PERFECT CHURCHES

There's currently a thread on Sonlight with people asking advice for hypothetical questions. It's all very tongue-in-cheek and snarky answers are being handed out left and right. Since I often see people complain about their churches, I posted the following, trying to hit many of the things people criticize about or desire in the churches they attend.


So, how do you guys all find a church you like? Each one we've tried has been a total flop. You'd think, assuming churches are filled with Christ-like people, that there would be perfect churches on every corner. It just ain't true.

I'd like one with messages that are both educational and encouraging, last just the right amount of time, and match up perfectly with every belief that I hold.

I'd like it to have a program for kids that turns the little ones into kind and compassionate biblical scholars who realize fun and games are unholy, but I'd also like to be commended for keeping my own kids by my side whenever we're in the church building.

I don't want hymns (old school and five octaves too high) or modern songs (can't stand the "Jesus is my boyfriend" mentality), expect the type and number of instruments to accomodate my preferences, and would like the sound guy (cause it's always a guy, you know) to have a clue and not blast my eardrums during music or require me to cup my ears for better reception during the teaching.

Of course, the entire focus of the church should be on ministering to the community. Or missions. Or teaching and taking care of their congregation. Or ... well, whatever the latest trend in churches is.

I'd like the teaching to be straight from the Bible, but be accepting of those who prefer churches that study whatever author has the newest best-seller at the Christian bookstore.

I don't want them to ever discuss how the world came into existence, as that's too controversial, but think it would be great if they had a picketing ministry that focused a different sinful establishment in my community each week.

Is that too much to ask? Really? From people who say they love Jesus? Is there a church like that in your community? If so, what are the homeschooling requirements in your state?


The first response I got was this movie and I just spent five minutes laughing through it.

Disclaimer: Don't bother watching if you want your church to accommodate your preferences or are discontent with your church or churches in general . You won't find it funny.