The last year that she lived near us was hard. She had people who called and wrote to her, but our family was the only thing going on in her daily life. We saw her regularly, but in the trenches of parenting and homeschooling young kids we couldn't see her as much as she wanted us to. The mismatch of needs, desires, and reality caused some stress for both her and I at different times. But I miss being able to send kids over to play Skip-Bo with her, running errands together, and having her join us for dinner.
The last time I saw her was hard. It was awkward for reasons beyond our control, we didn't get the picture with her that we planned on getting, and one of the little Ws wailed Granny's name for over an hour when she left. I will forever regret not getting a family picture with her that day. But I miss seeing her walking through my door in her pink coat to say goodbye, hugging her, and telling her I loved her.
The last three and a half years were hard. I hadn't lived that far away from her since I was a very young child, had lived a few minutes walking to a few hours driving away from her for several years. I resented the fact that I couldn't see her at all and that she never got to meet the little W I was pregnant with when she moved. But I miss being able to keep in touch through writing letters, talking on the phone, and sending pictures.
The last year or two of her life was hard, even though we lived far away from each other. She slowly forgot our names and our phone conversations were the same every time we talked. But I miss the predictable things she'd say, the sound of her voice, the details she remembered about our life even when she couldn't remember our names, and her excitement at getting phone calls.
She was not a perfect grandma and things weren't always sunshine and roses, which is par for the course in any relationship and with every person, but she was a consistent part of my life and regularly demonstrated her love for our family.
I'm thankful that her cornbread recipe I've gotten so many people hooked on got published and I was able to send her a copy of the magazine just a couple months before she died. It reminds me that little things about her will continue to live on long after she's gone. I'm thankful that the little Ws recently requested dump cake, a recipe Granny introduced me to, and that we'll have it for our post-Bible study dessert this week. It reminds me of sitting at her dining table. I'm thankful for the person who, after finding out Granny had died, told me that a blessing in our life from years ago was something Granny had done anonymously. It's proof of her generosity. I'm thankful for the memory of her showing up at our house at lunch and leaving a bag filled with KFC (one of her favorites) for everyone at my front door when I had three little kids and was sprawled on the couch with a raging fever. It reminds me of her thoughtfulness. I'm thankful for the final photo calendar that I was able to send for her last birthday, the one she talked about in every phone call. It reminds me that we mattered to her.
I could go on, but I won't.
I just miss her a lot lately.
4 comments:
Oh, it is so hard.
It is, Kristal. Some days more than others. I've actually felt better since typing up this post, though. I think I needed to just get it out of my head an on paper (or a screen, as the case may be). :)
Sending warm hugs and comfort to you, dear one. What a treasure you had in your life with your close relationship with your Granny. I hope to be a sweet Granny one day.
Oh, you'll be a fantastic grandma when the time comes. :)
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