Necklines - I actually started writing about this a week or two ago. Even had a really catchy title going. Then later that day the topic came up on the Sonlight forums. Not wanting to look like a copycat, I bagged the idea for a while. I'm going to bring it up today without a catchy title. Plus, I have some other viewpoints to bring to the table from reading the thread on the forums.
I periodically think about the issue of modesty and all it entails. Lately it's been on my mind more frequently for a variety of reasons - seeing lots of breasts at church, struggling to find shorts for my infant daughter that do more than cover her diaper, seeing lots of summer outfits running around.
I'll throw out some questions for you to think about, tell you my thoughts, then I'd love for you to tell me what you think. For the sake of this post, I AM defining "sexy" as purposely dressing in a way that draws attention to your body, particularly in a sexual way. I am NOT defining it as dressing in a way that is simply very attractive to someone. Bear in mind that we all have different thoughts on the issue. So, feel free to disagree, but don't be disrespectful.
QUESTIONS
* How do you define modesty?
* Do you feel a moral obligation to consider whether your clothing reveals too much to the opposite sex? Why or why not?
* What do you think about the difference in clothing for the genders? Females - skin tight shirts, ultra low-rise pants, spaghetti straps, strapless shirts/dresses, low necklines, tight pants, shorts that end just below the butt, bikinis, one piece swimsuits. Males - baggy pants, loose shirts, shorts that go just above the knee or lower, swim shorts that go to the knee, tank tops with straps that cover the whole shoulder, pants that sit at the waist, pants that sit halfway down the butt. Why do you think women's clothing is so much tighter and revealing?
* Would you feel comfortable with the men in your life revealing as much skin and body shape as the women in your life do? Why or why not?
RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM OTHERS
* We all should be responsible for our own thought process, regardless of what we see.
* We have a moral obligation to not dress in a way that emphasizes our sexuality
* Americans make too big of a deal about bodies. Nudity is not a big deal in other countries.
* If everything in America is sexualized and if bodies are generally viewed through a sexual lens, then we should aim to dress in a way that is not inherently "sexy".
MY THOUGHTS
I think it is very easy to become legalistic on this issue or to take responsibility for the thoughts of every single person who sees you. I think it is also easy to have no/a low standard and take no responsibility for the thoughts of the people who see you. Neither of those options are great. I don't necessarily think there is a line that can be drawn - wear this, don't wear this - where everything fits neatly on one side of the line.
What I DO think is important is to truly consider why you are choosing to wear what you wear and how your clothing is viewed by others. The "why" first. Trying to be sexy? Why? For whose eyes? Do you want to be viewed sexually by all who see you? The "how it's viewed" next. How much of your body are those around you seeing? Does the little boy standing behind you in line at the grocery store know exactly what color your thong is? Does the woman trying to chat with you have to see 2/3 of your breasts throughout the conversation? Does the man dropping his kid at class get to see most of your breasts and all of your bra when you kneel down to put a wristband on his child?
In a nutshell, I think checking your motives and considering the consequences for yourself and others before making a clothing purchase are very important. So, tell me your thoughts on the matter.
New Tribes - My sister and her family work with New Tribes Missions in the cool mountains of the Philippines. For the last seven months or so they have had a live-in tutor for their girls. She'll be there through the rest of this year and they have started hunting for her replacement. So, if you or someone you know would like to spend a year or so, starting about January, overseas teaching my cute nieces (and playing with my cute nephew and visiting with my fantastic sister and chatting with my great brother-in-law ... but that's beside the point), then go check out their blog for some info.
Nothing - That is the word I heard yesterday. Nothing. Such a glorious word to hear from the woman who just did your mammogram!! I had one done 7 1/2 years ago because of a teeny tiny lump. One mammogram, one ultrasound, and one needle biopsy later we knew the little lump was nothing bad. Well, now I'm four years younger than my mom was when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. So, I've been ordered to start getting annual mammograms. And yesterday's was delightfully uneventful.
9 comments:
Wow, what an issue to bring up. This is one of my struggles because I notice what other women wear a lot and sometimes it upsets me a bit that they aren't more cautious about what they wear. I think women should be very aware of how they come across to others and also check their motives before they dress. I hate shorts, I only like skirts, although my favorite skirt is longer than my shorts, I'm aware that it is still a bit on the short side. I'm not trying to look sexy when I wear it by any means, but I know I might be viewed as a different person if I chose to wear that in some situations, so I don't. It sure is a hard thing to figure out, but I think when we dress in the morning, the first thing we should think about it how we are going to be viewed by others. We should not cause anyone to stumble, especially not intentionally.
I define modesty as: "Dressing in such a way that attention is drawn immediately to your face".
During times in my life that I have been single, I have always gravitated toward women who dress modestly, yet attractively. I like the message they choose to send by their attire, and I have discovered that women who are like that make great wives.
Motives is a good point. I dress for comfort. 2 piece because one piece are too short for my torso. Braless some days because frankly the way God designed this flat chest, I don't exactly need support! And, gasp, short shorts and tank tops because it is 100 and humid this summer. And then there is my husband. He thinks people make too big a deal out of modesty, and thinks I'm being silly if I wonder someone can tell I'm not wearing a bra or something and tells me to get over it and dress for what works for my day. I'm not saying this is immodest or not, just stating where I am in my attire lately.
I think you have such an important point. When trying on clothes I wonder has my body changed??? Or has the style changed. I remember going in to American Eagle and grabbing ny size small shirt knowing it would fit....not the case these days...I find myself feeling upset because I don't fit in to the same sizes I used to...Is it my body that changed or my mind??? When I became stronger in my faith and felt a conviction about clothes all shorts (minus boy cargo shorts) went out the window and even spaghetti straps can make me feel a little out there....I think modesty is dressing in a way you would feel comfortable in the presence of any person (friends, significant other, partor, grandparents, in laws)....
Your blog is so interesting I had to come back and comment because I had been thinking about this. I had just read 'Infidel' recently and the author spoke about the views on veiled women. There are people who have tried to define modesty and put down a woman for showing her neck, ankles, chin...
Pages have been written about the sexiness of an attractive chin or nose and why it should be covered in modesty, as not to lead others to lust.
We must very very careful as to take our views on modesty as a sign of maturity, or faith. (myself included) As we all look like whores to the Saudis (; I have noticed a tread in the more clothed Christian women sometimes turning to pride (anyone read 'created to be his helpmeet', prime example!!!) Pride that they do not cut hair short, wear shorts, ect.
It's no wonder it's such a touchy subject.
Well, the beauty of being saved is that we're FREE. But, Galatians states it this way "free to love each other'. So, if we view all of these issues through the new commandment 'love your neighbor as yourself', then the issue would be others and not clothing.
Also, the reason men don't dress as sexy as women is because - eeeew, no one wants to see that. The same reason nude paintings are generally of women, not men. Not very spiritual, just a side note. :)
Rachelle-
I agree that it can be a hard one to figure out!
Dad-
Great definition and one I haven't heard. Generally modesty is defined by what it doesn't do, rather than what is does do.
Maryanne-
I appreciate your honesty. I'm a "dress for comfort" girl myself, but it can be hard to know where to draw the line. And I totally agree that pride is an easy downfall for a person who is obsessive about modesty! There's a balance somewhere.
Meghann-
I like your definition too!
Beep-
You make an excellent point in saying it's really about others and not about clothes. The trick is to find the appropriate level of "thinking of others", for if we think of everyone, then we'll have to cover ourselves from head to toe in a burlap bag, then pray no one is turned on by burlap. :)
Hem & Haa...I don't know if I really have anything more to add that hasn't been covered but sometimes I suffer from a condition that causes physical pain or at the very least great discomfort when I don't share my two cents, so for selfish alleviation I will comment :)
Here's what comes to mind when I think about this topic in the context of our culture. We are so sexually explicit, overexposed, obsessed and yet frustrated, dissatisfied and unfulfilled. (I'm speaking generally and culturally) Sexual images are so hard to get away from DAILY that it is no wonder that so many marriages (even some Christian marriages) are void of the sexual intimacy and fulfillment that God intended them to have and designed sex EXCLUSIVELY for.
Would your favorite annual Thanksgiving dinner be less satisfying if you sampled some form of cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes or turkey smothered with gravy at least once a week throughout the year? Maybe a lame illustration but I think you know where I'm going with this.
I'm not saying it's practical but I wouldn't be anti-burlap sack if I knew it would make all the men in America go YOUSA'S for their wives when they jumped into bed at night!
I'm pretty sure that most women would trade the fleeting satisfaction they may (consciously or otherwise) receive from turning a few stranger's heads for the complete indulgence of their husband's attentions.
Sorry for the tangent...
Meghann-
Had a thought about your definition. The problem is that many who could be wearing something considered immodest would be completely comfortable wearing it around anyone. They are either oblivious to how they look or truly don't give a rip.
For example, I have seen completely down the shirts of countless females at church. These are primarily girls/ladies who are checking kids in for class. They aren't trying to be trashy at all. Evidently they just don't realize that every time they bend over to put on a wristband they give the child's parent a complete shot of what's under their shirt. Sometimes it's women who are just chatting at church and kneel to talk to one of my kids. They're kneeling, I'm standing, and I can see their entire chest.
I always wonder whether or not to say anything and what I'd say anyway. I don't want them to feel scolded or embarrassed, but I also want them to know what a peep show they're giving.
Honestly, you know who I feel most sorry for, other than the dad's checking in their kids and getting an eyeful? Brett. Because if I can see down a woman's shirt while she's sitting in her chair, perhaps leaning forward a little, then you can bet that he, sitting higher than us, is getting an eyeful too.
Jess-
Great thoughts!
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