This was a random pull from the library shelf that I found interesting. The main topic is obviously compulsive behavior, both in general and some specific ones, but Begley also spends some time talking about why there's been an increase in the diagnosis of mental illnesses and the differences between addictions, impulses, and compulsions. Lots of interesting stories and statistics, all cloaked in a desire to better understand others.
p. 13, Venturing inside the heads and the worlds of people who behave compulsively not only shatters the smug superiority many of us feel when confronted with others' extreme behavior. It also reveals elements of shared humanity.
p. 22, Compulsions, in contrast to addictive and impulsive behaviors, are all about avoiding unpleasant outcomes. They are born in anxiety and remain strangers to joy.
p. 29, It isn't hard to meet criteria for one or another DSM diagnosis, especially because the experts who devise the criteria worry more about missing cases than about diagnosing as "mentally ill" people who are not.
p. 172, By keeping the stuff in the eternal realm of near-infinite possibility and rose-colored memory, she never has to confront the reality that some old appliance is of little use, that the newspaper article is not life-transforming, that she will never make another Boy Scout float. Hoarding is all about potential, about keeping actualities at bay.
The Hope Chest: A Novel, written by Viola Shipman
Another random book choice as I browsed the shelves, this is about an elderly couple dealing with the reality that their marriage will be ending sooner than later because of her ALS diagnosis and a young mom who's doing everything she can to simply keep her life afloat. Fairly predictable, but still a sweet story.
Humility, written by Andrew Murray
This was the most recent Skyble study book and I'm glad Beep recommended it. The chapters are short, but weighty, and give the reader plenty to think and pray about concerning what humility is and how it manifests itself in our daily lives. It's incredibly convicting and challenging, but also really encouraging. It's a very short book, but I'd recommend reading just one chapter a week so that you have time to really absorb what each one is saying.
p. 8, Let him consider how all want of love, all indifference to the needs, the feelings, the weakness of others; all sharp and hasty judgments and utterances, so often excused under the plea of being outright and honest; all manifestations of temper and touchiness and irritation; all feelings of bitterness and estrangement, have their root in nothing but pride, that ever seeks itself, and his eyes will be opened to see how a dark, shall I not say a devilish pride, creeps in almost everywhere, the assemblies of the saints not excepted.
p. 13, (referring to Matthew 11:29) Meekness and lowliness the one thing he offers us; in it we shall find perfect rest of soul. Humility is to be a salvation.
p 19, Humility before God is nothing if not proved in humility before men.
p. 28, Being occupied with self, even amid the deepest self-abhorrence, can never free us from self.
p. 36, He prays for humility, at times very earnestly; but in his secret heart he prays more, if not in word, then in wish, to be kept from the very things that will keep him humble.
p. 37, It is indeed blessed, the deep happiness of heaven to be so free from self that whatever is said of us or done to us is lost and swallowed up in the thought that Jesus is all.
p. 37, ... the danger of pride is greater and nearer than we think, and the grace for humility too.
p. 40, The highest glory of the creature is in being only a vessel, to receive and enjoy and show forth the glory of God. It can do this only as it is willing to be nothing in itself, that God may be all. Water always fills first the lowest places. The lower, the emptier a man lies before God, the speedier and the fuller will be the inflow of the diving glory.
p. 41, Lost, swallowed up in Love's immensity!
Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, written by Harriet Lerner, PH.D.
And yet one more random book for the month. It intrigued me because of a specific unresolved conflict where I'd like an apology and probably won't get one, but it also gave me some food for thought when someone unrelated to that particular issue confronted me with a handful of reasons they're unhappy with me (which was fair and necessary) when I was in the middle of the book. It's helping me change my thinking on the former situation and impacted how I responded in the latter.
If you have a pulse, you're going to both hurt others and be hurt by them. It's inevitable. So apologies are just part of life. I didn't fully agree with her ideas about forgiveness, but the book as a whole is great for navigating the waters of giving, receiving, and/or not being offered apologies. There were tons of good quotes, but here are a few.
p. 59, No one is immune to becoming defensive and shutting down when our favored image of our self is challenged.
p. 95, (on dismissing apologies by saying the situation was no big deal or that the apologizing person shouldn't even think about it) If the other person has pushed through his or her discomfort to do the right thing and apologize, we can push through our discomfort and say, "Thanks for the apology." It's important to resist the temptation to cancel the effort at repair that a genuine apology is.
p. 108, (speaking of accepting an apology, even if you're not ready to forgive and/or still need to talk about it more) It can be less a way of saying, "Okay, the past is past and there is no need to revisit it," and more a way of saying that there is still a future in which something other than anger and resentment is possible.
p. 109, We want change but we don't want to change first - a great recipe for relationship failure.
p. 125, We can apologize to someone in thirty seconds, but changing our part in a relationship impasse is a long-distance run that takes endurance, and the capacity to push forward in the face of enormous resistance from within and without. At the same time, the process requires restraint. It asks us to sit still when we feel fired up to speak and act, and to have the wisdom and intuition to know how and when to say what to whom.
p. 126, The substantive changes that give an apology its meaning may occur slowly. It's the direction, not the speed, of travel that matters.
p. 142, Chronic anger and bitterness dissipate our energy and sap our creativity, to say nothing of ruining an otherwise good day.
p. 174, Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized future. What we gain is a life more in the present, where we are not mired in prolonged anger and resentment that doesn't serve us.
KID BOOKS I LIKED
At the Same Moment Around the World, written and illustrated by Clotilde Perrin
This book moves through all the time zones, showing what kids are doing at that moment in each one. We found each location on our map as we read through it.
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