I recently received a note from someone who thought I came off as prideful about some of our parenting decisions. It's the first time I've been told that. Could be a fluke. Could be that others think that too, but have never said it. I don't know.
Honestly, I'm pretty sure I've shared enough "I'm going to flip my lid" and "my kids are jumping on my very last nerve" and "I'm at a loss for what to do with this kid" moments both here, other places online, and in normal conversations, that I don't see how I could be perceived as prideful in parenting. I clearly don't have this parenting gig perfected.
However, I also know that tone can be misconstrued online. I know the attitude I have as I'm writing, but I can't control the tone you read into it when it pops up on your screen.
So, let me set the record straight, lest anyone else think I'm prideful about parenting.
First, I'll copy what I wrote in a recent parenting post and also included in my response to the person who wrote to me.
I realize that we all love our kids and that, despite our failures, we're all doing the best we can. I also realize that no two families will make the exact same parenting choices. So, I'm certainly not saying you have to do all the things we do.
Second, I want to distinguish between confidence and pride. Confidence is believing that you're doing the right thing. We're confident about most of our parenting decisions. After all, that's why we've made those decisions. Same with you and your decisions. Are we right? Are we wrong? Time will tell.
Are there situations that we're not confident about? Absolutely! There are parenting issues we face where nothing we do seems to make a difference. There are other situations that creep up and we have to really think through how we're going to deal with them. But generally speaking, we're confident in our parenting decisions.
Pride, on the other hand, is thinking that you're better than someone else. I do not think I'm a better parent than the rest of you. I just don't. Obviously there are going to be some people whose parenting decisions I agree with more than others, but as I said before, I know we all love our kids and are doing the best we can.
So, I apologize for any miscommunication on my part that gave anyone else the impression that I think I'm a better parent than they are.
10 comments:
I never thought that. We all do the best we can and make the decisions we think are right at the time. I look back at some I made, some were right, some I wish I had done differently.
You are right though about people not being able to read the sentiment you mean while you're writing. But, I don't see you coming off as prideful , and you certainly give enough disclaimers to say this is your opinion.
Bethany This is Charlotte Frost. I think you a great example to all of us. You helped me get started when I was preggo with Thomas. A true Woman of God you are and That is something to be proud about :)
Really?!!! I can't even believe that people say the things they do.....especially online. I truly believe that email, blogging, texting etc....are terrible ways to "communicate". ok let me rephrase that. There are terrible inf the fact that you can't read someone's face or hear their voice to really know what the words they typed are saying......
Ok off my soapbox......
I love you and your famikly! You and Tim I gret parents......I have witnessed this from that start..... so I should know!
HA!
You're doing great Bethany.
Jen/mamamoz
I absolutely love reading your thoughts. You are brutally honest in some things I can't imagine admitting! Keep up the good work, we enjoy hearing your parenting experiences!
Thanks ladies!
I respect the opinion of the person who thought I was coming off as prideful, which is why I'm making sure no one else had the same impression they did.
I've never thought you have come across as prideful. I think you explained yourself well here.
:hug:
Maryanne - I know how matter of fact you are too, so I appreciate your comment. :)
I certainly wasn't implying that people should blow off the risk of molestation. We certainly don't send our kids off to a different house for an overnighter each weekend.
At the same time, if you can't trust a single person in your life with your kids for a night, then you need to start hanging out with different people. Know what I mean?
I guess this quote from that post sums it up. "Don't overthink everything. Don't underthink anything."
Honestly your fearful parenting post came off as something to me that didn't set well. Some of us do struggle with fear and we do parent in the way God calls us too. I felt like you were mocking those of who do make decisions based on our children's safety not just that we are fearful.
Anonymous (the 10/1 poster) - I hope that my explanation helped you understand where I was coming from and that you accepted my apology for any miscommunication.
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