I turn 36 tomorrow and I've been unexpectedly weepy today.
It's sad to think my mom had no idea her 36th birthday would be her last cancer-free one. That her world was going to be rocked that year. That she'd be forced to question if she'd live long enough to raise her kids that turned 13, 11, and 8 that year. That she'd be forced to question how quickly "til death do us part" would come for her and my dad.
I realize her situation is not uncommon. In fact, I'm old enough now that several of my friends have faced the same situation in the last few years. Some are now healthy, others are battling the disease, and one has died. But standing at the edge of her diagnosis age is kinda weird. Life will be what it will be and I'll play the hand I'm dealt, but I really hope I get to see the little Ws become big Ws.
In other birthday news, I got a phone call from Tim today that made me smile.
Tim and I each share a birthday with one of the little Ws. Though both people get acknowledged on the birthday, we've chosen to make those days more about the kids than us. It's easy, though, for my birthday to just get completely lost in the shuffle of June madness at our house and I've had some birthdays that passed by without really being any different than other days.
We've also had years where Tim has surprised me with an outing of some sort. I've always appreciated the thought, but it inevitably throws a huge wrench in the rest of the day. Tim can't possibly know all the things I'm juggling in the course of a day or week, how I have things paced to work out right, etc. So it's really hard for me to completely enjoy whatever surprise he's suddenly put in my lap when I know it's going to mess up a gazillion other things. It's just stressful. So, last year I asked him not to surprise me anymore. I'd rather know what's coming so that I can plan accordingly, look forward to it, and enjoy whatever happens.
This year he asked me how I wanted my birthday celebrated. I thought about it for a day or two, then told him I wanted two things - to go on a family hike where I didn't have to plan or pack the lunches and to eat cheesecake. June is crazy and we probably won't get to the hike for another couple weeks, which is fine, but the phone call today was to ask me what kind of cheesecake I want. I'm happy.