Tim has worked 15-17 hour days for seven days in a row. He'll continue that schedule for another three days.
During this already rough week my milk supply has started dropping, which is par for the course when my babies hit five months old. Tim is always the one who does the first bottles when we get to this point, partly because it's a "first" that he can do and partly because they accept the bottle easier from a parent they don't expect to nurse them. After the first few bottles, then we're good to go.
Well, I have a baby who is getting 1/2 - 2/3 the amount of milk he should be and a husband who won't be around for another three days. So I tried giving a bottle today. It was a total failure - screaming baby, spewing baby, sobbing mom, and a sibling who took the spewage covered baby into another room, changed their diaper, and put dry clothes on them while I pulled myself together. Well, the sibling part wasn't a failure.
I'd hit my breaking point.
Three little Ws went down for naps, one little W baked a cake during their down time, and I hid out in my room. That helped.
I hopped online and vented on the Sonlight forums. That helped.
Then I shot a note to a friend and asked her to come over tomorrow to try feeding Tyler a bottle, help with household stuff, and give me some adult interaction. She'll be coming in the afternoon. That helped.
Then we went to home group and I cried some more. We intentionally chose a home group with people that are all in their 50s and 60s, one where I call the women "home group grandmas". Not to be confused with "church grandmas", which are another set of older women at church who dote on Teebs. But that's beside the point. Anyway, I cried and they let me dump my sob story on them, the home group grandmas took turns holding Teebs through the evening, one held Teebs through worship and hung with him in another room so that I could participate in the group, one snuggled him to sleep later in the evening, and others (including the men in the group) chatted with the other little Ws and watched one of their magic tricks. That helped.
I'm still fried. I'm still eager for this stretch of single parenting to end. My house is still a mess. My body still isn't making enough milk. It's very likely that I'll shed some more tears before this week is over.
I'm thankful for my Sonlight sisters who encourage me when I'm down. I'm thankful for friends who are willing to come to my rescue in practical ways when I'm overwhelmed. I'm thankful for friends who are kind to my kids when I'm psycho mom.