I've got a post in my head about friendship that I'll get up in the next few days. My thoughts on the subject have been all over the place for the last year or so. I think I'm finally settling into a place that's realistic and comfortable, but it hasn't been easy. Maybe it's not even the best place to be, but it's better than where I was at this time last year.
Anyway, I'd love to hear what you think about friendships. Anything at all.
Here are some ideas to get you started - your personal definition of friend, the difference between an acquaintance and a friend, expectations in friendships, dealing with conflict in friendships, the types of friends you have, the types of friends you desire, how friendships end, jealousy in friendships, online friendships, long-distance friendships, friends in similar places in life, friends in different places in life, how you maintain friendships.
Elaborate on some of those topics or share another aspect of friendship that comes to mind. I'm not going to read your comments until after I get my post completed, but I'm looking forward to what you all have to say!
10 comments:
I believe you have different friend sfor different seasons of your life. Some friends are lifelong friends that you may see all the time, or maybe just a couple times a year, but when you see them it is like no time has passed at all, you just pick up right where you left off. It is easy to fall out of friendships, it is hard to keep in touch to make them last. A friend is someone who you can turn to and talk to about anything. You can be honest and up front about anything. I have many aquantainces-those who I chat with when I see them, but don't make an effort or go out of my way to talk to or hang out with, but enjoy chatting with when I do see them. I have many friends that I do make sure to stay in contact with and try to make plans with to keep in touch, and I have a few friends that will most likely be lifelong friends because we are coloe, hang out a lot and we are Moms of similar aged children. I have also lost contact with many friends throughout the years, it's sad, but it is hard to keep in touch, especially when I don't talk on the phone! There's my input on friendships, they come and go, "make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold!"
close, not coloe! I wish they had spell check for comments!!!
Great idea. I think the biggest thing I've learned in the last few years is that it's okay to let people go...and that some friendships aren't worth repairing at a given time. May or may not be beyond repair, but with changing life situations, doesn't always make sense...and that's okay. But tough.
I think there are different types of friends. Some would say I have quite a few friends... but none of them are deep. I don't have a girl friend I go out with and chat and poor my heart out too, ya know? One that wouldn't judge, but would hold me accoutable. Lately I've been a bad friend too... ignoring some friendship that I cherished. But this is because they are phone friendships and I really don't like talking on the phone much, it's so hard with little ones.
But lately I've decided that God has me in this place for a reason. I have him and my hubby to lean on.
For me there are different types of friends. There is one friend I have in my life for close to 20 years and we maybe see each other and or talk 3 to 4 times a year but when we do it is as if we just saw or talked with each other last week.
I also have a few close friends that I see almost weekly and that is how our friendship works best. I then have people in my life that I may see weekly but is there a true friendship there? Sometimes either person may want more of a friendship but how do you make that happen. Some times that is hard to figure out. At least it is for me - are we friends just because we work together or are we truly friends?
I know also the "older" I get the more I treasure the friendships that I do have -
Susan D
Very interesting post Bethany. I have pondered this idea of "friendship" quite a bit this past week.
Friendship means relationship, and relationships take time. If I want to build friendships, I need to spend time with those people. For me, in my life, there are levels of friendship. I have many acquaintances; but friends are those who I have allowed a deeper place in my heart. But even with that, there are levels. Some friendships are at a more shallow/surface level, and some run deep. In deeper levels of relationship, more trust is required.
I have found that I can care about a lot of people, and truly care about acquaintances, but I don't give them room in my heart; because I am cautious with my trust. I guard it; because it is so painful to me to have it broken. As a result, I have only a few close friends.
Conflict in friendship - aiyiyi. I am a conflict avoider in most areas of my life. When conflict enters my friendships, it is very challenging for me. I am not good at dealing with it head on.
Gina - I totally agree on the "different friends at different seasons". I think that's part of my struggle over the last year or so. I don't fit with the SAHM of littles because I have school-aged kids. I don't fit with the non-homeschooling SAHM of school-aged kids because they have free time in the day while I'm teaching. I do fit with the homeschooling moms, but we're all too busy teaching to hang out. :)
Anon #1 - I agree completely.
Kristal - Much of what you said is what I just blogged about in the post with my own thoughts on the matter. I've been a flaky friend too.
Susan - I agree on the part about picking up wherever you left off. Someone e-mailed me something similar. I should copy it here.
Cheri - I think trust is huge!
FROM SOMEONE WHO E-MAILED ME - For you blog: My definition of a friend is someone who you may see everyday or every year but no matter what you always pick up where you left off....like you were never even apart...always bound in friendship.
I have gone through this as well this past year and off and on probably since college. This past year has been the worst though. I hear what you are saying about acceptance, because for me I think that is where I am as well. For some reason I think we always thought we'd have that close friend that can finish our sentences and then one day you wake up with 3 kids, see that you turned 30 and realize, "Wait a minute! Is it supposed to be like this?" I love my life and my role as a mom. What a blessing but it is lonely sometimes. It is interesting and comforting to see that I am not the only one who has struggled through this.
Anon #3 - It's weird how a season of life can be a blessing in some important ways while also being the reason we struggle in other important areas.
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