PRACTICAL PARENTING

A little over a year ago I was asked by some other moms to share some parenting tips with them. Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, we are far from perfect parents. Plus, we don't really subscribe to any particular method of parenting. The way we parent is just a lifestyle, not some ten point strategy we came up with. So, it was a little tricky for me to come up with what to tell these moms. I eventually came up with some tips, which we hashed out together while brainstorming ideas for each other.

Flash forward to Christmas day. Someone who is pregnant with her first child asked me how we go about parenting. Ironically, I felt like my kids were amped and out of control at that moment, so I just started laughing. Anyway, I came up with three key things, the nitty gritty of parenting, and e-mailed them to her. Then I remembered the discussion I'd had a year ago and discovered I had those tips on my computer!!

So, I'll just share them here in case they'd encourage someone else. Well, first I'll tell you the three nitty gritty ones.

1. Be firm. Know your expectation, let your children know it, then enforce it.
2. Be consistent. Inconsistency in parenting is a surefire way to shoot yourself in the foot.
3. Be a team. Make sure both parents are involved in playing, snuggling, training, and discipline.

And here is what I typed up for those moms who I talked to about a year ago. This list is by no means exhaustive, but I was just sticking to the real basic stuff.


BETHANY’S BEST TRAINING TIPS

Do make your expectations clear. Set the standard for your family and remind them of it regularly. Role-play and discuss situations they have been or will be in. Make sure your expectations are realistic for the age and development of your child.

Do be consistent. Inconsistency is your biggest enemy in training your children. It is confusing and frustrating for a person to never know what type of response their behavior will get.

Do use wise/foolish and positive/negative. All choices have consequences. Wise choices lead to positive consequences and foolish choices lead to negative consequences.

Don’t make empty threats. If expectations are made clear, then threats aren’t really necessary. However, if you do make them, then you better follow through. Failing to follow through just teaches your kids to not take you seriously.

Do think long-term. What do you want your child to be like next month? Next year? In ten years? What do you need to do right now to help that happen?

Don’t count. Delayed obedience is disobedience.

Do use natural consequences. The more closely you can relate the consequence to the behavior, the more likely foolish behaviors will stop and wise behaviors will continue. Make the punishment fit the crime … and the criminal.

Do acknowledge improvement. If your child succeeds at something you’ve been working with them on, then a simple “you did that perfectly” or “that was exactly what I want you to do” will reiterate your expectations and affirm their effort.

Do expect a response. You child needs to learn basic communication, you need to know that your instruction was heard, and it can help keep your child focused.

Do ask others. Be aware of your child’s behavior when you aren’t around. Let them know that you will be asking about their behavior when you pick them up. Deal with any behavioral problems that occurred while you were away from your child.

Do pay attention to each child’s needs and temperament. Change your approach if what you’re doing isn’t working. Let some issues slide for a couple days in order to focus on a greater issue.