THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the PGE employees who work all hours of the day and night to restore power to homes, schools, and businesses after an outage. What's one thing that you're thankful for?

GRIEF IS A GNARLY BEAST

Yesterday was the anniversary of a death of someone important in my life. In thinking about that person, as I often do, I suddenly realized the little funk I've had a hard time shaking is grief. I'm not depressed, and there are plenty of things about life I'm thankful for and enjoying, but I've definitely had an underlying struggle for a while. I'm not going to share what I've been grieving, but I will say that my highly visible surface emotions that grief likes to disguise itself as have hidden the fact it was grief itself hiding underneath.

We usually associate grief with death, and I haven't had anyone close to me die in several years, but I think it's more accurately tied to loss. The loss of relationships, seasons of life, community, material possessions, stability, dreams, physical capabilities, beliefs, security, and more. We grieve both what we've already lost and what we know we're about to lose.

As I've always said, grief is a gnarly beast. It hits in different ways, at different times, and for different reasons for different people. It's both predictable and unpredictable. While there are obviously some unhealthy ways of coping with grief, there's no one right way to do it. We all just have to try finding a balance between allowing ourselves to grieve whatever we've lost, which is a normal and healthy thing to do, without letting that grief consume us indefinitely, which is decidedly  unhealthy.

Here are a few thoughts and verses that have come to mind as I've thought about loss and grief today.

No matter what losses I face, God's not going anywhere.

Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Not only is God always with me, but I can tell him all I feel and depend on him for security and comfort until I pull myself together. 

Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Tears are normal and acceptable. 

John 11:35 Jesus wept.

Seasons change. Sometimes grief fades on its own, other times we have to choose to focus our efforts on something else for a time. Often it's a mixture of the two. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

If you're one who's grieving now, whether on a grand scale or a more subdued one, my prayer for you today is that you'd find some healthy ways of handling all those emotions, learn to find happiness in your new normal, and know that you are loved.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for well-timed reminders of God's love. What's something that you're thankful for?

TAKING TIME TO BREATHE

Saturday was non-stop, a day filled from start to finish with responsibilities, but I added Al's Garden Center's Evening of Lights to my absurdly long list of things to get done. I love that store and knew making time to do something fun there in the midst of a bunch of work would be a way to put on my oxygen mask. Squeezed it in after some errands, which meant Naomi got to come with me. Chose not to spend any money, but enjoyed half an hour looking at Christmas decorations (in November ... scandalous, I know), eating and drinking various samples, listening to live music, entering a bunch of drawings, and admiring their huge variety of poinsettias during our first time attending this event. I'm so glad I resisted the urge to skip it in the name of responsibility and decided to just relax with my girl for a little bit. 

HALLOWEEN - 2019

I just have a few pictures from Halloween this year. 

Devon's been working for a local couple since August 2018. Not only do they treat him really well, but they do things like buy giant candy bars for all the little Ws on Halloween. So thoughtful!

The Tylers had a blast hanging out together at our church's Harvest Festival.

I didn't know Silas was dressing up for the harvest festival until I arrived with the bandana he'd forgotten and asked me to bring. I also didn't know youth ministry staff was going to have a Toy Story theme going on with their costumes. They all looked great, but Woody/Silas and Jessie/Natie were my favorite.

Photo credit: Athey Creek Christian Fellowship

Tim wasn't able to make it this year, but all the other Ws enjoyed our evening working and playing at the harvest festival and I think the last of the candy will finally get eaten today.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the neighbor who chose to join us as we worked in our yard and ended up raking tons of leaves off our driveway. What's one thing you're thankful for?

BOOKS I FINISHED - OCTOBER 2019

*****

The Castle Diary: The Journal of Tobias Burgess, written by Richard Platt & illustrated by  Chris Riddell
The fictional story of a young boy who lives with his aunt and uncle for a year as a page, this book is filled with all sorts of info about what life was like in the middle ages. I've read this book four times for school, including this time with Tyler, and I always love the illustrations.


*****

Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy, written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
I regularly look for the positive things in my life, but I'm also very critical by nature and slide into bitterness pretty easily. This book really challenged me in the area of being thankful, driving home both the importance of gratitude and the danger of ingratitude. I'm currently in the process of doing the 30 day gratitude study at the end of the book.

p. 17, Even in the most turbulent waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions.

p. 23, Try being a person who sacrificially gives of yourself - without the offering being accompanied by gratitude - and you'll find every ounce of joy drained by a martyr complex.

p. 35, Undeniable guilt, plus undeserved grace, should equal unbridled gratitude.

p. 68, The grateful heart that springs forth in joy is not acquired in a moment; it is the fruit of a thousand choices.

p. 82, Pride is the father of ingratitude and the silent killer of gratitude.

p. 126, But out in the byway of real life, a grateful heart must often strap on sword and shield, summon up its deepest courage, and brace itself for battle.

p. 139, Unwilling to stay mindful of the blessings we enjoy in spite of our difficulties, as well as the strength and sensitivity God grows beset in us through hardship and loss, we sacrifice peace. We sacrifice contentment. We sacrifice relationships -  and freedom and grace and joy.


*****

Ugly, written by Robert Hoge
Hoge was born with a giant tumor in the middle of his face, as well as disfigured legs, and the surgery that removed the tumor left him with a radically disfigured face. This book is his story of growing up ugly, learning to be confident in who he is.


*****

The Wake Up, written by Catherine Ryan Hyde
A rancher suddenly find himself unable to to do anything that inflicts pain on animals, whether the deer he goes out hunting for or his own cattle, because he physically feels their pain. Soon he finds himself feeling what the people around him are feeling. As he struggles with this profound empathy, he finds himself falling in love with a single mom of two kids, one with some major struggles of his own. With therapy, commitment, and time, healing comes to those who are hurting.

p. 236, "I know you don't have a lot of parenting experience," Hannah said. "So let me lay my thoughts out for you like this. You hope for the best for your kids. You want them to be happy, and you want to feel close to them and help them. So when you see them moving in what you think is a good direction, or think you see it, you hope. You hope wildly. And, as a result, having a child tends to mean getting your heart broken on a regular basis. It takes courage to hope for something you know you may not get. But the alternative is not to believe in your child or hope great things for him. So I'm a big fan of the heartbreak method myself."


*****

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