TEARS & SMILES

I've been having a hard time lately. It's everything and nothing. It's big things and little things. It's predictable and unpredictable things. It's people and circumstances. It's nothing that I want to talk to anyone about and also want to dump in one big verbal vomit. I have imaginary conversations and I cry. I read my Bible and I work on puzzles. I lose my temper and I withdraw. I pray and I run. There's just a lot weighing on me right now. 

However, the last two days have had some bright spots that made me smile. And cry, because that's how I roll these days. I just want to share the good stuff with all of you.

I've desperately needed to go grocery shopping, but somehow the scheduling has been tricky this week and it hasn't happened. Yesterday I woke all the kids up and told them we had to be out the door by 8:00. We're always out really late for Bible study on Wednesday nights, which makes Thursdays our roughest day of the week, so I had super low expectations for how the outing was going to go. I love grocery shopping and enjoy taking all the little Ws, but a tired group of kids doesn't make for a good shopping trip. 

We ended up having a perfect morning, though. They were ready 15 minutes early, WinCo was pretty empty (love shopping on weekday mornings), we split up into three groups and got our list tackled faster by having people in various parts of the store at the same time, the bulk guy and another worker found two spices I needed in the back of the store and replenished some empty containers, and we met a woman we recognized from church. I don't buy treats for good behavior or impulse shop, but I even bought bagels for everyone at the end because the trip went so well. 

We swung by Franz after WinCo, the kids helped load a bunch of bread in the cart, and the cashier gave them cookies, as per usual. Our final stop was a farm to pick up some frozen blueberries we'd pre-ordered at a bargain price and we met a man we recognized from church there. Last night Devon helped me divide the big box of blueberries into bags for each month of the next year while everyone else got the house whipped into shape.

The day certainly had some rough spots and I cried before it was done, but the morning couldn't have been better, I got to volunteer in the afternoon,and Tim surprised me with some Cherry Garcia. Today has been the same in that I feel emotionally drained, but there have been good things. 

Our homeschool group meets on Fridays and today's planned event got rescheduled, so we decided to meet at a park. I had to swing by the post office first because we'd received a notice on our door while we were out shopping yesterday that we had certified mail from an unknown address waiting for us. I picked it up, tossed it in the car, then headed to the park. I was fighting tears and not wanting to go chit chat with everyone, so I sent the kids out to play and just took a few minutes to pull myself together in the van. Then I opened the certified mail and found this.

Seriously?! Needless to say, I started crying again. I don't know if we'll use it for food, gas, or both, if it will be for regular expenses or something extra, but it was perfect timing. I needed to open it more today than yesterday. Just a reminder that God loves us, that we matter to people, and that God often shows his love through people who are generous with their resources. I wasn't doubting those things, but the tangible proof was exactly what I needed in that moment.

I finally got out of the van and headed toward the park playground. A few minutes later a friend sat down next to me and I started crying about 30 seconds into our conversation. I told her a little of what was on my mind, but she knows the "everything and nothing" mindset enough that I didn't have to articulate all the details in order for her to understand how I was feeling.

I pulled myself together. Again. Then I enjoyed nearly three hours in the sun with a group of women (and a couple men) that I love while our kids played together. I also ran into an acquaintance who works at the school next to the park and was there with some students, so we got to chat for a bit. Our original plan for the morning would have been fine, but I'm so glad that it worked out to just visit, talk about whatever came up. and picnic together. 

We finally headed home so that nappers could nap ... and found this on our doorstep. I just started laughing, which is an improvement from all the crying I've been doing. Regardless of what was inside, the fact that someone left a sneaky blessing at our door was awesome. 

I  opened it up and found this. The little Ws are ecstatic and immediately started figuring out how many gummies each family member could get if we divided the box evenly. We'll call that math for the day.

I'm sure I'll cry again before the day is over because I can feel more tears pent up, but I'm thankful for helpful kids, sunny days, bargain groceries, ice cream, anonymous gifts, good friends, and all the other positive things that happen in the midst of the negative stuff. So thankful!