BOOKS I FINISHED - OCTOBER 2018

*****

Charlotte's Web, written by E.B. White and illustrated by Garth Williams

The classic children's story of the friendship between a pig and spider, one doing their best to save the life of the other, never gets old. This was a school book for Tyler that I read to all the kids during lunch.


*****

Girl Waits With Gun (A Kopp Sisters Novel, book 1), written by Amy Stewart

Based on a true story that happened about 100 years ago, this novel is about three sisters who live out in the country and find themselves under physical attack and threatened by a prominent business owner and his gang. These women, all with strong and different personalities, demonstrated perseverance, resiliency, and a commitment to each other as they fought not simply for justice, but for their very lives.


*****

I am Evan, written by Marla Bowie

An abusive mom and absent dad have created an incredibly challenging life for Evan, but the love he has for his younger sister keeps him moving forward. When the abuse leads to his admittance to a hospital and both siblings in foster care, separated for the first time since his sister's birth, everything in his world changes. Navigating ever-changing circumstances, he has to figure out what matters most to him, learning to differentiate between wants and needs, hope and reality.


********

Just Show Up: The Dance of Walking Through Suffering Together, written Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn

Tippetts walked out the last years of her life very publicly on her blog, Mundane Faithfulness, but this book is a joint effort between her and Buteyn, a friend who walked through her cancer with her. I loved hearing both of their perspectives, their vulnerability in sharing their personal experience as it was happening in real time. Their admonishment to come alongside those who are suffering is both firm and kind, and includes some practical suggestions for how to do it.

p. 10, There is so much power in showing up, humble power in saying, "I'm here. I may not have the answers, but I'm here."

p. 18, I've learned real beauty lies in the good that comes out of the hard.

p. 29, I think a better approach is "Live like today is your very first day." Think about that for a minute. What if you and I lived today like it was a fresh start, like we got a do-over and could start showing up and practicing big love from the very beginning? Can you imagine the impact on our families, our friendships, our churches?

p. 64, Our people who are suffering know the truth of God's provision and grace. What they need is for us to express that we care and then to listen in love.

p. 64, Curiosity is different from caring < snip > Curiosity wants to know what's going on. Caring wants the person to know they're not forgotten. Details aren't important.

p. 120, Insecurity is a backstabbing jerk that demands attention and doesn't listen to logic.

p. 124, There will also be times when you'll have to differentiate between your friend hurting you and their suffering hurting you. If something wounds you while you're walking through suffering with a loved one, ask yourself this: Is my friend disappointing me? Or is this their illness or hard season  disappointing me? 

Many times you'll find it's the latter.

p. 146, If showing up is a dance, then a long good-bye is like a slow dance with a partner who easily steps on toes. There are so many opportunities for us to make mistakes, yet also so many moments to grab and hold on to.

*****

Life After, written by Katie Ganshert

This fictional story of the sole survivor of a train bombing, as well as the family one of the victims left behind, deals with grief, survivor's guilt, the importance of truth, and moving forward in spite of your brokenness.

*****

Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living, written by Shauna Niequist

A compelling challenge to shift priorities from doing everything, and doing it all perfectly, to doing well at the few things that matter most. This book would be good for me to read anytime, simply because of how I'm wired, but the timing was impeccable. I sobbed my way through it, then went out and got my own copy (I read a lot, but never buy books) so I could mark it up. I'll come back after my second time through to share my favorite quotes.

UPDATE: I'm back. There are so many good quotes to share, so much in this book that speaks to the deepest parts of me, but I'll limit myself to ten.

p. 16, But it's like I was pulling a little red wagon, and as I pulled it along, I filled it so full that I could hardly keep pulling. That red wagon was my life, and the weight of pulling it was destroying me.

p. 28, My regrets: how many years I bruised people with my fragmented, anxious presence. How many moments of connection I missed - too busy, too tired, too frantic and strung out on the drug of efficiency.

p. 42, People called me tough. And capable. And they said I was someone they could count on. Those are all nice things. Kind of. But they're not the same as loving, or kind, or joyful. I was not those things.

p. 47 (referencing an older pastor telling the younger pastor of a large congregation, who claimed he had nothing to do with the wild growth of his church, that he did because he's the one who chose to keep putting out more chairs) If I work in such a way that I don't have enough energy to give to my marriage, I need to take down some chairs. If I say yes to so many work things that my kids only get to see tired mommy, I need to take down some chairs.

p. 113, It is better to be loved than admired. It is better to be truly known and seen and taken care of by a small tribe than adored by strangers who think they know you in a meaningful way.

p. 144, I thought that my midlife season would be about pushing into a new future ... and it is. I thought it would be about leaving behind the expectations and encumbrances of the past. It is. What I didn't know is that it would feel so much like recovering an essential self, not like discovering a new one.

p. 160 (speaking of personal capacity, comparing it to the quantity and force of a firehose) It's a stream: tiny, clear, cool. That's what I have to give, and that small stream is mine to nurture, to tend, to offer first to the people I love most, my first honor and responsibility.

p. 175, What would our lives be like if our days were studded by tiny, completely unproductive, silly, non-strategic, wild and beautiful five-minute breaks, reminders that our days are for loving and learning and laughing, not for pushing and planning, reminders that it's all about the heart, not about the hustle?

p. 178, Being outside reminds me of life and God and growth, and the energy and motion of nature, all things I forget so easily when I spend my life too much indoors, too much in a world of laptops and laundry and lists.

p. 197, I don't want to get to the end of my life and look back and realize that the best thing about me was I was organized.

*****


PICTURE BOOKS I LIKED

*****

All the World, written by Liz Garton Scanlon and illustrated by Marla Frazee

The story of a group of people's day, the big and small moments that make it up, is sweet, but I'm just a fan of Frazee's illustrations.


*****

Wait, written and illustrated by Antoinette Portis

Yes, there are times we need to stay focused on our goal and keep moving forward, but I can always use reminders that sometimes we need to slow down and pay attention to the journey.

*****

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IMPORTANT WORDS

Sometimes "I love you" is spoken with different words. Here are some ways Tim's said it to me in the last few weeks.

"I hear you." 
This wasn't meant in the sense that he could relate to what I was experiencing, but rather that he was acknowledging the words I'd spoken and their significance to me. It was a way of saying that he may not have all the answers, but that I had his support.

"We'll make it happen." 
I'd told Tim about something I really wanted to do, but that I wasn't sure I could pull off logistically. His immediate response was to confirm that it was worthwhile and that he was willing to do whatever he could to facilitate it happening.

"Let's figure out another option!"
When the aforementioned plans unexpectedly fell apart and there was nothing we could do about it, his first response was to come up with a backup plan because he understood how important it was to me.

Silence
Knowing I'd had a rotten day, he came through the door after work one evening and said nothing. He just walked up with his arms open, gave me a hug, and said nothing while I bawled my eyes out.

"Do you want Subway or Papa Murphy's?"
We rarely eat out, but he offered one morning to pick up dinner later that night. It was a thoughtful gesture that made a good day even better.

"You did nothing wrong. You don't need to defend yourself."
This was Tim's way of saying he trusts me and that I, the one who tends to talk way too much, didn't need to use 10,000 words proving my point.

"I can't wait to see!"
Showing interest in and enthusiasm about something I was excited about, he showed that what matters to me, matters to him.

"Let me know how I can be of service."
I was having a pity party one morning and he was willing to help cheer me up. I was feeling better by the time he came home, but it was reassuring to know that he'd have let me curl up in bed with a book and taken care of all the parenting, listened while I talked his ear off about the minutia of my day, or done whatever I needed if I'd still been in a funk when he got home.

"That sounds great!"
He wanted to spend time with me when I suggested having a lunch date, which is where we took the above picture on Saturday.

Relationships of any kind can be hard and our marriage has definitely had rough seasons, but I'm thankful that it's been "two steps forward, one step back", an overall steady forward motion for nearly two decades. And I'm thankful for the different ways I've heard "I love you" lately.

As a sidenote, our date was great. Free food - a gift card from the restaurant chain itself (one I've had for several months, overcompensation for a mistake they'd made), another from a Pampered Chef teammate (someone who knows I prefer food over tiaras and sashes when it comes to celebrating milestones), and a free milkshake we got to split. Laughing over the different amounts of time we each need to figure our what to order. Talking about some practical things and long-term goals. Enjoying a two hour break in an otherwise busy day filled with various projects to work on.

KIDS & COOKIES

It's common knowledge that I'm a huge fan of cookies, but the kids and I had been discussing how weird it is that I love oatmeal scotchies and never make them. Imagine how loved I felt when Devon came back from a bike ride to the store with Naomi last Thursday and handed me a bag of butterscotch chips. Wasn't that thoughtful?

Remember those cookies Naomi took a picture with earlier this month? Well, Susan, the friend who introduced her to them, was in town over the weekend. Naomi was thrilled to see her! She had Susan sit with our family at church Sunday morning, just like she used to, and had a package of cookies waiting for her. Their friendship is sweet!

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for happy tears, the tangible overflow of a heart that's been filled up. What's something that you're thankful for?

SOAKING UP THE SUNSHINE

We've had the most spectacular October, days and days of warm sunshine and leaves in a rainbow of colors. It's been wonderful! Last Monday I was waffling back and forth between my desire to start our school week on a productive note and a simultaneous desire to kick school to the curb in favor of enjoying the gorgeous weather. 

Homeschooling is no better than any other educational choice, just different, but there's no question that one of its biggest perks is flexibility. I, of course, am a tightly wound box-checker, which means it's hard for me to ditch obvious responsibilities in favor of other good things. However, this month I've been making a concerted effort to focus on my mental health. That's probably worth a post of its own, but suffice it to say we headed to Burlingham Park for a chunk of the morning.  It was the right choice.

"Hey, Mom, take a picture of me looking like a youngling."

The frisbee got tossed, a football was thrown, games were created, races were won, and swinging, climbing, and sliding occurred. We headed home to scarf some lunch before Devon went to work, but shortly after getting back we found out his normal start time got bumped out a couple hours. That meant we got to spend another hour or two reading books for school and fun out in the front yard.

Bliss!!

APPLES AT BEILKE - 2018

We've been meaning to pick apples for a while, but just haven't gotten around to it. Yesterday was the last gorgeous October day and rain is coming soon, so the little Ws and I blitzed out to Beilke Family Farm this morning.

I think we'd all love to have a mini orchard of our own, so the four buckets we planned on getting quickly turned into six. Time for saucing, dehydrating, baking, and eating!

SOME FALL CREATIVITY

We have a bin of math manipulatives that get used for all sorts of things, none of which are math. Earlier this month Tyler used them to spell out "Halloween", making sure we all noticed that the color on the right side of each letter matched the left side of the following letter so that they flowed together. 

He also made a scarecrow face, rabbit face, jack o' lantern, and skeleton.

He and Devon had been working on a paper chain another morning, counting down the days until our church's harvest festival. Devon decided to experiment with the chain idea and created a cornstalk that he hung on the side of our fridge.