PICKY EATERS

There were no picky eaters in the family I grew up in. That's not the case in the family I've created. So, we've had to figure out which battles to fight on the issue.

Ultimately, character is most important to me. I don't really give a rip if my kids are picky - that's their problem. However, it's very important to me that they not be rude. Rudeness becomes everyone else's problem.

There are about three meals I make that we all love equally, but that's fine. Our home is not a restaurant and I'm not here to cater to each person's personal culinary preferences. My job is simply to provide affordable, healthy, tasty meals. If you are hungry, you may eat what I serve, whether or not you like it. If you'd rather give preference to your taste buds over your stomach, then you're welcome to skip the meal and go hungry.

I've shared the following rules with several people over the last few months and thought I'd post them here. The rule is bold and our reasoning follows it.

* If there is something new, you have to try it. You never know what you're going to like, so you'll try everything that is served. I know a lot of people use the term "'no thank you' bite" with their kids, but it drives me batty. It assumes the child won't like the food. The negative implication just bugs me. Plus, we prefer to just cut to the chase when instructing or training rather than using cutesy words or phrases. That's just personal preference though. So, we just say "this is new and you're going to try a bite".

* If you know you don't like something, you don't have to eat it. This does not mean a child who's convinced they won't like a food doesn't have to try it. At our house, this rule is used in only one situation. One of our kids has virtually been a vegetarian since birth. They only like hot dogs (is that really meat?) and sausage. So, we don't make them eat meat in dishes they've tried before, as it's firmly established that they don't like it. However, the first rule trumps this one, so if a new dish includes meat, then they still have to try it.

* You are not allowed to complain about the food you don't like. There is absolutely no reason to volunteer the fact that you don't like what was served to you. It's rude, plain and simple.

* If I ask whether or not you like a new food, one that you don't like, then you may say "it's not my favorite". While I don't want my kids to be rude, I also don't want them to lie. They are never allowed to complain about a food, but I generally ask them what they think of a new recipe. I wanted them to have a polite and honest way of answering my question if they really didn't like what I made. This also works well in settings where someone else has cooked for them and asked if they liked it, perhaps at a friend's house.

* You serve your own portions (starting at 3yo) and eat what you serve. The kids have to learn portion control anyway and there will be no complaining about what's on your plate if you put it there in the first place. For ages under 3 we serve small portions. They can always have more, but they're less likely to end up with leftovers if we dole out a little at a time.

* If you choose not to eat what was served, you will not be allowed to have any snacks before the next meal. The only exception is if you choose to eat leftovers from the meal you skipped. I provide enough food for my family. If my kids choose to turn their nose up at something I've prepared, then there is no way on God's green earth that I'm going to let them choose a more enjoyable snack when they get hungry before the next meal. I just toss their uneaten food in the fridge. Sometimes they finish the uneaten food as a snack, other times they wait til the next meal to eat again. It's their choice.

*You may be picky, but you may not be rude. This is the most important one. Character trumps culinary preferences. The end.

3/30/16 UPDATE - I pulled this old post up after reading what Jess had to say about picky eaters and it was interesting to read it several years (and one kid) later. The almost vegetarian no longer skips any meat. They still don't love most of it, but they don't mind it and willingly eat it. Also, we started using a scale of 1-5 for everyone to rate new recipes. That gives everyone a chance to give me useful feedback without being rude if it's something they're not particularly fond of. Other than that,we're still handling food now the same way we were (almost exactly) seven years ago. With kids who are currently 13, 11, 8, and 4, this approach seems to be working out well.