THINGS ON MY MIND (1 OF 3) - HOMESCHOOLING

I've had three big things swirling in my mind for a few months now, so this week I'm just going to do a verbal vomit of that mental churning on my blog. Getting it out of my head and onto paper (or the screen, as the case may be) makes me feel better and often helps me see more clearly what the next step is. So, neither in order of importance nor with any promise of coherent writing, here's what's been on my mind.

We homeschool. We aren't "homeschool or die" and, as evidenced by Tim's employer, don't think public school is the devil. Our policy is "one kid and one year at a time". The early years matter most to me for homeschooling, but I don't really know when I think those early years end. Homeschooling wasn't on Tim's radar before we met, but he's supportive of my desire to do it and has basically left the decision up to me, as I'm the one the responsibility falls on.

These days I don't like homeschooling at all. While it is easier now that Naomi's older, I feel like I'm doing a lot of things ... and none of them well. The boys, who have always done a large part of their work independently, are doing too much on their own lately. I miss doing more of their school with them, but I can't do the ideal amount with each of them and spend time with Naomi.

I seriously considered putting one of our boys in public this year. I know he'd have been fine and it would have given me more time with the other two kids. Of course, like with any change, we'd have exchanged one set of problems and struggles for a new set, but it was worth considering. In the end, the pros didn't outweigh the cons. I'm sure of that, though it could work out differently another year.

We're behind. Only a week or two, but we just can't get caught up. I realize a perk of homeschooling is the ability to set your own schedule, but I really like ending our year when public school does.

We do school all year. Well, we used to do school all year. We did three weeks on, then one week off, with an extra week off in June and December. That morphed into as many days on as we could crank out, then as much time off as we needed. Loved it! Never got burned out. Never felt behind. Had tons of flexibility.

Then we moved. We took a couple weeks off before and after the move, then had a hard time getting back into the swing of things. We managed to finish up the year, but didn't do any school over the summer. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. While it was nice to have that time off, we are suffering through the nine months of the traditional school year.

I. hate. it! Never, never, never again will we take the summer off. It is not worth it for our family. The pressure of getting done mid-June without any extra flexibility weighs on me. Yes, we could bump the year out, but I don't want to. We like starting our new year in July, as doing school during the summer (and we do a more flexible routine then) is much easier when you've got a stack of brand new books. Practically it makes no difference, but mentally it's a lot easier.

Silas, by law, has to be tested before August. On one hand it will be nice to know exactly where he's at academically. On the other hand the fear of failure nags me. I just need to get the test scheduled. Maybe I wouldn't feel so pressured if I knew he was on track. Or I'd discover he has big gaps and feel more pressure. Ugh.

We started off the year combining the boys in everything but math & language arts. I thought that would ease my load, but it just didn't work out logistically. So, they're separated again, which is good. Combining was worth trying and confirmed that being separate was the best option.

We started off the year with a new spelling program. Though many friends love it, it couldn't possibly have been a worse fit for us. Now we have a new program that we really like. Except we rarely get around to doing it.

I do, generally speaking, like homeschooling. I do believe it was the right choice for our family this year. I do think that taking the summer off was absolutely the stupidest homeschooling decision I've ever made.

Homeschooling has become, at least in my mind, something I have to do each day, not something I get to do. Does that mean it's time for a change? Does that mean I need a lesson in perseverance? I don't know.

I know that one of our boys needs to be home for now. I don't know if homeschooling is coming to an end for the other boy. I'm guessing we'll probably give it another year, starting in July so that I'm not chronically behind, and then, as usual, re-evaluate. I'm fairly confident that most of my dissatisfaction with this year is because we're following a traditional school year, so I'd like another shot at going all year. I just don't want to throw in the towel if the problems could be easily solved by getting back on a year round schedule.

We'll see.

Some days I fantasize about putting all the kids in public school and day care, spending an hour of uninterrupted time getting my "to do" list done, taking naps, reading lots of books, meeting Tim for lunch, and going for walks whenever I feel like it. Homeschoolers don't get to do that. True, there are other perks that parents who send their kids to school don't get, but I'm currently battling a case of "the grass is greener". At least I'm aware of the rose-colored glasses I'm wearing and know that neither option is all good or all bad. That must count for something. Right?