MY BATHROOM MIRROR

How have I invested in my marriage TODAY? That's what is written on a little piece of paper and taped to the center of my bathroom mirror.

In running a household and taking care of the kiddos I find it very easy to not put any effort into my marriage. By the time that I'm done doing all the things necessary for survival around here, I don't have the energy or desire to work on things that aren't emergent. Of course, then I end up in tears a couple time a month, discouraged because my marriage isn't as good as I'd like it to be. Go figure.

Anyway, in my quest to focus on my family this month, I have posted the question about my marriage in a place where I will see it several times a day. It reminds me to go out of my way to do something, anything at all, that is an investment in my relationship with Tim. It's accountability. I've dropped the ball some days, but it's been really helpful to me.

I emphasized "today" when I wrote it out because right now I need to focus on making the health of my marriage a priority. However, some days I mentally emphasize "I". After all, it's much easier to think of a gazillion things Tim could be doing than to actually work on my own shortcomings. Other days I mentally emphasize "marriage". I think it's easy for women, at least myself, to think "well, I washed his clothes, cooked his meals, and paid his bills" and call it good. While those things do benefit our husbands, they aren't direct investments in our marriages. The thing that is helping me to change my thinking on that is to ask myself how I'd feel if Tim said he was working on our marriage when he spent the day at work. Obviously I wouldn't be happy. The paychecks he earns benefit our household, but that's just his job. In the same way, my cooking and cleaning benefits the household, but it's just my job. Our marriage is a whole different ball of wax. It's about blessing the other person as an individual, about taking time to hang out together, about interacting about things totally unrelated to our children or household chores.

And the bonus accountability with the question on my mirror? Devon asked what it said. Silas read it and asked what it meant to invest in a marriage. Tim sees it too, so he knows if I succeeded or failed that day. Now, he doesn't say anything when I miss the mark, but I know that he knows. I hate that!

Off to think about how to invest in my marriage today.