BOOKS I FINISHED - OCTOBER 2017

Beneath a Scarlet Sky: A Novel, written by Mark Sullivan
This book was mentioned in a reading group I'm part of and I really liked it! Researched and written over the course of ten years, it's based on the true story of one young man's dedication and doubt, bravery and fear, love and hate, pride and regret. It's about a young Italian, Pino Lella, who risked his life to save Jews during WWII, and then, as a result of his parents' attempt to save his life, ends up working right alongside a Nazi commander, one of Hitler's main men.

p. 261, "And that's all you want? Happiness?"
"What could be better?"
"How do you find happiness?"
Anna paused, then said, "You start by looking right around you for the blessings you have. When you find them, be grateful."

p. 508, "Life is change, constant change, and unless we are lucky enough to find some comedy in it, change is nearly always a drama, if not a tragedy."

Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus, written by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson
Written by the same author as Good News for Weary Women: Escaping the Bondage of To-Do Lists, Steps, and Bad Advice, which I read and loved back in April, along with her daughter, this book was a huge encouragement to me as a parent and as an individual. I'm so thankful for the grace of God and the fact that there's nothing I can do to increase or decrease his love for me! I marked so many things in this book, but here are some of my favorite quotes.

p. 29, (speaking of the story of what Jesus did for us on the cross) But for now, please stop for a moment and ask yourself what percentage of your time is spent in declaring the rules and what percentage in reciting the Story.

p. 45, Christian righteousness is different from human obedience because it is granted to us by God's grace, not because of our works or our children's merit. It is not something we can earn, but rather it is a gift we are given, even though we continue to sin terribly.

p. 53, Seeking to be faithfully obedient parents is our responsibility; granting faith to our children is his. Freedom to love and enjoy our children flows out of the knowledge that God saves them in spite of our best efforts, not because of them. Salvation is of the Lord.

p. 54, Both pride and despair grow in the self-reliant heart.

p. 55, We are not nor can we be the saviors of our children. He is the Savior. When we forget this, our parenting will be pockmarked by fear, severity, and exhaustion.

p. 62, God doesn't promise our children's salvation in response to our obedience, because he never encourages self-reliance.  The way of the Lord is always a way of faith - faith in his goodness, mercy, and love. Our faith is to be in him, not in ourselves.

p. 77, The world tells us that our children's success depends upon our success. The world knows nothing of God's ability to use our failures as a means to bless.

p. 105, If our parenting is modeled on the gospel, then their sin, hardness, and unbelief will grieve us, we will seek to discipline and correct it, we will pray for them about it, and we will continue to love and welcome them in spite of it. but we will not demand a show of repentance before we welcome them back in to relationship.

p. 136. In the same way, we can ask the Holy Spirit to help us see our children like he does, with great hope and love. We can ask him to helps us be "grace detectives", to be more aware of how the Lord is working in their life than in how they are failing.

p. 148-149, But what if we're measuring success in the wrong way? Could it be that our perception of success isn't God's plan for us or for our family? What if he's going to use our failure and our children's rebellion to make us humble comforters of other sufferers for his glory? < snip >  Is there room in your parenting paradigm for weakness and failure if weakness and failure glorify God?  < snip > But don't we have to be willing to say that the chief end of our parenting is not our own glorification as great parents but rather that we glorify God and enjoy him forever, whatever that means?

p. 151, God's sustaining power is seen and developed in our weakness and failure. It is never developed anywhere else.

p. 152, It is only when we are finally freed from those oh-so-constricting straightjackets of self-righteousness that we are able to experience the true comfort and warmth of the robes of his righteousness.

p. 161 (speaking of the fact there are only two verses in the New Testament about parenting), When we make parenting more complex than God has made it, we afflict ourselves with burdens too heavy for us to carry, and we are unintentionally presuming that the good news of the gospel is insufficient.

p. 162, Grace is not a novel, failsafe catchphrase that will ensure successful parenting. No, it's something so much better than that! It is God's assured favorable attitude toward undeserving rebels whom, in is inscrutable love, he has decided to bless.

Insignificant Events in the Life of a Cactus, written by Dusti Bowling
This book caught my eye in the kids' section of the library, so I checked it out for myself. It's the fictional story of a teen girl whose lack of arms doesn't keep her from doing anything in life, except feel comfortable around people she doesn't know. Uprooted from the place she's grown up, she figures out who matters to her, learns to think past herself, and discovers where she belongs.

Moccasin Trail, written by Eloise Jarvis McGraw
This is one of my favorite school books and I read it with Naomi this time around. A young man is torn between two identities - Jim Keath, part of a pioneering family, and Talks Alone, a Crow Indian. Both parts of his life are important, but they aren't meshing well at all. He has to figure out who and what matters most to him and how to define himself as he lives life in the Willamette Valley. One of the things we like about this book is that we live where it takes place, which always makes a book more interesting.

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10/27/17 - WORTH REPEATING

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There is confidence and then there is arrogance. Confidence crosses the goal line, hands the ball to the referee and heads back to the sideline. Arrogance takes off its helmet and makes sure everyone knows who scored the touchdown. < snip > Consider the feelings of those who can't or didn't or won't achieve their goal. Remember when you fell short and how that felt.

~ Aaron Conrad in 6 Things My Kids Need For School at Aaron Conrad

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Slamming doors is like cussing with inanimate objects.

~ Thor Ramsey in Thou Shalt Laugh 2: The Deuce 

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If your why is strong enough, you'll figure out the how.

~ Faith Hayes on 10/24/17

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That is some serious parkour!

~ Devon while watching a scene in the 1949 movie, The Inspector General

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Oh, what peace we often forfeit / Oh, what needless pain we bear / All because we do not carry / Everything to God in prayer

~ What a Friend We Have in Jesus, written by Joseph M. Scriven and composed by Charles Crozat Converse

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THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful that I chose to just sit in my spot when church finished last night instead of walking around and visiting with people like I always do before and after service. Seems trivial, I know, but I don't think I've ever just stayed put after church in my entire life. Hindsight says it was a God thing.

I'm thankful a gal who's hosting a Pampered Chef party with me this week told another gal about it because that other gal came over to where I was sitting to talk shop after church and we quickly ended up talking about life.

I'm glad that the job I took on to finance braces for our family led to a much needed, heart to heart conversation with someone I've been acquainted with for many years and have often thought would be someone I could soak up some wisdom from if  had the chance.

I'm thankful for what can only be God's timing.

What's something that you're thankful for?

TIM'S JOB SITUATION

I've had a few people ask me lately what Tim's doing for work these days, so I figure it's time for an update.

About a year ago I shared that he had taken a part-time job at F.I.R.E. and was subbing the rest of the time. That schedule continued through the school year - subbing Monday and Friday, working at F.I.R.E. Tuesday through Thursday. Obviously having two separate jobs isn't ideal, but it worked out and the flexibility of the F.I.R.E. position turned out to be a huge blessing when faced with the unexpected death of Tim's mom in the winter and a subsequent trip with one of his sisters to get their grandma taken care of in the spring (she'd previously been cared for by their mom).

Summer came along and F.I.R.E. brought him on temporarily as a full-time employee. That was great for everyone because it meant Tim didn't have to find a summer job and F.I.R.E. got to see if they had enough work to keep Tim busy full-time without having to commit to it long-term. October is wrapping up now and he's still happily working full-time there.

Will he return to education? Time will tell, but he chose not to apply for any jobs over the spring and summer (well, except one he knew he was unlikely to get). He'll continue to keep his teaching and admin licenses current so that his options remain open, but it's looking more and more like that season of our life is done.

I have mixed feelings about the idea of him leaving education, which is understandable for a variety of reasons. However, if walking away is inevitable, then I'm happy F.I.R.E. is the direction he's headed. The job and company have both been a blessing in our lives for over a year now and I'm thankful to be part of the F.I.R.E. family for however long Tim ends up working there.

PLAY-DOH PARTY

Last Thursday afternoon Tyler pulled out his Play-Doh and pretty soon Naomi, Devon, and Silas were at the table with him. I stopped what I was doing to join them, which I confess is not my default response to this kind of thing, and we all had a great time with a spontaneous Play-Doh party.

Nothing is perfect and by mid-afternoon I deeply regretted allowing everyone to skip naps and down time for this fun time together. Thursdays are always our roughest day, but I often think sunshine and roses at 1:00 will last through the evening. I'm always wrong, hence this alarm that's now on my phone.

We won't repeat the timing of our little party, but it was definitely fun while it lasted and I'm glad I thought to take some pictures. 

TEARS & TRUST

This was my view for a chunk of Saturday afternoon. It was time spent sobbing, praying, yelling, and then repeating the process again and again. As I stared out the window, I was suddenly struck with some analogies, both positive and negative, tying that particular setting to the nitty gritty of my life. So I pulled out my phone and took a picture to remind myself of the moment later.

It's been a hard year for me. Hurt from the utterly ridiculous things people say and completely unfair things they do. Blindsided by devastating things that will forever impact the lives of people I love. Incredibly discouraged by my own unrealistic expectations and repeated failures. Frazzled by old memories that new situations dredge up. Shattered dreams, lost hope, and the birth of cynicism I've never had before.

Those analogies I came up with? I'm not going to share them. The various things that have happened this year? I'm not sharing them either. Some are too personal, things I'll never share with anyone or that I've already shared with the one or two people I sought out for encouragement and advice. Some involve other people whose story it is to tell. Some would ensure the unnecessary demise of other people's friendships. To share any of them here, or even in more private conversations, would just be gossip that doesn't accomplish anything positive.

So why am I bothering to say any of this at all? Because it's real life. Because everyone has struggles. Because I know there are those who see me smiling in public and, in the midst of their own overwhelming circumstances, slip into thinking everyone else's life is better than theirs. (Sidenote: I'm not faking it in public. Interacting with people in social settings has always been something I love. It's in private settings where I lose it.) Because one can be surrounded by a plethora of positive things, which I am, and still be consumed by the negatives ones, which I also am. Because I just need to say it, to acknowledge the chaos of my thoughts and emotions.

Life is hard. Stinkin' hard.

And I'm not handling it well at all right now. 

I'm a talker, but there is a part of me that wants to avoid all conversation. I'm a fixer, but there's a part of me that wants to ignore the problems I need to be part of resolving. I'm an extrovert, but there is a part of me that wants to avoid all humanity. It's easy to take the falling stones of a life that feels like it's crumbling and use them to build a wall of self-preservation around yourself. Isolation doesn't help in the long run. I know that, but I'm struggling to put it into practice right now.

I was tempted as I had a meltdown over the weekend to just close my eyes and take a nap in the van or mindlessly scroll through Facebook on my phone until I'd calmed down. Then I thought about my post over the summer about the idea of a refuge and reached for a little Bible we keep in the vehicle instead.

The sobbing continued for a while, as did the yelling. Emotions don't instantly get under control just because we've chosen a wise way to cope with them. But least I wasn't stewing on the things I was worked up over at the moment. Right? I was setting my eyes on where I wanted to go, even though I wasn't anywhere remotely close to arriving there. Baby steps in the right direction.

I spent quite a bit of time reading various psalms, but kept coming back to Psalm 62:5-8.

I don't have time to list all the ways it spoke to me, but it was exactly what I needed to read! I checked it out in my parallel Bible when I came home and love verse eight in the Amplified Bible.

Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

If you're one who's in a comfortable season where life is humming along pretty smoothly, soak it up and enjoy the ride. If you're one who, like me, is in the throes of struggling to keep your head and heart in a good place while life throws one challenge after another at you (or maybe it's just one huge issue one that's not going away anytime soon), know you're not alone. Give your soul a pep talk, like in the passage above. Don't seek out distractions as if they're refuges. Have a good cry as you pour out your heart to God. Trust him. Keep on keepin' on.

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I typed everything above on Saturday evening when I was calm, but still feeling pretty raw. Yesterday morning I went to church, cried my way through some songs and conversations, and heard a teaching about living with the reality of heaven, about being a Christian whose perspective of life is from the lens of an eternity with God. I'm not personally caught up in temporal things like monetary affluence, social standing, or material possessions, but I sure do let temporal situations, both short and long-term ones, determine my mood and behavior!

Being encouraged to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, not on the circumstances of the day (or month or year, as the case may be), was good for me to hear. Emotions are fine and the problems of life will often require my blood, sweat, and tears to resolve, but I need to face them without being ruled by them. Here are a few of the verses that stood out to me.

Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.

Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 

I also had a discussion after church with someone who asked me questions about hormones factoring into my emotional upheaval. It's only been during the last few years that my emotions have been affected at all by my cycle, so I don't always remember to see if that's part of the problem when anger or sadness (or both, which is all kinds of awesome) are spiraling out of control. My struggle this last year has been steady enough that I know it's not all hormones, but it's possible they played a role in my meltdown on Saturday. I was given some suggestions for ways to adjust my vitamin intake that may help balance things out and I plan on giving at least one of them a try.

Between having time to settle down, being challenged and encouraged at church, and a hormone discussion, I almost decided to take this post off today's schedule. I opted to leave it because all my initial reasons for sharing are still valid. Hopefully it will be an encouragement to someone else who is struggling to keep their thoughts and emotions above water.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the colors blue and green. What's something that you're thankful for?

HOW TYLER GOT A DOG

Tim, Silas, and Tyler left late on Wednesday night for the coast so that they could start fishing early the next morning. They arrived home yesterday evening and I went out to the car to greet Tyler.

B - Hey, buddy! How did it go?

T (smiling) - I got a dog.

B (wondering if I'm hearing five year old humor or if I need to kill Tim) - A dog? Like a hot dog?

T (laughing) - No! A dog!

B - Where did you get a dog? 

T - A police officer.

B - (perplexed and starting to feel irritated that I'm hearing about a ticket or crash from one of the kids instead of Tim) Was there an officer at the fishing spot?

T - No.

B - Did Dad get pulled over or hit someone with the car?

T - It was at ... oh, I can't think of the name ... the yellow place.

B - Wheeler Dealer?

T - No, the one with the paint splatter.

B - Wal-Mart? When were you there? (knowing those stuffed animals are only handed out in a crisis) Why did a police officer give you a stuffed animal?

T (nonchalantly) - I don't remember all of it.

B - (trying to act like this whole thing is no big deal) Where's the dog?

T (pointing to the ground under fishing stuff) - Down there.

B (digging through the pile) - This one? It's cute. Why did the officer give it to you? (looking around for Tim or Silas, both unloading fishing stuff, and getting increasingly frustrated at the way I'm gathering information) Can someone please explain to me why my five year old has a stuffed animal from a police officer?!

I got the nutshell story at that point, then a longer version as I drove Silas to youth group an hour later. Evidently they swung by the store as soon as they left on Wednesday and the boys waited in the car while Tim went in. Then the store got locked down because a man in the parking lot was brandishing a knife. A man in the next row over from our car, just behind the boys. 

Tim proceeded to spend then next 90 minutes in the store while drama unfolded near Silas and Tyler. At one point an officer announced over a microphone that everyone needed to leave. Fine, except where were the boys supposed to go? There were four officers with guns in hand near our car telling Silas to clear the area, so he did and told them Tyler was sleeping in the back seat. They sent Silas around the corner, then escorted Tyler, who woke up in the midst of everything, over to him. 

The boys spent the rest of the ordeal in the back seat of an officer's warm car, safely out of sight of the knife-wielding man. They and Tim arrived back at our car at the same time once the situation was resolved, then they all went on their merry way. Tim, Silas, Tyler, and a dog. A stuffed dog given to him by a police officer late at night at the place with paint splatters. 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for a trampoline that has provided countless hours of fun,  reading space, creativity, exercise, conflict resolution practice, stunts, and conversation for the little Ws. What's one thing that you're thankful for?

TWO GUYS

The picture above was taken 18 years, three months, three weeks, and one day ago. The occasion? Tim and I were getting married. The guys? Alex and Shon. Why am I talking about them? Because they've been on my mind a lot lately and they matter to me.

We've been friends since we were 14 & 15 years old and now our own kids range from 4-19. My friendships with these guys has lasted 26 years, a whole generation. One would think we must have much in common to still be friends all these years later, but our lives have been different in countless ways, including some big ones that make people question how we know each other in the first place and why our friendship has lasted so long. It appears to be one of life's great mysteries. That's part of why I value their friendship so much.

I can't speak for them, but I'll tell you why they matter to me. It's because of stuffed dinosaurs that sing to me and picking up my tab at Senor Sam's. It's seeing each other every day as neighbors and phone calls when there's distance between us. It's me giving them rides to A&W and Flying Gull, then them giving me rides in a Jetta and Tacoma. It's football and baseball games. It's flowers on my mom's grave and a steady stream of cheesy jokes. It's lime popsicles and strawberry milk or holiday M&Ms and Big Eds. It's being there for each other when hard stuff is happening. It's knowing they'd have my back if I ever needed them. It's having access to one's locker and handing my car keys to the other. It's things they say that let me know I matter to them. It's a rock sale in my back yard and stopping by my workplace so I can meet their new baby. It's a history of friendship where each of us finds value in a person whose life we can't always relate to. It's a million memories, some important and many more that were insignificant at the time, but gain value when put together.

It's Alex, a guy I couldn't stand initially, but who I had to put up with because we had a mutual close friend in Shon, and eventually liked being around. It's dorm visits, apartment neighbors, and knowing exactly who I'd call if I needed to feel safe. It's a steady, dependable friendship.

It's Shon, a guy I was really close to for a long time. It's a friendship I tried to end once, but that couldn't be killed, even with some dry spells when our lives didn't intersect. It's being grateful for and proud of someone. It's a friendship that's had rocky moments, but is deeply rooted.

I think my wedding was the last time the three of us were all in the same place at the same time and I don't know if it will ever happen again, but I talked to Shon for an hour last Sunday and I'll see Alex this coming Sunday. Those two things, the phone call and visit, make me smile. Those two guys, Shon and Alex, make me smile. The unlikelihood of them being the high school friends I still chat with on the phone as a middle-aged adult makes me smile ... and chuckle a little.

I know I've said it about them before, but I'll say it again. Unlikely friendships that span decades are a treasure.

Photo notes: The picture of Alex with my family was from a visit in 2016. The one of me with part of Shon's family was from my trip in 2015.

FIVE WEEKS OF PAMPERED CHEF

That would be a paycheck, folks! It was just over a month ago that I decided to "grab a spoon" and become a Pampered Chef consultant as a way to pay for all the braces we need around here. I had no idea how it would go, but had decided it was worth a try after weighing the potential risks and benefits. It has been such a blessing!!! I have no idea what the future holds, but right now I'm so grateful for this business opportunity and the support of people in our lives. I want to share some things from the last month that I'm thankful for.

* I booked five parties within 24 hours of announcing my plan and goal, plus more within the next couple days, because friends wanted to help (and, let's be honest, because they're PC fans who wanted to earn host benefits). 

* One friend ordered from a party, then ordered through my site a couple weeks later. She wants to upgrade her kitchen tools and help us with braces, so she plans on placing an order whenever she has extra wiggle room in her budget.

* Several friends have asked to be added to parties because they have no interest in hosting, but want to support me while purchasing useful items for their own kitchens.

* Those initial parties helped me earn three different incentives, two for all consultants and one for new consultants, which means I got fun packages of free products at my door two days in a row last month and another on the way right now.

* People without the ability and/or desire to support my business practically have encouraged me, shared in my excitement, and interacted on my business Facebook page.

* Two gals joined my team, which means I get to help them reach their goals while I work toward mine.

* I had set a weekly income goal back in the summer when I was exploring options that would allow us to pay for one set of braces each year and that goal has been exceeded each week so far. I realize there will be ups and downs over time, but that means one of two things will happen. Either we'll get the first pair of braces in less than a year if the pace remains generally steady or increases or the cushion provided by this encouraging start to my business will keep my average weekly income above my minimum requirement if some weeks are slower than usual.

* One friend said she plans to order something from one party each month to support our goal and has already done so.

* Our savings account has been reimbursed for my initial investment and there's money in the braces fund.

* One friend said she'd noticed the need for braces and wanted to help. Given that she, like most of us, didn't have extra cash sitting around to finance such a big expense, she'd been praying about how she could help. Just days later I announced my business. She knew that was her answer and booked a party.

* I'm having a blast. Seriously.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been supportive in one way or another! Here are some related links, in case you're interested.

The day I announced what I was doing and why I was doing it. 

My Pampered Chef business page.

My Pampered Chef Facebook page.

WOODBURN FIRE DISTRICT SAFETY FAIR & OPEN HOUSE

We made a stop before E.Z. Orchard on Saturday at the Woodburn Fire District's Safety Fair & Open House. Last year Silas helped out at the event and I attended with Naomi and Devon, but this year we were all going to skip it because Dad and Makiah were in town. Dad suggested on Friday night that we go the next morning so he could see that part of Silas' life and then head out for our fall adventure. So we did! 

Silas' lieutenant let him take the family on a tour of the station (the event was just in the bay). Most of our family had already seen the things he showed us, but it was new to Dad, Makiah, and partially to Tim. It was cool for Silas to be able to introduce some of his extended family to his lieutenant and chief, for that part of our family to see where Silas spends some of his time, and for me to see how much more information he was able to share this year, 14 months after he started spending time at the station, than he could last year. He loves it!

We finished our little tour, then all the kids spent time visiting booths, eating candy and hot dogs, and gathering all sorts of freebies from the different agencies and businesses represented. It was fun and I'm glad we were able to stop by.

Photo credit: The picture is from Dad's phone.

E.Z. ORCHARD HARVEST FESTIVAL - 2017

Today was our annual trip to a pumpkin patch and we had a great time! We've gone to Wooden Shoe each year of their Pumpkin Fest, but the event no longer exists and we had to find somewhere new. There are a couple other places we've gone in years past, but we decided to try a new place fairly close to home. Thanks to a recommendation from my friend Desiree, off to E.Z. Orchards Harvest Festival we went. 

We ran around in fields of pumpkins, fed animals, worked our way through a corn maze that taught us about Oregon, did a ring toss, had faces painted, went on a hay ride, and had pony rides. It was fun! Dad even ran into someone he knows from his church four hours away.

Here's all eight of us, the 6 Ws with Dad and Makiah, right before we did the corn maze. There were so many sunflowers!!

The 6 Ws up close.

And the 6 Ws far away.

Then there were some activities. Unfortunately, I didn't get many good shots of the pony rides. Such is life. Tyler didn't want to ride in the beginning, which is exactly why he's the only kid I forced to do it. Stretching comfort zones is important and there was no valid reason for him to avoid it. Just fear of the unknown. He loved it and went back for another ride later! Naomi and Makiah got in line right away and went back for another ride before we left. Devon wasn't interested during round one, but went back later for a ride.

They had a little jail for kids to play in and there just happened to be four cut-outs in the wall. I just happen to have four kids, so I took a picture of each little W in one.

Girls on the hayride.

Tim and I, proving we were there.

Cousins enjoying each other's company.

One of the cowboys looked familiar.

So did one of the cowgirls.

Such a fun way to spend the day!

Photo credit: The hayride picture is  from Dad's camera. 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I'm thankful for the ability to read. What is something that you're thankful for?