SUMMER DAY ON THE WATER

I didn't get pictures of each W, but we all had the opportunity to spend a beautiful day outside with friends. Summer sky on the road to our destination.

This girl's a goofball.

About to go for a ride.

These two spent hours like this - swapping seats, taking turns rowing, and staying nearby when the other wanted to hop in the water for a while.

These gals had a great time sitting, standing, and swimming in and on the water together. So much laughter!

The littlest W sure doesn't look very little when he's not with the sibs.

Blue. Green. And one little W as a floating speck near the opposite shore.

More blue. More green. One husband casting a line on the left.

I asked Devon to stop so I could get a picture of the moon.

Drove another 50 feet and saw this. Should have had him stop again, but took this shot on the move.

BOOKS I FINISHED - AUGUST 2020

*****

Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life, written by Emily P. Freeman

This book is an excellent reminder that I don't have to prove my worth to God, that I can have peace in being who he's made me to be when I'm resting securely in his love for me. Whether it's being a stereotypical firstborn, a default of my personality, or just human nature, things like resting (mentally, if not physically) and having peace are hard for me to come by. I love Freeman's encouragement to set down whatever masks we're putting on to get through life and simply trust Jesus, as well as her down-to-earth, vulnerable style of writing.

p. 13, I taught people around me that I had no needs and then was secretly angry with them for believing me. 

p. 22, There is someone you want to be, and she isn't a hiding, mask-wearing, fear-filled woman. Worry is a thief, Fear is a liar, and Anxiety is their trembling, furrow-browed baby. < snip > Worry robs me of the peace I know is available. Fear lies and says there is no peace at all. And their immature, screaming baby Anxiety keeps me up at night with her unrelenting cries of what if? and what now? and what will they think?

p. 26, This innate desire to be good indeed protected me from a lot of heartache and baggage. It protected me from teenage pregnancy and bad grades and jail. But it did not bring me any greater understanding of God. It did not protect me from my own impossible expectations.

p. 32, When we believe that God expects us to try hard to become who Jesus wants us to be, we will live in that blurry, frustrating land of Should Be rather than trust in The One Who Is. We will do whatever we believe it takes to please God rather than receive the acceptance that has already been given. We will perform to live up to what we believe his expectation is of us rather than expectantly wait on him.

p. 48, He wasn't working to maintain a good reputation. He was walking in dependence on his Father. Jesus didn't value what people thought; he valued people, period. 

p. 63, With that, I reveal what I truly believe about God and service and my own role in his story. I see myself as irreplaceable when I think that the work won't get done unless I do it. Instead of looking to him to provide what is needed, Martha rolled up her sleeves and took on responsibility for things that may never have been meant for her. 

p. 65, So serve. By all means, serve. But don't do it from behind a martyr's mask of duty or self-righteous obligation. By faith, believe that you are free to do it from a place of total and complete acceptance by the only One who is extraordinary.

p. 95, I have missed out on a lot of freedom because of my fear of rejection. We may call it "people-pleasing," but it is entirely self-serving because it is really all about keeping myself comfortable. Boiled down, it could be more accurately called "me pleasing."

p. 100, Since when does the awesomeness of my testimony depend on the extremity of my rebellion?

p. 105, It was important for me to get to a place where I saw myself as a prodigal, because the weak recognize their need so much more quickly than the strong.

p. 106, (referencing Luke 15:11-32, specifically verse 31) All that is mine is yours. We already have the love and acceptance of our Father, so why do we try so hard to earn it?

p. 112, Satan did two things in the Garden that are vital to understand as we begin the process of letting go of our girl-made hiding places. First, he convinced Eve she had to do something in order to be something: If you eat the fruit, then you will be like God. Sound familiar? 

< snip >

The second thing Satan did in the Garden is a little trickier, something many people go their whole lives without noticing. 

< snip >

Satan told the woman, "You will be like God" (Gen. 3:5). But God had already covered that. In Genesis 1:27, God made man and woman in his own image. So what does that mean?

It means they already were like God, make in his likeness, bearing his image. Satan was promising something to them that God had already graciously and lovingly provided. Satan convinced them to forget God's gift and try to work for it instead. 

p. 116, Mercy protects. Grace provides.

p. 125 (quoting her counselor, who I believe to be Steve Lynam, based on later parts of the book), "You're not this way. This may be how you cope, but this is not who you are." 

p. 137, When you let go of those things you have let define you all your life, you will not be left with nothing. The story of redemption and healing is that Jesus came to exchange my not-good-enough with his better-than-I-could-ever-imagine. He came to trade my life for his, my weak for his strong, my ashes for his beauty. He longs for us to receive the gift of himself.

p. 138, Are you trying to be who Jesus wants you to be? Or do you trust him to bring out who he has already created you to be? It is vital to recognize the difference between these two questions because one leads to death, the other to life. 

p. 138, I had an inaccurate idea of the fruit of the Spirit. Rather than a checklist of things we are to work on, the Galatians 5:22-23 list is a beautiful description of a Person who lives in us: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." 

< snip > 

Only Jesus can be like Jesus. And he wants me to trust him to be who he is in and through me. "If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit" (Gal 5:25). We received him by faith for salvation, and now we can walk in him by faith just the same. 

p. 141, While I never regretted sitting down and reading my Bible or making myself pray through a list of people, I was often left feeling as though I had accomplished something rather than related with someone. Jesus does not have bullet points. I cannot check him off. But that is what I tried to do.

p. 143, The confident, strong, independent woman I thought I would one day become had disappeared like a vapor, and in her place stood my relevant Jesus, waiting with a smile to be the strength I didn't have on my own. 

p. 144, We have a Creator who knows about the swing. He set it into motion. He is not afraid of our life states. They don't hinder him. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love. He offers us a new place to hide. 

p. 144. We are not called to be strong women. Oh, how that sentence makes me bristle. I want to be strong, independent, and capable. 

p. 147 & 148, There is no room for rest, for still, for quiet. The words repeat like a drumbeat in the background. 

Do. Act. Work. Produce.

< snip >

In a day that seems impossibly packed to overflowing with the list, he can multiply time and space like loaves and fishes beside the sea. And the gentle rhythm of truth rises from within. 

Be. Trust. Receive. Respond.

p. 149, Quiet time is no longer something I do. Rather, it is a description of what happens when I am with God. Time can be a loud, chaotic, rushing-around companion. But as I sit in the presence of God, he quiets my time. 

p. 156, When we depend on Jesus, when we know we can't but he can, we worship. It is so much bigger than we let it be. When we let peace rule, we worship. When we let his Word dwell richly within us, we worship. When we receive the gift in life, both small and big, as from his hand, we offer worship. 

p. 170, As good girls, it is generally easy to resist the big stuff. The challenge comes in the everyday, living-life things. When the truth doesn't feel true is when we begin to believe it isn't. Satan's biggest, most effective weapon against good girls may not be lust or slander or adultery or addiction. It is forgetfulness. 

p. 173, Healing is messy and fluid and often unpredictable. I can't manufacture my own healing. It usually takes longer than I think, runs deeper than I wished, and involves more areas of my life than I ever imagined. But once I come through it on the other side, healing not only offers the closure I thought I wanted, it comes with a wholeness, wellness, and restoration that closure lacks. 

p. 187 (quoting Presten Gillham),  "Worry and fear are simply the belief that I have gotten myself into a place where God is not."

p. 191, Refusing to forgive is ugly. In fact, it could be the number one thing that keeps people from living free. 

p. 192, To admit that the offense hurts is necessary to our healing. To feel the pain caused by the failure of others is honest and human and okay. I do not know the extent to which someone else has hurt you. I do not know how deeply their failure has affected you. But I do know this: you will never be more free than when you let go of your right to be the good one.

< snip >

Please understand what I am saying. I am not saying we are to forget the pain caused by the sin of those around us. I am not saying we are to be doormats. I am saying we are to depend on Jesus, period. You don't have to protect yourself. If you continue to put your own insatiable desire to be right and heard and understood as the central hub on the wheel of your life, you will forever be going nowhere, and you may never be free. 

p. 207, To accept the lovely, the messy, and the unexpected things in our days, knowing that God sees them and has an eternal perspective, is to say with confidence I receive your timing. I accept that you know so I don't have to. Even when it all goes wrong. 

p. 214, In that moment, in the middle of all that mess, I had a fleeting initially unwelcome thought: What is the truth here? 

In the midst of wallowing emotions, this question is not one I feel like considering. It takes practice, purpose, and faith. But this question will be the bridge for you between the lie and the truth. If you do not stop to answer this question, you will live in default  mode. You life will be a series of earthly, predictable reactions to people and circumstances. You will either hide behind your mask in fear or rip it off in rebellion, anger, and bitterness at the world you have allowed to spin crazy around you. 

Sidenote: This syncs up with four questions she encourages us to ask ourselves when we feel compelled to protect ourselves in unhealthy ways. 

What is the truth? (Spirit) 

What will you believe? (Mind)

What will you do? (Will)
Will you give up the right to feel as if God's truth is true (Emotions)

p. 215, Don't deny the feelings, but realize it takes no faith to stay in the feelings. They are like the screen saver that comes up when the computer is inactive. It is the automatic response, the natural response. You cannot set your mind on two things at once. Thoughts may come fast and furious, but they only come one at a time. Feelings generally follow what our minds are set on. We get to choose. 

*****

I Was Just Wondering, written by Philip Yancey

I think Yancey is very relatable and enjoyed this collection of some essays he's written (as well as every other book of his I've read), each springing from a list of questions about life and faith.

p. 49, Judgment without love makes enemies, not converts. 

p. 86, Yet, strangely enough, the peaks of success and earthly power also mark the peaks of intolerance and religious cruelty, those stains in church history we are most ashamed of today. 

p. 86, Regardless of the merits of a given issue - whether a prolife lobby out of the Right or environmental lobby out of the Left - political movements risk pulling onto themselves the cloak of power that smothers love. A movement by nature draws lines, makes distinctions, delivers judgments; in contrast, love erases lines, overcomes distinctions, and dispenses grace. 

p. 92, Maybe one problem underlying the scandals of Christian superstars is that we distort the kingdom of God by training our spotlight not on the servants, but on the stars. 

p. 157, After two weeks of reading the entire Bible, I came away with the strong sense that God doesn't care so much about being analyzed. Mainly - like any parent, like any lover - he wants to be loved. 

p. 172, Have you ever thought about how heavily our Gross National Product depends on romantic love?

p. 178, The Bible supports the general principle that "a man reaps what he sows," even in this life (see Pss.1:3; 37:25). But other people have no right to apply that general principle to a particular person.

*****

Miss Agnes and the Ginger Tom, written by Kirpatrick Hill

I didn't know The Year of Miss Agnes, which is one of my favorite school books, had a sequel until a recent Facebook discussion, then it unexpectedly showed up at my door one day as a gift from a friend. Another sweet story that serves as a reminder to meet people where they're at, focus on people's strengths, and support each other.

p. 43, Miss Agnes always said something was hard. All our other teachers used to tell us things were easy. And then we'd feel bad if we had a hard time learning it. When Miss Agnes said it was hard it would be hard at first like she said but we wouldn't feel bad because she told us it would be. Hard. And then it would get easy and we'd feel really proud because we'd learned another hard thing. 

p. 93, She said you didn't have to know everything, because no one could do that. You just had to know how to find the answers. 

That was what school was for, she said, to teach you to ask questions. And then teach you how to find the answers. And when you knew how, you could teach yourself all your life. 

*****

Philippians: Christ, the Source of Joy and Strength, written by John MacArthur

Philippians has much to say about our relationship with Jesus and with others, what we do with our resources, and the attitudes we have in various circumstances. This twelve chapter Bible study reinforced for me the importance of three things - what we choose to let our mind dwell on, caring for others in practical ways, and contentment that doesn't hinge on what's going on in our lives. 

*****

The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row, written by Anthony Ray Hinton with Lara Love Hardin

Hinton, who spent three decades incarcerated as an innocent man, gives an insider's look at death row, as well as providing inspiration to make the most of whatever circumstances we may find ourselves in. His is a story of hope and despair, loyalty and betrayal, and an opportunity for all of us, no matter what we may believe about the death penalty, to view it from the perspective of someone with more firsthand knowledge of it than most will ever have.

p. 81, When no one believes a word you say, the best thing to do is stop talking.

p. 115, I didn't want to make him feel bad for making me feel bad. That's what real friendship is about. Or any relationship, for that matter. You wanted the other person's happiness as much as, or more, than your own. 

p. 115, I was on death row not by my own choice, but I had made the choice to spend the last three years thinking about killing McGregor and thinking about killing myself. Despair was was a choice. Hatred was a choice. Anger was a choice. I still had choices, and that knowledge rocked me. I may not have had as many as Lester had, but I still had some choices. I could choose to give up or to hang on. Hope was a choice. Faith was a choice. And more than anything else, love was a choice. Compassion was a choice.

p. 117, I was born with the same gift from God we are all born with - the impulse to reach out and lessen the suffering of another human being. It was a gift, and we each had a choice wither to use this gift or not. 

p. 185, I wasn't surprised that the State was doing its best to keep me locked away and quiet. It was what the court had done from the beginning. It was still a lynching. It was taking decades to get the noose wrapped just right. I also wasn't naive. The State was unwilling to admit it had made a mistake. Alabama would rather stay wrong than admit that it had been wrong; rather accept injustice than admit it had been unjust. 

p. 241, Every single of one of us wants to matter. We want our lives and our stories and the choices we made or didn't make to matter. 

Death row taught me that it all matters. 

How we live matters.

Do we choose to love or do we choose to hate? Do we help or do we harm?

Because there's no way to k now the exact second your life changes forever. You can only begin to know that moment by looking in the rearview mirror.

And trust me when I tell you that you never, ever see it coming. 

p. 243 (speaking of a list of every person on death row in March 2017) Read their names. My name was once on this list. Just another name in a long list of names. Another person deemed irredeemable. The worst kind of cold-blooded killer that ever walked this earth. 

Only it wasn't true. 

p. 243, (speaking of the fact that statistically, one of out every ten people on death row are innocent) If only out of every ten planes crashed, we would stop all flights until we figured out what was broken. Our system is broken, and it's time we put a stop to the death penalty. 

p. 244, The death penalty is broken, and you are either part of the Death Squad or you are banging on the bars. 

Choose.

p. 255, Remember none of us are the worst thing we have done, and the right now, wherever you are, whoever you are, you can reach out to your fellow man or woman and bring your own light to the dark places. 

*****

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DINNER & DESSERT

It's been a while since we've gone somewhere together, so last night Tim and I headed out on a somewhat spontaneous dinner date. Our food wasn't anything to write home about, so we made an impulsive ice cream stop to make up for it. The ice cream was free and we walked while we ate it, so it wasn't entirely irresponsible.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful my name twin had her third miracle baby this week. What's something that you're thankful for?

A KIND GESTURE

Adulthood's overrated. That means I've had a whole bunch of snark and rant inside me all day long.

The kids and I had an appointment for three of them to get their birthday month pictures taken today. I was frustrated because the June kids couldn't get theirs done on time because of C19 closures, the belated appointments were canceled because the location we go to is permanently closing, then we had to wait until the end of August to get in at another location. Finally picked a time that worked for everyone, including the August kid, then one kid ended up with a scheduling conflict, which meant moving the appointment to this afternoon, hitting the worst afternoon traffic, which I sat in as a not-so-relaxed passenger.

Basically, the appointment was the icing on the cake of a royally bad mood and super low tolerance for humanity.

I asked Lori, the employee who checked us in, if Tina was working there. Tina's done most of our kid and family pictures for the last 8-9 years at the closed location, so I knew it was possible she'd transferred. I told the gal it wasn't my favorite day, but that I'd mentioned to the little Ws on our way inside that I would be thrilled to walk in and see Tina there because of how long she's photographed our family. No such luck. She's not working there. Loris said she's been Tina's friend and co-worker for over 20 years, so she understood why we were hoping to see her.

We moved on. The summer birthday kids all got their pictures taken and I chose the ones to purchase. As I turned toward the counter to pay, Lori walked out of a back room with her phone extended and said, "Bethany, I have a surprise for you."

She had Tina on the screen!!

It makes me tear up to type that out now, but in the moment I was just super excited. Tina's photographed countless families over the years, so although she's familiar with our family, it's not like we're super close to her. But on our end, she's documented a lot of years of W life. We think she's great!

Seeing Tina's smile and hearing her laugh is a treat any day, but especially today. The kindness that Lori showed in letting us connect with her, in telling me she hoped the brief conversation made my rough day a little better, was awesome. And the fact they were professional the whole time (maintaining social distancing, no other customers around), while providing what I would call phenomenal customer service was just a bonus.

I'm still feeling pretty snarky and ranty, but that little snippet of my day was a gift. I'm grateful.

SUMMER FUN WITH MY HUDS BUDS

I love, love, love having my Huds buds living close enough to see each other! It was fun to spend a couple days with this awesome crew.

Sometimes kids just need to be wheelbarrows. Right? 

We decided to try double wheelbarrows and it was a total failure. So funny! Also funny? That truck driver in the background was so distracted by our nonsense that he nearly caused a crash. Even funnier? The kids teaming up to turn Aunt Bethany into a wheelbarrow. 

It was time to head inside, so he donned his magnifying goggles to inspect the grass and make sure we'd picked everything up.

I love being Aunt Bethany to Ella and Garrett. Sometimes it means wearing princess stickers and firefighter hats at the same time. 

Garrett made this bird, named it after me, then gave it to  me. Please note the tailfeathers can sting people. Watch out!

Did you know there's a milk chocolate edition of Candy Land? Neither did I until Sonja busted this thing out! 

Baths. Jams. Fun game. Chocolate. Life doesn't get much better for these two!

Evidently a key component to happy living is to begin the day by bouncing on punch balloons. I mean, look at those smiles!

Garrett and Ella wanted to show me their masks. 

And they wanted to goof off with their masks. 

This little gal's so pretty!

This little guy's so handsome!

A neighbor brought over lollipops for the kids. Score!

Sonja and I have been friends for 25 years this fall. I can't believe it! We hit a rough patch in the early years, but an important woman in our lives intervened and basically walked us through getting things worked out. I'm so grateful for that because this is one of my most treasured friendships all these years later.

Sonja is courageous, works hard, and is good at all things creative and crafty. I can trust her with vulnerable or challenging parts of my life, knowing that she'll neither side with me simply out of loyalty or think less of me (or anyone else who may be involved) for my honesty. She loves the family she came from and the one she created, thinks red is the greatest color, and always manages to find awesome bargains.

I'm so thankful to be Sonja's friend! Spending the weekend with her is fantastic.

I may not be the most girly person on the planet, but Ella doesn't know that. When she asks me to French braid her hair, I'm on it!

When the little Ws were younger (and even sometimes now that they're older), we'd play I Spy while we waited in line. It's a great way to kill time and keep everyone in one spot, so I had this crew play with me while we waited for The Sparrow Bakery to open.

Sonja's told me about ocean rolls before, but she treated me to my first one before we all headed to a park this morning. Delicious!

Reading a book before naps.

Ella and I accidentally fell asleep on the couch yesterday as we read our own books during down time, so Garrett wanted to take a nap with "Aunt Beffany" today. Deal! We hunkered down on opposite ends and he was out in no time flat.

Cuteness!

Our afternoon adventure was visiting The Reptile Zone, a shop I'd noticed when we drove by yesterday. The kids loved it!

Our final stop was to buy flowers for Sonja to make her porch pretty with. Full disclosure - I wanted a picture of my friend doing something for herself, something that isn't about work or parenting. So I made the kids get out of the frame before I took the picture.  The moment wasn't as serene as it looks, but such is life. And her porch looks nice!

 

Such a fun weekend!

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful I went on a walk during a point of tension yesterday. Not only did it temporarily keep things from escalating, but I ended up stopping to chat for a while with a man a couple doors down, then spending probably twenty minutes walking, chatting, and exchanging phone numbers with another woman who was also out for a walk. What's something you're thankful for?

DAD'S 70TH BIRTHDAY BASH & SOME FAMILY TIME

Dad's 70th birthday party was canceled in April because of C19, so some of our family got together over the weekend for a 70 1/3 birthday celebration for him. Beep made this neat party banner from a list she and I compiled back in the spring of things that remind us of him.

Half of Dad and Debra's grandkids.

Josh and Tim, two guys who married into the Perkins family.

Silas and Papa played some guitar together.

Cousin time! Makiah and Naomi hadn't seen each other in four years.

Dad and Debra, the birthday boy and his bride. 

Ashley and I chatted and shared some laughs.

Someone asked if Dad was going to give a "seventy years of wisdom" speech. Instead, he suggested we read things off the party banner and he'd share relevant comments or stories. It was a great idea! I think everyone heard at least one thing they hadn't known before.

I'm thankful for a dad who's committed to Jesus, has made each of his marriages a priority, loves his kids, invests time in his grandkids' lives, is a hard worker, and has a sense of humor.

All the adults partying in the shade.

Why were we all in the shade? Because the party was cool, but not cold. 

The whole crew, minus Ally because she had to go back to work before the picture was taken.

The celebration ended after we took the group shot, but the Ws stayed the night at my sister's and our families hung out together. Tyler and Devon spent more time cooling off in the pool.

Meanwhile, Tim experienced envy as he relaxed in the shade.

Neo taught Devon how to make an origami thing that I don't know the name for.

Just some boys.

The first thing we did upon our arrival, before Dad's party even started, was have every guy at least 16 and younger than 70 unload the piano we'd brought down the night before.

It's Mom's piano, which Beep inherited almost 30 years ago. However, she's lived out of the country most of her adulthood and it's been in a few different homes over the years. Now it's in her possession again. 

I had to take care of a few things online while Silas and Beep played and sang together. I was lucky to grow up in a home where piano (this specific one) and guitar were always being played and I loved hearing the combo while I worked.

Beep pulled out some music she said might be familiar, then started playing and singing. I sang the little bit I remembered from decades ago. Then I started crying. Totally unexpected!

I can't tell you what prompted it, but the music is soothing, the lyrics are beautiful, and my sister was playing songs from our childhood on our mom's piano. Maybe it was the combination of those things? I don't know.

She invited me to sit with her and sing along. So I did. And cried some more.

I'd handed my phone to Silas so he'd snap a picture for me. Unbeknownst to me, he also did a few little recordings. Sweet ending to the day.

And thus concluded a really full day of time with friends and family. 

We wanted to go to church with Dad the next day, since it was his celebration weekend, but he told us ahead of time he'd be volunteering and not sitting in the main part of the service. So we went to church at Rogue Valley Fellowship with my sister's family instead. Outside. Socially distanced. I'm not one to take pictures at church, but this was momentous because it was our first time attending church in five months.

I forgot to get a picture with Beep at the party, so I had Tim take one as we parted ways after church.

Then we headed home, with a stop at In-N-Out for lunch. It was my first time there and I didn't see what the big deal was, but I've since learned about the secret menu. Now I know.

It was awesome to spend a bunch of time with my family over the weekend and have a belated celebration of Dad's birthday!