THE PEACEMAKER #2

Ok, let's jump into the second list of quotes.

Actually, I want to give you the chapter titles so that you can see the topics that are covered.  My quotes are more about general ideas than about the specific instruction he gives, but the book walks you through each step toward conflict resolution and has plenty of real life examples from a variety of situations. 

Part 1 - Glorify God
1. Conflict Provides Opportunities
2. Live at Peace
3. Trust in the Lord and Do Good

Part 2 - Get the Log Out of Your Eye
4. Is This Really Worth Fighting Over?
5. Conflict Starts in the Heart
6. Confession Brings Freedom

Part 3 - Gently Restore
7. Just Between the Two of You
8. Speak the Truth in Love
9. Take One or Two Others Along

Part 4 - Go and Be Reconciled
10. Forgive as God Forgave You
11. Look Also to the Interests of Others
12. Overcome Evil with Good

Ok, now I'll hit you with some more quotes I liked.

p. 105, (a list of questions that show where your heart is)
* What am I preoccupied with?  What is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night?
* How would I answer the question: "If only ____, then I would be happy, fulfilled, and secure"?
* What do I want to preserve or to avoid at all costs?
* Where do I put my trust?
* What do I fear?
* When a certain desire is not met, do I feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, or depression?
* Is there something I desire so much that I'm willing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it?

p. 106, (He lashed out at his kids after a rough week of parenting) Instead, I was being ruled by my desire for peace and quiet for the sake of my own comfort and convenience.  I had let a good desire grow into a consuming demand, and I was serving this idol instead of my God.

p. 107, We cross the line, however, when we begin to sinfully judge others, which is characterized by a feeling of superiority, indignation, condemnation, bitterness, or resentment.  Sinful judging often involves speculating on others' motives.  Most of all, it reveals the absence of genuine love and concern toward them.

p. 107-108, Expectations are not inherently bad.  It is good to hope for the best in others, and it is reasonable to anticipate receiving understanding and support from those who are closest to us.

But if we are not careful, these expectations can become conditions and standards that we use to judge others.  Instead of giving people room for independence, disagreement, or failure, we rigidly impose our expectations on them.  In effect, we expect them to give allegiance to our idols. When they refuse to do so, we condemn them in our hearts and with our words, and our conflicts with them take on a heightened intensity.

p. 115, But no matter how good or legitimate a desire may look on the surface, if we have gotten to the point where we cannot be content, fulfilled, or secure unless we have it, that desire has evolved into an idol that has diverted our love and trust from God.

p. 145, As these (he listed John 4:1-8, Matt. 21:33-45, Luke 15, Acts 17:22-31, and Esther 5-7 in the previous paragraph) and many similar passages indicate, we need to let go of the idea that showing someone his fault always requires direct confrontation.  Although that approach will be appropriate in some situations, we should never do it automatically.  Instead, we should ask God to help us discern the most winsome and effective way to approach a particular person at a particular time and to open the way for genuine reconciliation.

p. 165, The year before I began making the latest changes to this book, I realized that I could not consistently weave the gospel into my conversations with others until the gospel was woven deeply into my own heart.  / I began praying for God to give me a major heart change, to make the gospel central to everything I think, say, and do. / Learn to delight in reading about, meditating on, and rejoicing in Jesus' completed work on the cross.

p. 165, Good listening is particularly important for a peacemaker.  It improves your ability to understand others, it shows that you realize you don't have all the answers, and it tells the other person that you value his or her thoughts and opinions.  Even if you cannot agree with everything others say or do, your willingness to listen demonstrates respect and shows that you are trying to understand their perspective.

p. 175, It is not good enough to communicate so that you can be understood.  You should communicate so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood. 

Update: If you would like to read all three posts about this book, then here are the links.  One.  Two.  Three.