OF FACEBOOK POSTS & LIFE LESSONS

I've been thinking about the following Facebook posts a lot lately.

#1 - I can't believe this, but my husband is telling me to deny that we're married. He has to deal with some people he doesn't trust and is afraid they'll treat us better if they don't know we're married than if they do. So his solution is to have me lie. The worst part? He knows the lie could potentially get me into a situation where I'd have to become sexually involved with the other party to keep the lie believable. 

#2 - My neighbor is a songwriter and most of his stuff ends up being sung in churches or performed by various Christian bands. The guy is often depressed, though, and seems to be frequently overwhelmed by the hard stuff going on in his life. A lot of his songs are real downers and I'm afraid it's going to negatively impact his career.

#3 - My wife and I haven't been been able to get pregnant. Her newest solution? Have me sleep with one of the gals who works for her and see if I can have a baby that way. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

#4 - I grew up in a fairly dysfunctional family. Lots of jealousy, resentment, etc. At one point some of my siblings were actually talking about killing me. That obviously didn't happen, but I was basically abandoned by them, then they lied to cover up how they'd treated me. Lots of crazy things happened to me over the years, but now I'm doing well, both personally and professionally. Here's the deal, though. I recently found out my family is having a very hard time making ends meet. I have the means to help them, but I'm not sure if and how to get involved.

#5 - A friend of mine recently had an affair with a local political figure. It was a one night stand, but she got pregnant. Mr. Political Figure freaked out and decided to have one of his underlings try to get my friend's husband killed. Not only did that plan succeed, but then he caught my grieving friend on the rebound and married her.

Truth be told, I haven't actually seen those posts. Facebook is so often used for sharing the details of various personal problems, though, that I can totally imagine those posts existing and I have been thinking about what kind of response they'd get. I've also wondered if there would be any difference in how my Christian and non-Christian friends would respond.

I think the husband in #1 would get called all kinds of names, the wife would be encouraged to cut her losses and leave him in a hurry, and there would be talk of emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and the dangers of controlling spouses. 

I think anti-depressants would be suggested for the guy in #2, whether for the long-term or temporarily.

I think the character of the wife in #3 would get called into question, she'd be harshly criticized, and the husband would be told her willingness to break their vows would give him an out if he wanted to leave her.

I think the guy in #4 would hear a lot about setting healthy boundaries, not enabling bad behavior, and not initiating contact with people who were emotionally abusive, put him in physical danger, and ignored his existence for years.

I think the guy in #5 would get called names, snarky comments would be made about whatever political party he represented, justice would be called for in regards to the murder, and people would want an intervention staged for the friend who is being manipulated and used by the political figure.

Regardless of whether or not all those responses would be appropriate, they'd all be understandable.  Right?

Now consider this.

The husband in #1 is Abraham. (Genesis 12 & 20 ... yep, he did that twice)

The songwriter in #2 is David.  (Psalm)

The wife in #3 is Sarah. (Genesis 16)

The successful man in #4 is Joseph. (Genesis 37-47)

The political figure in #5 is David. (2 Samuel 11)

These people include those in the lineage of Jesus, the author of the verses so many of us turn to when we're discouraged, those who were considered people of great faith, one who was called a man after God's own heart, another who saved a whole nation from starving, and the parents of Solomon, said to be the wisest man who ever lived.   

Now, before anyone gets defensive, let me say that I'm not saying the good things about us justify or excuse the bad. I'm also not pointing fingers at anyone who's sought meds for depression, divorced their spouse, or made really foolish, selfish, and/or dangerous choices. I've had times of struggling with depression to the point of seeking medical attention, our marriage has had seasons where one or both of us have been ready to bail, and there's always some sort of conflict in our families. There are so many factors involved in those types of situations and we'll never fully understand someone else's situation, so I'm not even going to pretend to know what the right thing is for someone else to do.

Here's what I do want, though, the thing I've been doing a lot of lately.  

I want us to consider what we may be sacrificing when we choose to get out of a hard situation. I want us to remember that the people we're inclined to judge, mock, and criticize are people God loves immensely and quite possibly ones he's going to use in huge ways, perhaps using them through the very thing we're so upset with them about. I want us to realize that growing pains are part of growth, that refinement comes through fire, and that the hard things in life can make us better when we choose to not let them make us bitter. I want us to take our responsibilities and commitments seriously. I want us to realize we may never know what amazingly good thing would have come if we'd chosen patience, grace, perseverance, commitment, and/or forgiveness in the midst of a situation no one would have blamed us for getting out of. I want us to remember that one person's side of the story is just that - only their side. I want us to remember that the choices we make today, for better or worse, will change lives for years to come, often in ways we'll never see. I want us to remember that God's grace is so much bigger than what any of us or the people in our lives could ever do wrong. 

Does that mean we turn a blind eye to sin, choose not to seek help when we're struggling, or refuse to stand up for ourselves when we're being mistreated. Of course not. Use the brain God gave you, pray for wisdom in the decisions you need to make, be open to correction, and seek godly counsel when you can no longer think objectively about the situation.

Believe me when I say this post is not intended to be preachy. It's just what God's been trying to get through my thick skull lately, though I confess it's not sinking in as easily or quickly as I'd like it to. 

I'm dealing with a situation right now that's hard. If  I posted my side of the story, then everyone would say my thoughts on the matter are justified and wallow with me in a big pool of self-pity. But the truth is that I need to choose forgiveness and grace over anger and resentment. I need to choose relationships over being right. I need to remember that we don't all learn the same lessons at the same time. I need to believe that something good will come from the things that are hard. I need to remember that my bad attitude is just as bad as anything that anyone else in the situation has done. I need to focus less on what I think others should do and more on how I can learn and grow in this situation.

Easier said than done, isn't it?