possible for as long as possible.  If we can resolve a dispute personally and privately, we should do so.  But if we cannot settle matters on our own, we should seek help from other people, expanding the circle only as much as necessary to bring about repentance and reconciliation.

p. 202, (a discussion with a man whose wife had cheated on him) "Rick, imagine that you had just confessed a serious sin to God, and for the first time in your life he spoke to you audibly: 'I forgive you, Rick, but I can't ever be close to you again."  How would you feel?"

After an awkward pause, he replied, "I guess I'd feel like God hadn't really forgiven me."

"But isn't that the way you're forgiving Pam?" I asked.

Rick looked at the floor, wrestling for an answer.

In a softer voice, I continued, "Imagine instead that God said, 'Rick, I forgive you.  I promise never to think about your sin again or to dwell on it or brood over it.  I promise never to bring it up and use it against you.  I promise not to talk to others about it.  And I promise not to let this sin stand between us or hinder our relationship.'"

(Please note that this couple was reconciled, though they went through extensive counseling to deal with the core of their marital problems.  Rick telling Pam he forgave her in the way described here was simply the first step toward that reconciliation.  I mention that just to make sure no one thinks the author was implying that genuine forgiveness is all that's necessary for a couple to work through an affair. )

p. 204, Perhaps you have said or thought the same thing Rick said to his wife: "I forgive you - I just can't be close to you again."  Think of this statement in light of the prayer you have prayed many times, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" (Matt. 6:12).  What would happen if God forgave you in exactly the same way you are forgiving others at this time? / Like Rick, you probably wouldn't feel forgiven.

p. 208, As someone once said, "Unforgiveness is the poison we drink, hoping others will die."

p. 209, This is exactly what we must do if we are to forgive as the Lord forgives us: We must release the person who has wronged us from the penalty of being separated from us.  We must not hold wrongs against others, not think about the wrongs, and not punish others for them.  Therefore, forgiveness may be described as a decision to make four promises.

* I will not dwell on this incident.
* I will not bring this incident up again and use it against you.
* I will not talk to others about this incident.
* I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.

p. 215, We may also withhold forgiveness because we want a guarantee that such an offense will never occur again.  These attitudes and expectations are utterly inconsistent with the command to forgive as God forgave us.  / Furthermore, just as God demands no guarantee from us regarding our future conduct, we have no right to make such a demand of others. / Forgiveness is based on repentance, not on guarantees.  Therefore, once someone has expressed repentance for an action, we have no right to let our fears of the future delay forgiveness today.

p. 217, We take God's forgiveness for granted, while we stubbornly withhold our forgiveness from others.  In effect, we behave as though others' sins against us are more serious than our sins against God.

p. 219, Although reconciliation can sometimes take place with little or no special effort, in most cases you will need to remember the saying, "If you are coasting, you must be going downhill."  In other words, unless a deliberate effort is made to restore and strengthen a relationship, it will generally deteriorate. 

p. 221, It is very difficult to simply stop thinking about an unpleasant experience.  Instead, we must replace negative thoughts and memories with positive ones.  This principle is especially helpful when trying to keep the first promise of forgiveness. Every time you begin to dwell on or brood over what someone has done, ask for God's help and deliberately pray for that person or think of something about the offender that is "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy."  At first you may struggle to come up with even one positive thought, but after you find one good thought or memory, others should come more easily.  If you cannot think of a single good thing about the person you are trying to forgive, then use thankful thoughts about God and his work in this situation to replace unpleasant memories (see Phil. 4:4-7).

p. 249, The more intense a dispute becomes, the more important it is to control your tongue (Rom. 12:14).  When you are involved in a prolonged conflict, you may be sorely tempted to indulge in gossip, slander, and reckless words, especially if your opponent is saying reckless things about you.  But if you react with harsh words or gossip, you will only make matters worse.  Even if your opponent speaks maliciously against you or to you, do not respond in kind.  Instead, make every effort to breathe grace by saying only what is both true and helpful, speaking well of your opponent whenever possible, and using kinds and gracious language.  As Peter wrote, "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (I Peter 3:9, 1 Cor 4:12-13).


Update: If you would like to read all three posts about this book, then here are the links.  One.  Two.  Three.