A DAY WITH THE BONUS Ws

We got to spend time with both of the bonus Ws yesterday, which was awesome. Natie and Silas went to breakfast, then she spent the rest of the morning with us. We ditched school shortly after they got back from eating and started playing games. First up was Throw Throw Burrito and I won the second of the two games we played. It's a rare day when I win, so that was momentous, but it was a fun game even when I lost. Next up was a giant indoor snowball fight with some fake snowballs we were given a few years back and have had multiple battles with.

Natie went home after lunch, then a few hours later I got to pick Gabi up from school. He, Naomi, and Tyler had a blast and got soaking wet jumping on the trampoline for an hour. They finally came in, changed into dry clothes, and we all spent the rest of the evening playing games, eating dinner, reading books, and wrestling. I'm so thankful for time with him now that he doesn't live next door!

What a treat to have both of those kids come over on the same day!

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THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for teachers who care about their students. What's something that you're thankful for?

1/15/20 - WORTH REPEATING

*****

To be without friends is a serious form of poverty.

~ It Happened on 5th Avenue


*****

If you want to learn how to enjoy life and craft something you do not need to escape from, you can do so. It may require you to change your mindset, your pursuits, or where you focus your energy, but it is always worth it.

~ Joshua Becker in How to Craft A Life You Don’t Need to Escape From on Becoming Minimalist

*****

We don’t have to monetize or optimize or organize our joy. Hobbies don’t have to be imbued with a purpose beyond our own enjoyment of them. They, alone, can be enough.

~ Molly Conway in The Modern Trap of Turning Hobbies Into Hustles on Man Repeller

*****

We are loved when we are carried, and loved when we are the carriers.


~ Emilie Kleiner in this Facebook photo


*****

I want a life I cannot pay for
I want a life I can't afford to live without
I want a life I cannot pay for
I want a life I can't afford to be missing out

I don't wanna be 85, singing
"Oh, no, I think I missed it, I was chasing money"
I don't wanna be 85, singing
"Oh, no, I got a big house, but my heart is ugly"

~ Andy Grammer in 85 on The Good Parts

*****

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BRANCHES

This week hasn't been my favorite. The biggest thing was the 28th anniversary of my mom's death, which, for a variety of reasons, was the hardest year of that milestone I've ever had and included buckets and buckets and buckets of tears shed behind closed doors.

Of course, there have been all the other ordinary struggles of life. Parenting exhaustion. Homemaking failures. Communication breakdowns. Insomnia. Physical discomfort. Inefficient time management. Humanity. Sometimes, like this week, those ordinary things pile on and feed off each other, then become even harder to rationally deal with when placed on a mountain of grief. I've become increasingly annoyed by petty complaints and general irresponsibility when I face bigger issues and responsibilities of my own, yet I've quite hypocritically dished out all sorts of petty complaints and demonstrated less than stellar responsibility myself this week.

Humans are flawed. Life is messy.

My response has been to withdraw for several days. With the exception of taking care of my online responsibilities and responding to direct communication, I've avoided Facebook. I haven't blogged. I haven't sent chatty texts, e-mails, Facebook messages, or happy mail. I haven't talked to anyone about how I'm feeling. If you know my extroverted, people-loving, overly wordy self at all, you know that multiple days of intentionally avoiding interaction with others is a big deal. I just needed a break, some time to pull myself together without a bunch of distractions.

I've read my Bible, listened to my "When Life Stinks" playlist, gone on brisk walks, read library books, prayed, eaten lots of healthy meals, and taken long showers. I've also cried, spoken in anger and frustration, had snarky conversations in my head, and eaten far more cookies and candy than any person should.

Again, humans are flawed and life is messy.

I feel ready to dip my toe back in the online waters today and am doing so with a poem I've shared before. It's blustery here today and the last two lines of the poem, which are my favorite, came to mind as I was picking up branches that had blown all over our yard this afternoon.


VIEW I

A storm came through our garden once;
It shred and broke and tore,
Til all that lay within its path
Was shaken o'er and o'er

Then firmly called the sun for quiet;
It shushed the wind and held the rain;
Then gently wrapped the fraught creation
With warm and healing arms again

After days of loving comfort,
Timid shoots of green peeked through,
And gentle colors shyly opened,
Promise of a deeper hue

When seasons changed, a passerby
Beheld a two-faced view ---
Of rain-thrashed trees and battered shrubs,
Yet also growth, alive and new


VIEW II

The Husbandman has placed His servants
Within a garden, precious, rare
To labor, pray, rejoice, and weep
O'er every branch he's planted there.

Our Father also knew before
That violent, unrelenting rains,
Sweeping o'er his precious vineyard
Would bring wreckage, sorrow, pain

But far beyond, the Keeper knew
The storm would more than havoc sow;
For rains that plunder stiffened branches
Cause the yielding ones to grow.

~ Barbara Perkins


If you're having a rough week, month, or season of your own, I pray that you'll see hope in the grief, feel joy in the stress, and experience growth that can only come from struggle. Be a yielding branch.

BOOKS I FINISHED - DECEMBER 2019

*****

The Boy on the Wooden Box: How the Impossible Became Possible ... on Schindler's List, written by Leon Leyson 

Leyson was a young Jewish boy living in Poland when the Nazis took over. Life in the ghetto was terrifying and the concentration camp was filled with unimaginable horrors, but Leyson survived due to a combination of good luck and the work of Oskar Schindler, a German Nazi who saved the lives of 1,200 Jews. A true story of heartbreak, grit, and hope.


*****

The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto, written by Mitch Albom

I loved stories about lives that are unknowingly intertwined and this novel didn't disappoint. This story of a Spanish war orphan who's smuggled to America as a young child and becomes a famous musician is a beautiful tale of tragedy and triumph, heartbreak and hope, love and loss, and of music. I realized upon finishing the book that it has a companion album by the same title, which I've enjoyed listening to.

p. 15, (music, speaking of itself)  That's because I was born in the open air, in the breaks of ocean waves and the whistling of sandstorms, the hoots of owls and the cackles of tui birds. I travel in echoes. I ride the breeze. I was forged in nature, rugged and raw. Only man shapes my edges to make me beautiful.

p. 39, Sometimes I think the greatest talent of all is perseverance.

p. 95, But just because something is silent doesn't mean you aren't hearing it.

p. 140, Man searches for courage in drink, but it is not courage that he finds, it is fear that he loses. A drunken man may step off a cliff. That does not make him brave, just forgetful.

p. 162, (music, speaking of itself) For centuries, musicians have sought to find me at the end of a needle or the bottom of a drink. It is an illusion. And it often ends badly.

p. 163, It is not new, this idea that a purer art awaits you in a substance. But it is naive. I existed before the first grapes were fermented. Before the first whiskey was distilled. Be it opium or absinthe, marijuana or heroin, cocaine or ecstasy or whatever will follow, you may alter your state, but you will not alter this truth: I am Music. I am here inside you. Why would I hide behind a powder or a vapor?

Do you think me so petty?

*****

Orphan Train Rider: One Boy's True Story, written by Andrea Warren

I never knew about orphan trains until I was well into adulthood and have mixed feelings about them, but this story has about as good of an ending as possible. I love the reminder that bitterness only hurts us and we can choose to make the best of whatever circumstances come our way. The orphan trains stopped running in 1929, so there can't be very many left of the 200,000 kids that were shipped across the country to new homes.


*****

The Ragamuffin Gospel, written by Brennan Manning

We are flawed people who regularly do wrong things. And God loves us. The end. That's the gist of this book. Being honest about our shortcomings and accepting God's grace that offers us love in our brokenness, rather than continually trying (and failing) to earn that love, is what will bring peace and joy to our own lives and have a ripple effect in how we treat those around us.

p. 29, Jesus comes not for the super-spiritual but for the wobbly and the weak-kneed who know they don't have it all together, and who are not too proud to accept the handout of amazin' grace.

p. 30, Any church that will not accept that it consists of sinful men and women, and exists for them, implicitly rejects the gospel of grace.

p. 73, The trouble with our ideals is that if we live up to all of them, we become impossible to live with.

p. 74, He knows repentance is not what we do in order to earn forgiveness; it is what we do because we have been forgiven. It serves as an expression of gratitude rather than an effort to earn forgiveness.

p. 120, Quite simply, our deep gratitude to Jesus Christ is manifested neither in being chaste, honest, sober and respectable, nor in church-going, Bible-toting and Psalm-singing, but in our deep and delicate respect for each other.

p. 136, The way we are with each other is the truest test of our faith. How I treat a brother or sister from day to day, how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street, how I respond to interruption from people I dislike, how I deal with normal people in their normal confusion on a normal day may be a better indication of my reverence for life than the anitabortion sticker on the bumper of my car.

We are not pro-life simply because we are warding off death. We are pro-life to the extent that we are men and women for others, all others; to the extent that no human flesh is a stranger to us; to the extend that we can touch the hand of another in love; to the extent that for us there are not "others."

p. 152, Compassionate love is the axis of the Christian moral revolution and the only sign ever given by Jesus by which a disciple would be recognized.

p. 159, If in our hearts we really don't believe that God loves us as we are, if we are still tainted by the lie that we can do something to make God love us more, we are rejecting the message of the cross.

p. 167, I don't think anyone reading this would have approved of throwing rocks at the poor woman in adultery, but we would have made darn sure she presented a detailed act of contrition and was firm in her purpose of amendment. Because if we let her off without saying she was sorry, wouldn't she be back into adultery before sunset?

No, the love of our God isn't dignified at all, and apparently that's the way He expects our love to be. Not only does He require that we accept His inexplicable, embarrassing kind of love, but once we've accepted it, He expects us to behave the same with with others.

p. 181, Our clumsy attempts at forgiveness often create more problems than they solve. In condescending fashion we crush and humiliate the sinner with our unbearable largesse. He may feel forgiven but utterly bereft of reassurance, consolation, and encouragement.

p. 181, The gospel of grace announces: forgiveness precedes repentance. The sinner is accepted before he pleads for mercy. It is already granted. He need only receive it. Total amnesty. Gratuitous pardon.


*****

Speaking American: How Y'all, Youse, and You Guys Talk / A Visual Guide, written and illustrated by Josh Katz

This book is a fun visual representation of the different words Americans use, as well as various pronunciations for the same words. While you can read it all in one sitting, it's also perfect for picking up when you have a few minutes to kill or need a conversation starter.


*****

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THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the eleventh consecutive New Year's Day centered on friendship, a day filled with meaningful conversations and hysterical laughter, and for the New Year's Day two years earlier because it led to this tradition. What's something that you're thankful for?

THREE GOOD THINGS

January 1, 2012 - Eight years ago I started writing down three good things about the day before I went to bed each night. It didn't matter if they were significant or trivial, but they had to be positive and they had to be relevant to that particular day. I kept the habit for five months, then quit in a season of stress and anger surrounding my circumstances at the time. Immature, I know, but that's real life.

January 4, 2014 - After nineteen months of pouting, I decided to end my days on a positive note again. No matter how rotten a day is or how poorly I've handled the challenges I face, and believe me when I say there have been way more hard days than easy ones and that I frequently opt for irresponsible and immature responses instead of wise ones, I choose to focus on what was good as the day comes to an end. And every day has good things. Every single day.

January 1, 2020 - Not only have I stuck with this habit for six years, but I've added to it. During a super rough season of marriage, someone who's been married longer than I have and who had no idea I already wrote three good things each night, suggested I start writing down five good things about Tim at the end of each day. I knew it was wise counsel, but five things seemed impossible at the time. So I compromised with two.

I've continued the additional habit for years, through that challenging time and into a happier, healthier season of marriage. No one ever knew I wrote down good things about Tim each day, including Tim himself until I just told him a couple months ago and a couple friends during a recent discussion we had about marriage. I was encouraged in that conversation with friends to increase my list about Tim to three things per day. I accepted the challenge, so now each day of my life ends with acknowledging three good things about my life and three about my husband.

Why am I telling you this? Because I want to challenge you to do the same, to end each day acknowledging three specific things that were good about it, and the beginning of a new year is a great time to start. Super critical by nature? So am I. Easily overwhelmed by the hard things in life? I can relate. So if my negative, stressed out self can find three good things about each day, anyone can!